Tohru Akechi Adachi (born September 4, 1930 as Tahbert Adolph Albrecht II) is a 90-year-old German man who has a cabbage fetish. He is an ugly detective who knows nothing about detecting. His love interest is Ryotaro Dojima, the father of Yu Narukami. He is constantly trying to have sex with him, despite the fact that Dojima is 40 years younger than him. He even once tried to stuff a cabbage up Dojima's dick. For this reason, Dojima has had a restraining order placed against him multiple times.
Adachi's favorite thing in the world is cabbage. He is so obsessed with it, that he has a stockpile of over 59,000 cabbages that he has been building up for his entire life since his early childhood. Don't even try to touch his cabbages; it'll be the last mistake you ever make. He shares this love of cabbage with Cabbage Guy, whom he is friends with.
Adachi has been arrested and imprisoned over 10,000 times throughout his life, since his second favorite activity is committing crimes. Adachi's favorite crimes to commit are murder, rape, war crimes, hate crimes, tax evasion, and growing marijuana. He hates Jews.
Adachi is known for cabbage, being ugly, reviving Hitler, and killing multiple innocent people in the Japanese town of Inaba after somebody stole his copy of the Enclosed Instruction Book.
He was also once the "ruler" of The Shadow Realm.
Biography[]
Early life[]
Adachi was born Tahbert Adolph Albrecht II on September 4, 1930 in rural Bavaria. His parents, Tahbert Adolph Albrecht I (1898-1936) and Gerwalt Albrecht (1902-1959), were cabbage farmers.
As a child, Tahbert's parents lived in poverty and struggled to make enough money growing cabbage during the Great Depression. Tahbert was such an ugly baby that his parents hated him, causing him to not want to grow cabbage with them and making their living situation even worse. In 1935, the Albrecht family moved to Munich, Germany in search of a better job.
The next year, in 1936, his father suddenly died after Ganon injected a lethal amount of Quaker Oats whole grain cereal into his bloodstream. Young Tahbert was devestated by this. His mother had to get a job at a coal mine for 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, and barely ever came home except to tell him stories about that time when Jack Frost stole her lifetime supply of Shadow Juice.
Tahbert never got an education since his mother did not have enough money to send him to school. Instead, he spent most of his time in a small shack creating dangerous technology and nuclear weapons for fun.
Why he became obsessed with cabbage[]
When his parents were still cabbage farmers, Tahbert would steal half of the cabbages they grew every time it was harvest season, and stockpile them in his bedroom. He used this to get revenge on his parents because they were so abusive to him because he was so damn ugly.
Even though Tahbert's parents were abusive, they were still the closest he ever had to a loving, caring family, and so he loved them dearly.
After Tahbert's father died, his stockpiled cabbage became the only thing that remained of his father. As a result, Tahbert grew a close connection with his cabbage, as if it was a real person.
To this day, Tahbert, now called Adachi, is still extremely obsessed with cabbage, and his stockpile has grown to over 59,000 cabbages. If you even do so much as touch his cabbages, he will surely throw you into your grandmother's TV and kill you.
Name change to Tohru Adachi[]
On June 26, 1939, Tahbert was arrested and imprisoned for allegedly growing marijuana in his shack and selling it as cabbage to old German ladies. In reality, it was actually a type of genetically-modified cabbage Tahbert created that looks and functions exactly like a marijuana plant.
Tahbert was given a sentence of either 200 years in a high-security prison, or being forced to scrub King Harkinian's ass every day in the morning for 50 years. To avoid this punishment, Tahbert decided to get his name legally changed to Tohru Akechi Adachi. The reason he picked this name is because he was a fucking weeb.
Involvement with Hitler[]
In December 1940, when Adachi was 10 years old, Adolf Hitler came to his shack to have a top-secret meeting with him. Hitler was getting tired of being an evil dictator and terrorizing Europe. Because of this, he wanted to be cryogenically frozen so he could come back many years later and create the ultimate fascist Dictator-State. Adachi agreed. He cryogenically froze Hitler, and hid his body away in his shack. Adachi then created a high-tech hologram of Hitler that would replace him until his faked suicide in 1945.
Adachi decided to expand his shack into a large, protected, top-secret facility where he could do things like create technology, perform human experiments, and build weapons without anyone being able to get in and find out.
Fleeing to the Mushroom Kingdom and cryogenic freezing by Mario[]
In February 1941, Adachi was caught constructing a nuclear missile in his facility. The German government threatened to raid the facility if he did not give them the nuclear bomb. Adachi did not want the German government to raid the facility and find Hitler's frozen body, so he decided his only option was to flee to the Mushroom Kingdom. One month later, word had gotten out that Adachi was in the Mushroom Kingdom, and that he was in possession of a nuclear weapon. The Mushroom Kingdom Supreme Court would give Adachi a death sentence if they found him. Adachi decided that he would have to have himself cryogenically frozen in order to avoid getting caught.
Adachi found Mario and asked him to cryogenically freeze him. Mario agreed. But first, the two made an agreement that if Adachi ever died, Mario would revive him so that he could continue being evil. Mario then froze Adachi and buried him in his basement underneath his stockpile of spaghetti.
Adachi's revival and birth of The Cabbage Man[]
In May 1980, Mario decided to revive the cryogenically-frozen body of Adachi.
After his revival, Adachi sought to create the ultimate weapon of Mass Destruction to get revenge against Germany and the Mushroom Kingdom for trying to thwart his evil schemes.
Because of his strong connection to cabbage, Adachi decided that the best weapon would be a genetically-modified human/cabbage hybrid, which he called "The Cabbage Man." Adachi replaced some of the DNA in his arm with the DNA of his favorite cabbage from his cabbage stockpile, creating the seed from which he would grow The Cabbage Man. He then cut off his arm, and brought it to Mario until he was ready to use it again. Since Adachi was now missing an arm, he would have to use stem cells from his other arm to regrow it. This was a long process that took almost 2 years. In that time, he used many prosthetic cabbage arms.
In February 1982, Adachi had fully regrown his arm and was ready to create The Cabbage Man. He took the cabbage arm, and modified the genes for muscle size, photosynthesis, and testosterone production, essentially making The Cabbage Man an extremely angry and horny being with superhuman strength, speed, and unlimited energy, as long as he was in the sunlight. Adachi could also use The Cabbage Man as his own personal sex slave if he wanted to.
Adachi got to work growing the rest of The Cabbage Man's body using stem cells. This took him almost 8 years to do.
Finally, on January 7, 1990, The Cabbage Man was fully grown and was ready to be used as a weapon of mass destruction. When Adachi brought him to life, the first thing The Cabbage Man did was kill Adachi and go throughout the entire Mushroom Kingdom, rampantly killing and destroying everything he saw.
As per the agreement made by Mario and Adachi, Mario took Adachi to his house and brought him back to life. By then, The Cabbage Man had already killed around 1 million people, over 9% of the Mushroom Kingdom's population of 11 million, and a national lockdown was issued.
After the sun set, The Cabbage Man fell asleep due to his reliance on photosynthesis for energy. A farmer named Kanji Tatsumi found The Cabbage Man on the ground in his field, and stabbed him in the heart three times with a pitchfork, killing him. This marked the end of The Cabbage Man's murderous rampage, bringing peace to the Mushroom Kingdom once again. Word got out that The Cabbage Man had died, and life returned back to normal.
Revival #2[]
G-Man would steal the cryogenically frozen bodies of both Hitler and Adachi, leaving Mario a note with a McDonald's gift card for exactly 50 dollars, apologizing deeply for any and all inconveniences this grand larceny might have caused him, and that all of the effort in the world wouldn't go to waste... whatever confusing nonsense that means. G-Man wouldn't put him into stasis like most of his other victims, instead waiting for him to thaw out in the year 2012, and send him to Inaba where he'd meet Ryotaro Dojima whom he'd instantly become attached to, to the point of where he'd join the police department to be closer to him. Dojima deflected his advances towards him with such coldness, Adachi could never love a man again.
Being so distraught by this and only living off of cabbages, he'd build his own lemonade stand selling Kool-Aid exclusively to women, and when they drank the Kool-Aid and died, Adachi would send them to The Shadow Realm to cover his tracks. All these corpses impressed Izanami so much, she gave him one of those badass mecha-stands called an Izanagi, except this one was defective and red, and promoted him to King of The Midnight Channel. But this wouldn't last forever, as with the power of friendship, Yu Narukami would dethrone him and become King of The Shadow Realm instead.