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The logo of The Wall. It shows a hand being drowned in cement.

Not to be confused with that very weird Gary Stu-holding place, or the actual German wall that Hitler's Clone created. In other words, those are really bad ripoffs.

The Wall is a giant series of "Wall" establishments that specialize in burying people alive in cement, with locations around UnEurope, UnAmerica, and even space. How it works is that you legally pay a fee of around 342 UnDollars (or, if in case a sale happens 142 UnDollars) and legally fill out a "Suicide Form" which gives you the right to opt out within 3 weeks of signing (or, if in the case that doesn't happen legally lets you know that you will be sedated and will wake up trapped in a small space).

The Wall has been operating ever since 1432, which makes it one of THE oldest (if excluding other smaller businesses from this time, then yes this is THE oldest) establishments specializing in assisted burying. Documents show it reels in 13 million a year including its sub services and space establishments. The main audience for The Wall includes the following:

  • Suicidal people
  • Crazy ex-spouses (or, in rare cases ex-boyfriends or girlfriends)
  • Drunk people
  • Masochists
  • Sadists
  • Basically literally anyone who likes pain from others or themselves

History

According to history gathered from building plaques and records, The Wall was created in 1432 after a man literally thought "Why can't we just capitalize on death? Not like funerals, why can't we just capitalize on killing someone? Not like a hitman- ah, you get the idea. Paid assisted DIE.". This is actually shortened and listed as the motto of The Wall ("Why can't we just capitalize on death?"). However, the locations were called "The Wall" because of their noted walls around their stores. This proved to help against enemy stores looking to destroy rival buildings.

The first ever recorded death for 6/2/1432 (of course, in Julian dating. It was actually 6/16/32 in Gregorian) being recorded on parchment in the original location in Europe during the Byzantine era. It listed the name of "Ulfketel Bradston". From what we know from records Ulfketel was a sick peasant who had to be euthanized (a dirty euthanization, though). This is because cement-drowning was not invented yet, so they had to resort to.. crossbows. The record shows they were paid around 10 solidi (approx. 5.83 dollars) to perform a Grueling Dirty DIE.

Aside unimportant deaths spanning from 1435 to 1475 their first extended location was created in 1475, expanding to China. This expansion (which was anticipated 20 years in the making) was actually because they weren't getting any money at all due to the fall of Byzantium, and they figured that they could expand to China for money. Of course, due to more better technology (gunpower and firecrackers and fireworks) they also bought chariots and horses to import goods around the two locations, to establish a total growth.

Whether someone would order a Grueling Dirty DIE for 10 solidi (0.715384 US Dollars or 5 Tael) or a Proper Cool DIE for 25 solidi (2.68 USD or 12.5 Tael), they would always have the option for European methods or Chinese methods. Due to some freaking' reason, the Chinese methods sold more (oh not much, just 450 dollars more). This almost caused the closure of the original location, but they realized that was stupid and decided to keep it.

Over the years, they were able to gather enough money to open 6 more locations in Asia (2 in Vietnam, 2 in China, 1 in Japan and 1 in Korea), 9 locations around Europe, and by the time they had just enough to buy the most biggest boats ever they were able to buy boats just in time for the liberation of UnAmerica. Because of this, they ordered some employees to sail to UnAmerica and start stores there. However, due to the known crime rate of washing machines refusing to do laundry and killing people, they also specialized in the intentional haywiring of washing machines.

It was during this time that in 1842 an employee accidentally learned the work of "Cement Drowning". He was attempting to build a new location and accidentally cemented his tools and suddenly had a revelation: "Why can't we make our business situated around drowning people in cement?"

He proposed the easy and efficient idea with his bosses, and they agreed considering it fit their name. And so in 1846 The Wall would be phasing out their most outdated ways to kill and incorporated the "Cement Logo" we all know today, including the method itself. The idea of Cement Drowning would be this:

  • Sign a form agreeing that you want to drown yourself in cement
  • Pay fees
  • Volunteer to be inside a small space (not recommended if you have a fear of small spaces, and if so just use other methods offered)\
  • Volunteer to be drowned and suffocated in cement
  • Profit

This method was masterful, as it had profited both building companies and The Wall itself. Everyone won using this method, and eventually all their rival businesses could not compete with their methods, all but two ripoffs which still stand to this day. The Wall has been operating more livelier ever since and even incorporated additional guns to ensure your death.

Trivia

  • As said in the history, cement drowning wasn't actually used until 1846.
    • Additionally, the logo we see was actually created in 1846.
  • The Wall was ripped off in Germany, where they don't do business. It was created by Hitler's Clone.
  • The Wall actually offers other methods than Cement Drowning.
  • The Wall incorporated the latest guns as a separate method or as part of the "Cement Drowning" pack.
  • Its sub services include a hospital, a prison, and a cement-making business.
  • They have 4 large shareholders.
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