The YoonieSAL (a.k.a. Project Bacon) is a console made by Namco and Jeff the First Polar Bear released in 2017, 17 seconds after the Fire of 2017. It looks like a robotic cyan cone. It plays shames, DVD, Blu-Ray, cartridge, VHS, Lazerdisc, etc.
The console was made in 2007 when a few Namco workers, too lazy to walk to the kitchen, decided to make a sandwich using a particle accelerator. Instead, it created a batch of abstract Chemical X. Later, another Namco worker, let's call him Timmy, accidentally spills some Chemical X onto an Xbox 360, which disintegrates into toxic sludge, which gets poured into Jeff's chocolate milk. And just like Homer, Jeff went on hyperdrive. Three and a half months, 70 cans of energy drinks, four hours of ripping off useless extra parts that don't work, 1,000 computer/game console pieces, five Minecraft men, and some Oreos later, he actually created something that was good! Even Chuck Norris was impressed! In fact he was so impressed he cried tears of joy, curing cancer!
The YoonieSAL currently is the only shaming system in history that has all of these things:
- a cartridge drive
- a floppy disk drive
- a disc slot
- a memory card slot
- downloadable games
- downloadable content for any other games you have
- trigger buttons on the controller
- 3D mode
- a screen on the controller
- a cup holder
- a light gun
- motion control that rips off Nintendo Kinect
- a stylus
- a keyboard and mouse
It also prides itself in new features not on any console before:
- 700-bit graphics
- a teleport button on the controller
- is backwards compatible with every other console ever
- can play VHSes as well as DVDs, CDs, and Blu-Rays
- a toy robot peripheral that's actually useful
- can run computer programs for every OS ever
- can transform into a giant robot
Lisa Simpson has even claimed that, just like the NintenD'oh consoles, the YoonieSAL is evil and can take over your mind so you should not buy it, but then Jeff bribed her with a pony that she is wrong, but she refused the bribe, so Jeff shot her with an AK-47.
The YoonieSAL was loved by 98% of the people who used it. The remaining 4% thought it was terrible, so they were
killed sent to the TLC. This broke a record, as no shaming system has ever been this popular before. It is also the most popular shaming system of the decade.
Making a homemade YoonieSAL is simple rocket science that's easy as pie. You shove a toaster in the WaMachine, then add a Shamesphere to the WaToaster. Then you sew a NightmareCast and a arcade game case to it. You then put a electric lightning rod and a vending machine on it. You put a SuperVolt battery, a normal Energizer battery and a thermonuclear battery in the money slot of the vending machine. You put a car engine at the bottom and all the real-life Nintendo game systems from 1980 to 2080 on the top and sides. You shoot it with 2 Spartan Lazers, one light, one dark, at the machine, blend it all together, put it back in the WaMachine again (now with it's settings to "COMBINE") and out pops a Wii U! You infect it with some Awesome Sauce and Coffee, Banana flavor, mash it into overrated mashed potatoes, feed it to Zeegee, make it stare at Pickelodeon, knead it & genetically mutate it, SnapChop it with a plate & a tomato, cover it in chocolate & caramel and you got a Zii EWW! Then you cover it in Coco-Cola, then capture Giygas. Stick Zeegee in the toaster, tape that toaster to a box of Apple Jacks cereal, put a Zii EWW in the box, fill it full of Chemical X and then nail Giygas to the toaster. It will then transform into a YoonieSAL.
But you are not done there! Once the YoonieSAL(which powers by itself) appears, you have to beat it with a sledgehammer until it begs for mercy. Give it a lollipop so it feels better and your done.
The YoonieSAL is usually used to play shames, but it can also:
- Burn enemies
- Making drinks
- Blow up brick walls
- Knock spies with beer bottles
- Make dinner
- Make breakfast
- Make calls
- Buy stuff that you want
- Open cans
- Things iPads can do
- Teleport to different dimensions
- Heat beer
- Make ice cream
- Make videos
- Watch videos
- End all wars
- And LOTS LOTS MORE!
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That's it. The thing is....the YoonieSAL is awesome.