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Their Evil Logo
TikTok (known in China as Douyin 抖音) is a very evil and dangerous cringy platform on iPhone, Android and PC created by some dude named Evil Mani-Mani, as a ripoff of Musical.ly and Vine to make the world worse. There are many kids, celebrities, and your mom who do very strange one-off dances from Fortnite on here. TikTok is the reason I (and many more people) have lost all faith in humanity, and expect Thanos to come out of retirement; it's full of stupid challenges, some just plain stupid, whilst others could KILL YOU! For example how could we forget the Tide Pod challenge? What was originally a funny meme got taken seriously by idiots and do you want to know the outcome? 10 DEATHS and plenty more hospitalizations, and what about the infamous Skull Breaker Challenge? Idiocy 100! And we can’t not talk about the devious lick trend which saw people stealing school equipment! Sinks, soap dispensers, URINALS, STALL DOORS, TOILETS, THE ENTIRE WATER FOUNTAIN, THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER and MORE!
In fact, Musical.ly was a big hit and then ByteDance, their creators said: "Hey, lets do that, BUT WORSE!" and the result? TikTok! It was critically panned so much In fact that the creators of Musical.ly sued them for copyright, they ended up winning and Musical.ly doesn't exist anymore.
TikTok Addiction[]
People are also too stupid to realize that watching two-hundred 60 second videos equals 3 hours (the average length of a Martin Scorsese movie). They watch this crap for so long that they become addicted to it and start to get infected with TikTok Disease, a neurodegenerative disorder which sends your brain into a state of psychosis, making you listen to slowed down and reverbed remixes of 2010s songs while rapping about Empire Today and making deals with God. It also causes runny to severe arthritis, as you're constantly tapping the screen like it's a freaking game.
As a result, our attention span has been Thanos-snapped out of existence. It turns out that TikTok and YouTube Shorts worked together to murder our attention span to the point that a GOLDFISH has a better attention span than us!
Notable trends[]
Warning: Most of these trends are really stupid, dangerous or outright illegal. You don’t want to remembered as an idiot because of a TikTok challenge. That’s just sad.
- Gentleminions: Teens would go to the Minions movie with around 20 other people in suits and scream, throw bananas at the screen and more.
- Kia boys: Kids would steal cars because from 2 companies because could be hot-wired with a USB in seconds
- Ice Cream challenge: This disgusting challenge had people going into stores, taking a tub of Ice Cream and opening the lid, licking the top and putting it back as if it had never been touched.
- Slap a Teacher: Pretty self explanatory. What could possibly go wrong? (Spoiler alert: Potential PRISON)
- Salt and ice: Although it did not originate from CringeTok, it made it more popular and more dumb. The challenge involved putting salt on your body and putting ice on it. The salt and ice react and either hurts really bad or causes FROSTBITE.
- Skull Breaker: Three people line up and the person in the center jumps up and the other people kick their legs resulting in the jumper hitting their head. That sounds like a dumb way to die. (So many dumb ways to die!)
- Nyquil Chicken: Cooking chicken in cough syrup. Not much else to explain about that!
- Renegade dance: Just a dumb dance.
Guys who use TikTok[]
- Will Smith Fish
- You
- Elmo
- A ripoff Hatsune Miku from the Metaverse. I think her name is Polar?
- DKOldies
- Teletubbies
- A guy who makes ShitToks about old shames. One of the few good users.
- Another guy who dubs over the previous users videos and makes them about drugs.
- Teenagers
- Gordon Ramsay
- Shared Universe People
Of course there’s a lot more than just this list. But that’s a story for another time.
Trivia[]
- They also have a theme song.
- Will Smith Fish uses the app.
- YOU ALSO USE IT! AND I KNOW YOU ARE READING THIS!
- The Teletubbies blew up their headquarters but somehow they respawned.
- You were supposed to destroy its users, not join them.
- Republicans and some Democrats think it was a disease invented by China to infect the minds of the west's youth like the Coronavirus. They are probably right, but who knows?
- You have been in ER at least twice thanks to this app.
- UnUSA government phones do not allow TikTok at all! So they’re the only people safe from TikTok!
- Sometimes TikTok will send you a cake.
- Thanks to the unfortunate success, ByteDance made a spinoff app called CapCut, even though it doesn't stop people from lying.
- YouTube Shorts is much superior to TikTok.
- TikTok stole the attention span of billions.
- Montana just banned TikTok! So owning a flamethrower over there is perfectly okay but not an app? How hypocritical.
- Martin Scorsese will torture you if you watch too much TikToks.
- If you're successful, you can sign deals with streaming services & record labels, but keep in mind that your works will always be panned and perform poorly no matter what.
- The United States of UnAmerica banned TikTok. This caused the American attention span to increase hugely. Okay, maybe not a whole lot...