The Sword Battle is Season 1 Episode 3 of The Super Wario Bros. Wah-wah Show!
- Dry Bones
- Some tiny moron that nobody cares about
- Gay Luigi
- Ludwig von Koopa
- George. W. Bush
- Angry German Kid (KIA)
- Fire Plantio (KIA)
- Homestar Runner (KIA)
- Shy Guy (KIA)
- Black Mage (KIA)
- New Mario
- New New Mario
- Homer Simpson
- Donkey Kong
- Bob the Builder
- Barack Obama
- Dr. Eggman
DRY BONES: Okay guys, what do you think we should do for our next attack on those blasted Drop Dead Wario Team?
GAY LUIGI: Well, since all of us are guys, we can have the best gay hardcore orgy ever! The DDWT will be so impressed that they will end the war and we will be allies instead!
DRY BONES: Gay Luigi...
GAY LUIGI: What?
DRY BONES: Get the fuck out.
GAY LUIGI: Why? Is it because I'm gay?!
DRY BONES: No, it's not that. It's just that your idea is so bad that I fired you for that bullshit. Now get out.
GAY LUIGI: Fine! I'm joining the DDWT instead! You guys were homophobes anyways!
GAY LUIGI storms out of the office.
DRY BONES: Now that he's gone, any more ideas?
DRY BONES: Nah. That sounds too complicated. Nice idea, though! That's exactly what I expect from my loyal army!
LUDWIG VON KOOPA: Why, thank you!
DRY BONES: Any more ideas?
GEORGE W. BUSH: I used a sword once. Can we use swords against the DDWT in the next battle?
DRY BONES: Well, I do have a very big collection of the best swords out there. Oh, yes! This is the perfect time to use them! We will go by your idea, George!
LUDWIG VON KOOPA: My idea is better, though.
DRY BONES: Nah, it was too complicated. Plus, swords are cool!
LUDWIG VON KOOPA: True...
Meanwhile at WARIO's house, WARIO has been watching the Koopa Dynastia plan the attack in the living room. His TV has been connected to the security camera at DRY BONES's office by the highly intelligent DR. EGGMAN, but the Koopa Dynastia doesn't know this.
WARIO: A sword battle, eh? Hey Waluigi! Call the other members of the Drop Dead Wario Team at once! We need to have a meeting about this!
WALUIGI: Yes, sir!
All of the members of the Drop Dead Wario Team have been gathered around in the living room.
WARIO: I was watching the security camera recently, and I found out that the Koopa Dynastia will be having a sword fight with us!
WALUIGI: Yeah! Unfortunately, we have no swords! Anyone of you got swords of your own?
DAISY: Oh yeah. I got plenty of them. I actually have my best sword right now!
DAISY pulls out her Evil Sword.
NIM-NOM: I gotz me a wooden swordz! It's the bezt one out heer!
DAISY: Seriously? A wooden sword? Please kick out this sperg. He's acting like a faggot.
WARIO: Hmm... Now that you mention it, he IS a total faggot. Nim-Nom, you are fired.
NIM-NOM: FUCK U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE U DAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NIM-NOM runs out of WARIO's house, crying.
DAISY: Heh. What a bitchfit.
BARNEY: Can I use my penis as a sword?
WARIO: NO, faggot! Get the fuck out of here! You're fired!
BARNEY: Fine then. If you can't appreciate my penis, then I won't appreciate you.
BARNEY walks out. GAY LUIGI walks in.
GAY LUIGI: Hey guys!
WARIO: No. You're not joining in.
GAY LUIGI: But guys! The Koopa Dynastia fired me, and I have nowhere else to go!
WARIO: I know, Gay Luigi, but you were acting like a total faggot. And I don't like faggots. You can get out as well.
GAY LUIGI: Wait, how did you know?
WALUIGI: It doesn't matter, now get out!
GAY LUIGI: Ugh, fine...
GAY LUIGI walks out.
WARIO: Who else has a sword?
OIRAM: Uh, I have a question. Do you and Waluigi have a sword or swords?
WALUIGI: I don't...
WARIO: Well, I guess you won't be participating in the fight, then. Do you have a sword, Oiram?
OIRAM: Yes. It's a diamond sword!
WARIO: Good enough. Anyone else?
NEW NEW MARIO: I have a Red Darksaber!
NEW MARIO: As opposed to my Blue Darksaber?
NEW NEW MARIO: Yes, obviously. It doesn't kill anyone else who tries to wield it, though. Plus, it's slightly weaker than the Blue Darksaber.
WARIO: Interesting. Anyone else?
The rest didn't have swords.
WARIO: No? Okay. I guess everyone else won't participate. For those of you with swords, let's get ready for battle!
The Drop Dead Wario Team and the Koopa Dynastia are at the nondescript field. They are all holding swords. All of the Koopa Dynastia and WARIO has steel swords, while the Drop Dead Wario Team sword-wielders have special swords.
DRY BONES: You will never defeat us this time, Fartio!
SOME TINY MORON THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT: Yeah! All of your swords are weak! You will never win with those shitty swords!
NEW MARIO: Did you just underestimate my sword?! You have triggered me, sir! My Blue Darksaber is loads better than all of y'alls normal swords! How dare you say that our swords are weak! You are a swordist! Just because our swords are different, doesn't mean that they are weak! You people disgust me! You should be in prison for your hate crimes against minority swords!
DAISY: Okay, that SJW stuff is getting old.
NEW MARIO: Alright, I'll stop...
DAISY: Good. You need to learn how to tell a joke correctly.
NEW MARIO: I'm working on it, I promise...
WARIO: Okay, spergs, let's fight already!
DRY BONES: Right. LET'S GO!
The fight begins! NEW MARIO kills ANGRY GERMAN KID and FIRE PLANTIO with his Blue Darksaber. NEW NEW MARIO kills HOMESTAR RUNNER with his Red Darksaber. GANON kills SHY GUY with The Sword of Evil. DAISY killed BLACK MAGE with her Evil Sword. Meanwhile, literally no one in the Drop Dead Wario Team got killed.
DRY BONES: Guys, we're losing! Retreat!
GEORGE W. BUSH: Why? I'm having fun!
DRY BONES: JUST GO!
GEORGE W. BUSH: Ugh, fine...
The Koopa Dynastia retreats. The Drop Dead Wario Team roars in celebration.
The X-Men are in the living room, talking about the battle.
WARIO: We did it, guys! We have defeated the Koopa Dynastia again! And without the Wario-Man power-up!
WALUIGI: Yeah. We should use our swords more often.
NEW MARIO: I agree! It has been a long time since I last used my Blue Darksaber, actually. I forgot how much I loved it!
NEW NEW MARIO: Same with my Red Darksaber.
WARIO: There's no way that we can lose now! MWAhahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Meanwhile in the Koopa Dynastia base, the remaining members of the Koopa Dynastia are at DRY BONES's office.
DRY BONES: Great. Just fucking great. We now have 6 members left in our team, and the DDWT still has like 10 members!
LUIGI: It's not that bad, sir.
DRY BONES: Oh really? Not that bad, huh? How do you explain their swords, then?
LUIGI: Yeah, good point. All we have is shitty swords compared to them.
LUDWIG VON KOOPA: You know, if we had gone through with my idea, this wouldn't have happened in the first place.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Uh, can you like, shut the fuck up already? Dry Bones already said that it's too complicated. My idea was better because swords are cool!
LUDWIG VON KOOPA: Well, look where it has gotten us now.
SOME TINY MORON THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT: I'm gonna have to agree with Ludwig von Koopa on this one. We lost some team members due to that battle. I'm afraid that if we keep up with sword dueling, we might all die.
DRY BONES: You're right... Ludwig von Koopa! We shall go with your idea! You must go to the Drop Dead Wario Team's base and become a member! Then, you must gather important information, take ALL of their swords without them knowing, and go back to the base! Then, we will go attack with our new swords after that, making those fags drop dead, am I right? Mwahahahahahaha!! This is the best plan I have ever come up with!
LUDWIG VON KOOPA: I knew it! I knew that we should have gone with my idea!
DRY BONES: Yeah. I deeply regret not going with your idea in the first place. Because of this, I will promote you to third in command! Congratulations!
Everyone celebrates. The screen turns black, and white text appears.
TEXT: To be continued...
- The actors actually did die. Many critics praised this episode for keeping it real. Insane Guy actually died in the last episode too.
- This episode is better than the last one.
- This episode is a remake of a Season 1 episode of The Super Wario Bros. Wah-wah Show! (the original version from the UnMario Wiki) called Wars with Swords!.
- This episode also appears in the UnMario Wiki: The Sword Battle