How bad could I possibly be? I'm just killing animals!
—The Once-ler
Wow, this guy's like, a total douchebag.
The Once-ler is a venture capitalist and founder the of Thneedville. He claims he is "misunderstood" because he likes to kill harmless animals. He even made a song about it. He is considered Keter-class. The Once-ler also has two brothers, the Twice-ler and the Ounceler.
Oh yeah, he's a musician too, and a really bad one. If you talk to him he will shill to you his soundcloud. He's not just a musician, he falls more under the artist umbrella. Because when he's not making his shitty songs, he's killing barbaloots and using their blood as paint.
History[]
So one day the Incel-ler (I call him that cause I hate him) got kicked out of his house because he was 25, had no job, and smelt like ass. To spite his hot mom, he became gay. With his fuck mule, he rode off to search for a perfect land where he can have sexual contact with animals. After several days of living off of souls, piss, and semen, he finally made it to said "promised lands".
After he got off his mule, he shot it then raped its still alive corpse. The Lorax (who is awesome) saw this and immediately ate a taco. Not because he's mexican or anything. So then The Once-ler started chopping down allllll the trees. Pipsqueak saw this and started biting The Once-ler (He was perfectly within his rights to do this). The Once-ler picked up pipsqueak and chucked him into the pit of lava. (Damn!) Pipsqueak squealed in pain and The Once-ler proceeded to trap his ascending soul in a jar. He said "wow" as he proceeded to do other terrible things. The Once-ler's product that he's dropshipping fresh souls, so this was basically perfect.
The Lorax, seeing this, shot himself in the head. The Once-ler also trapped that soul. After about 3 years of bullshit the promised land was devastated because of Once-stein. He had captured all the barbaloot souls and raped their bodies. After seeing all the terrible shit he did, and pretending that he cared, he moved to Epstein Island, where his devilish acts are perfectly legal. Not because the developer of his city outlawed homosexuality in the fine print and he couldn't live there, of course not.
Trivia[]
- He's gay
- He has a wife named Grammy Norma
- He's best friends with Jeffery Epstein
- HE ACTUALLY HATES CHUCK NORRIS, WHAT A DICK!!!
- He's a loyal follower of Captain 1
"Biggering" is his best song, no question. Arguably one of the best villain songs out there, but everything else sounds like Tom Kenny having unlawful intercourse with a mule. He has talent, but it frustrates me he's just wasting it on mindless pop music. What happened Once-ler?
"Biggering" is his best song, no question. Arguably one of the best villain songs out there, but everything else sounds like Tom Kenny having unlawful intercourse with a mule. He has talent, but it frustrates me he's just wasting it on mindless pop music. What happened Once-ler?