The Golden Monkey is a golden ancient symbol of worship from South America (as well as Hearthstone). He wards off shitty memetic witchcraft by granting immunization and protections to all who observe him. He is far superior to the unfunny "no you + ∞" macros, as he's a monkey and not Gru; his macros are non-reactionary. The Golden Monkey lives in The Golden Monkey's Temple. Many tribes offer him gilded bananas in reverence of him, but not The Golden Banana as that brings Donkey Kong Country curses.
It's said he is a good version of Weegee, as your life is made better and not worse by seeing him (unless it's The Uranium Monkey, then your screwed. He's really into monkey business). Oh yeah, forgot to mention, The Golden Monkey has the ability to cause hallucinations in anyone who witnesses him, which is why you see Impact typeface letters to begin with. Performing the sacred dance and the sacred song for The Golden Monkey will make him shower you in regular non-definitive golden bananas.
Relatives[]
The Golden Monkey has many other brothers and sisters clones. They are definitely not NFTs. All provide immunities to crap online in other ways:
- The Silver Monkey: Quadruples the immunity granted by The Golden Monke.
- The Platinum Monkey: Grants immunity to posts which seek to disparage you.
- The Tungsten Monkey: Grants immunity to being "you're"'d.
- The Wolfram Monkey: Grants immunity to being Nerd emoji'd.
- The Uranium Monkey: Grants immunity to being alive.
- The Lead Monkey: Grants immunity to the Uranium Monkey.
- The Diamond Monkey: Grants immunity to "do something or something bad will happen" posts.
- The Sapphire Monkey: Grants immunity to "line" posts.
- The Amethyst Monkey: Grants immuinity to "ticket claiming" posts.
- The Ruby Monkey: Grants immunity to "everytime you repost this image a random person gets turned into" posts.
- The Amber Monkey: Grants immunity to edited post trickery.
- The Noir Monkey: Grants immunity to Uno Reverse cards.
- The Shadow Monkey: Grants immunity to being afraid of the dark.
- The Anti-Golden Monkey: Revokes the immunity of "Repost If" posts. Is a weaker version of God.
Not-relatives[]
- God: Forever revokes The Golden Monkey's protections.
- Satan: Forever revokes God's protections.
- Noise: Makes your head turn into Peppino's if you don't spread his disease.
Gallery[]
