UnAnything Wiki

What is UnAnything? UnAnything is a 2008-humor wiki that's been running for over a decade. Want to edit? Just read the guide. Be sure to also check out our Discord! Have fun!

READ MORE

UnAnything Wiki
Advertisement
King Leonidas 300

Leonidas charging toward Toka's throne in the final battle.

Council

The Spartan council discussing the tryanny of Toka Ryuumonbuchi.

Jus Oborn

Jus Oborn with his 2145 Caliber guitar, using it to defeat Vice General Mako Someya.

File:Defeated.jpg

It was that moment that Hajime realized she was well and truly screwed.

The 2nd Spartan War was the nickname of the battle between Germany and Sparta that raged from 2009 - 2010. It is known for being one of the goriest and darkest wars of German and Spartan history, including the World Wars and the Spaghettian War. The German side was led by Toka Ryuumonbuchi, and the Spartan side was led by Leonidas.

Build Up

The Spartans, who were allied with Germany for quite some time now, were fed up with Toka Ryuumonbuchi's tyrannical rule over the land. To discuss this, Leonidas gathered all Governmental citizens of Sparta to gather in the council. Finally, after hours of debate, Leonidas decided to throw a teaparty with Toka's Government to get more information on her rule.

Spartan Tea Party

Later, on March 19th 1551, Leonidas politely invited Toka to the Spartan Tea Part. Toka obliged, and soon there was a major discussion between the two councils. Eventually, Toka started arguing, and the Spartans blasted back which Toka took the wrong way. Eventually Toka retreated back to Germany, leaving the Spartans in a panic.

Spartan Council Meeting - The next day

In order to calm the panic, Leonidas hosted another council meeting. He said that now that they had pissed Toka off she was bound to launch an attack on Sparta, so he said to be prepared at any minute for an attack by the tyrannical Fuhrer.

Meanwhile, Toka was preparing an attack on Sparta, just as the Spartans had suspected. To launch a surpise attack on them, Toka sent her 3 generals, Hajime Kunihiro, Jun Inoue and Hulk Hogan to launch an air raid on the city of Sparta.

One Week later - The raid of Sparta

Just when the city was having yet another council meeting, the 4 generals had started to tear up the city of Sparta with fighter jets. Due to Sparta's weak military power, they weren't able to find anything to stop the fighter jets with, and the council were forced to seek shelter in their underground base while the bombing subsided.

Another council meeting was gathered that next week, and Leonidas declared was against Germany by burning the German flag on live broadcast at Toka Ryuumonbuchi's palace.

The next attack

Toka, beyond outraged at the disgrace of her country, sent her 4 generals once again to finish off what remained of Sparta. However, when the generals returned to Toka saying that they had completely wiped out the city, Toka laughed with pride, commenting on how easy it was to win the war. Little did she know, the Spartans were already well on their way towards Germany, preparing an ambush and the first true battle of the war...

The Siege of Berlin

Leonidas, who had gathered 4 generals, Saki Miyanaga, Jus Oborn, Oscar Meyers and Andrew Jackson, had took an army of troops on an underground path towards Germany. They eventually made their way under Berlin, where they launched a surprise attack on the city. The Spartans all slaughtered everyone they saw, and Toka's troops were at a severe disadvantage because of the ambush. Leonidas, with the help of a few troops, managed to bring down the top of the German clock tower on top of the lead German tank, destroying it and forcing the Germans to retreat. Leonidas then placed the Spartan flag on top of the debris to claim the victory. The Spartans then mad haste back to Sparta before Toka's reinforcements could arrive.

Meanwhile

Toka was grieving the loss of her once great city. In revenge, she sent her generals down to Sparta for yet another air raid on the city, telling them to "show no mercy".

The Great Duel 1,000,000 feet in the air

At the same time this was happening, Leonidas also sent aircrafts full of generals and soldier. Halfway through the journey, the two respected air forces met in the air, and began to duke it out when they realized eachother.

Led by Jus Oborn, the Spartan planes were easily able to overcome that of the Germans' due to Jus' great maneuvering skills. Soon after, however, an aircraft led by Jun Inoue swooped from the sky and split Oborn's plane in half. Before Oborn could hit the ground, he jumped out of it and used his epic guitar skills to safely float him down. Jun Inoue swooped down to finish him off, but a legion of Spartan reinforcement planes ganged up on her, and blew her ship to smithereens. Unknowingly to them, who were celebrating victory, Jun had escaped using a pie shield and escaped back to Germany to tell of the loss.

Battle of Space

When Jun and the other 3 generals who had all survived told her of the disaster and defeat, Toka flew into a mournful outrage, and didn't even know what to do anymore. Meanwhile, the Spartans had led yet another merciless assault by making a pact with the Death Star. The Spartans then traveled to the Death Star to gather a weapon to completely wipe out Germany. Vice General Mako Someya, having heard this over a hacked broadcast, informed Toka who sent Mako, the 4 generals and a new ally, Tomoki Sawamura, to take the fight to space.

During the space battle, Leonidas and all the other generals were safely locked inside the Death Star while Darth Vader and many other troops were battling the Germans outside. When Leonidas noticed they were losing and that Vader's body had been sent plummeting to Earth by Mako Someya, Leonidas sent out the generals in an attempt to win the battle.

Jus Oborn, who had left the Death Star to fight, was immediately met with Mako Someya after he landed on an asteroid. They both had an epic sword duel, with Mako using a 9 metre long katana and Jus using his Guitar of Destiny. When Mako tossed him down and was about to impale him with her katana, Jus kicked her off and whipped out his 2145 Caliber Guitar, which he used to play an epic solo which exploded Mako's head and sent her body plummeting into space.

Meanwhile, Saki Miyanaga was having a difficult time with her battle against Hajime Kunihiro. She had disabled her katana, but Hajime had proven to be a formidable hand to hand fighter. After a ferocious beatdown, Saki finally regained her strength and tossed a giant asteroid at Hajime, ejecting her from the battle.

Despite the self proclaimed disadvantages, the mini one on one battles gave time for the Germans to give a full assault on the Death Star. The Death Star, which had good protective armor, genuinely wasn't affected by the Germans small military plane attacks, but the attacks rendered it helpless against the raid. Finally, after about 10 minutes, the planes finally brought the Death Star down to Earth. Toka, upon hearing this, celebrated the victory.

Little did they know, Leonidas and the rest of the generals survived...and it was time to end this war once and for all...

The Final Battle

Unkbeknowst to Toka, who was partying in celebration of the great victory, the Spartans had gathered in the wreckage of the Death Star, 11:55 AM. Leonidas stood over the ruins of the ship, and turned around to the Spartans with his epic speech:

"Ryuumonbuchi has crossed the line this time! She has raped and destroyed the once great name of the city of Sparta! Tonight we show no mercy! Tonight we dine in Hell!"

Followed by a fist uprising and a cheer by the other Spartans, the Spartans planned their attack...

Leonidas explained in front of the Spartans. He said that they would strike at midnight, when Toka's army was at their lowest point of strength. He said that Jus Oborn and Saki Miyanaga would help him sneak into Toka's fortress while the battle commenced.

Later That Night... The Final Battle, part 2

While most of Toka's henchmen had fallen asleep, including the Generals, Toka had not. She was still laughing and celebrating by herself.

Meanwhile, the Spartans had circled around her base, hidden in the shadows. Lieutenant Barnacle Boy had been ordered to go and disable the security with his spy skills, but accidentally stepped on a twig, snapping it...and that's when the crap hit the fan.

The Final Battle, part 3

The twig snapping had woke up some of the guards, who set the alarm which rang throughout the base, waking Toka up, who had finally fallen asleep. She was annoyed that she was woken up, but Hulk Hogan and the rest of the Generals informed her that the Spartans were raiding her base.

As Leonidas cursed Lt. Barnacle Boy for getting them noticed, the soldiers filed out and the battle began. Hajime Kunihiro was the first general to enter the battlefield.

20 minutes into the battle, Hajime noticed Saki Miyanaga, who was fighting her way through the soldiers, following Jus Oborn and Leonidas. Hajime, still wanting revenge for being defeated in the last battle, attacked Saki. Saki told Leonidas and Jus that she would hold off Hajime while they snuck into the base.

The Final Battle, Part 4

Meanwhile, Lieutenant Barnacle Boy was cowering in fear, trying to fight, when a massive hand struck him in the back. He turned around and saw Hulk Hogan, who weilded a baseball bat. Barnacle Boy ran in fear, but Hulk Hogan threw him in the air and started to beat him up in the sky. Hogan knocked around BB like a baseball in the sky, and to finish him off, somehow formed spikes on the ground, which he tossed BB into, impaling and killing him.

Elsewhere, Leonidas and Jus Oborn attempted to sneak into Toka's fortress in the back, away from the fighting. Jus, using his guitar skills, hacked open the code and opened the gates. Jun Inoue, however, who had been watching this from a hidden balcony, sent out a drugged George Volcano to kill them before they could enter the fortress.

Jus told Leonidas to go while he held off George Volcano. Leonidas obliged, and Jus and the living volcano began to fight...

While these events happened, Saki and Hajime continued their fight. Hajime had the upper hand this time due to good training, something Saki hadn't the time to do. After some more fighting, Saki fell to the ground, seemingly defeated. Hajime smiled evilly, and raised her katana to finish the job. However, a force of magnetic energy surrounded Saki, and she knocked Hajime away. A black abyss formed behind Saki and trapped Hajime. Hajime, realizing she was screwed, desperately tried to fight the darkness, but Saki finished her off and killed her with a katana.

The Final Battle, Part 5

Meanwhile, Jus Oborn and Leonidas were faced with an even bigger problem - the drugged George Volcano that had to be taken down in order to get inside the building. Jus Oborn, who was trusted by Leonidas, unsheathed his guitar and smirked as he told Leonidas he would hold off George Volcano. Leonidas obliged, before heading off into the building...

Back in front of the building, Hulk Hogan was now dominating the battlefield, taking down dozens upon dozens of Spartan soldiers. Saki attempted to attack him when he was focused on another soldier, but he swiftly punched her into a rock, knocking her unconscious.

Suddenly, a shadowed figure arrived on the battlefield. It cut through both German and Spartan soldiers alike, before it's weapon got a swift slice on Hulk Hogan, bringing him to his knees. The shadowed figure revealed itself, and to Hogan's shock, it was none other than Koromo Ryuumonbuchi, the cousin of Touka whom had joined together with the Spartans. She began to commence her epic duel with Hogan.

In the meanwhile, George Volcano and Jus Oborn's battle was well underway, and the more Oborn struck George, the more rabid he would become. He attempted to deflect one of George's blows with his guitar, but he only ended up ripping off two strings. George Volcano pummeled him into the ground, and began to lay Jus a ferocious beating. Jus managed to muster up what little strength left and rose his guitar high into the air. The guitar formed a purple beam of light, which hit George square in the face. George stumbled back in pain, and Jus pushed himself to his feet, but he did not realize George's foot coming out of the sky and crushing him...

Meanwhile, Koromo continued her battle with Hulk Hogan. She attempted to cut at his abs, but the blades were deflected due to the fact that Hogan's abs were made up of pure steel. Koromo felt the slice of her own blades and collapsed to the ground, wounded. Hogan began to pummel her to the dirt, but she managed to swiftly grab onto his right arm, swinging herself over his head (and giving him a nice view of her panties as well). She took him to the ground with a right hook. In a fit of blind rage, Hogan suddenly pulled out a green pill and forced it into Koromo's mouth, expecting for it to make her weaker. However, he did not realize that he pulled out the strength pill, and which was now dissolving in Koromo's stomach. Koromo felt a burst of massive energy and, now covered in a purple mist of energy, she charged at the shocked Hogan, who was completely incinerated in her wake.

In the meanwhile, while George Volcano returned to his chambers, Oborn pulled himself out of the trench in the ground, and attempted to crawl himself into Touka's castle...

The Final Battle, Part 5: The Climactic Battle in Touka's Castle

Touka grieved at the sights outside, as she watched her generals and soldiers fall one by one. Tomoki and Jun, she realized, were now her only generals remaining. As she wept by the window, Leonidas suddenly and unexpectedly burst through an air vent, wielding his signature sword. After the both of them exchanged snide remarks about eachother, Touka infuriated reached under her couch and pulled out a sword. The two began to clash, slicing at eachother determinedly. The two of them, once reaching the walls, grabbed out for the guns on the walls and began to duel with two pistols. Eventually, the gun fight led out into the Hall of Mahjong. The fight then lead into Touka's Throne Room. The two of them began to fire even more voraciously, destroying everything around them. Finally, Leonidas, in a heroic suicide attempt to finish off Touka, fired his weapon at a propane tank. This said propane tank was connected to a few others, and it set off a chain reaction. The entire castle began to explode, and Leonidas narrowly managed to jump out into the open wind.

However, this did the Spartans more damage than good. As Leonidas fell, many soldiers and a few of his generals were killed in the fire. Touka then fell to the ground, and she realized that Leonidas was the only Spartan left. Behind her were a group of 1,000 back up soldiers who had came late. Leonidas, falling to his knees and crying to the heavens, began to sob. The last thing Leonidas would ever hear was Touka's annoying laugh, and the last thing he would ever see were arrows descending upon him... Until Happycat arrived.

The Final Battle, Part 6: The Battle gets even epicer

Toka was the third-strongest force within continental Europe at the time, and Happycat was just as, if not even more, powerful (Chuck Norris was having tea with Queen Elizabeth). wip

Aftermath

After Sparta's defeat, Touka continued her supreme rule over Germany, as well as in addition to taking over a good part of northern Sparta. However, unbeknownst to her, a new threat would later rise to take revenge on Leonidas...

Advertisement