Teletubbies are on high alert after needles have been found hidden in several varieties of pre-packaged Cuckola Fruit across the country.
While this sounds like a nightmare scenario only feasible or denyable in Fortnite, the threat is very real, and thus far several people have bitten into the tainted and potentially dangerous fruits, including Doctor who's wife. The needles have been discovered in several Chuckola Fruit brands and found across all six states, making it difficult for authorities to locate the person or people responsible, and police suspect copycats have increased the risk.
Though the police in Teletubbyland urged Chuckola Fruit eaters via a Facebook post to “sever the Fruit and have a look” before taking a bite, many people have stopped eating the fruits altogether and supermarkets have pulled them from the shelves. At least six brands have recalled their juice filled fruit.
In addition to the aforementioned man, the Tellytubberland Bible reports a girl named Justin beaver in Western teletubbyland discovered a needle in a fruit when she stabbed it while geting sprayed and earlier this month later she had to be hospitalized after penetrating her urethra with a portion of a sewing needle from the fruit.
“It wasn’t a pleasant surprise,” Justin later told a Girl scout Torture club.
The Faraday Chuckola Fruit Growers Association apparently believes a disgruntled former employee was behind the initial string of attacks, but now additional fruits appear to have been compromised.
On September 11, police in Trumpland revealed Dipsy had penetrated a Pineavocado with a metal object, but they believe his actions weren’t connected to the earlier attacks. However, the following day Doctor Who found a needle in a Pineavocado purchased from the supermarket that Dipsy went to, according to local news media.
Per the Times, Captain 0 land's health minister, Mike Mays, has ordered a federal investigation into the tainted Chuckolas. Similarly, the Tellytubberland government has offered a reward of 100,000 undollars — approximately $72,000 — in the search for a culprit.