Starbucks (plural: Starbucks) is the temple that franchise that is used by Coffee Worshipers to properly worship their coffee. The first Starbucks was built in 1872, and more Starbucks have since been constructed all across the UnWorld. It is estimated that there are only three cities that do not have a Starbucks in them: Stupid City (where the national religion is Stupidsm), Possum City (there was one before it got burned down in a riot), and Nowhere (because there's nothing there).


Starbucks works like this: First, the worshiper enters the temple. Then, he places an order by combining a flavor of coffee and an oddly named cup size. After that, the cleric creates the requested drink and provides it to the worshiper. The worshiper gives a donation (size of the donation depends on what the worshiper requested), and the worshiper consumes the coffee.

Many claim that this is actually just a restaurant. Well you know what? They're right. Starbucks was built as a scam to trick religious fanatics into throwing away money and getting poor quality coffee in return. Starbucks is just a scam.

Cup Sizes


A Your Mom cup being compared to a short cup.

  • Imaginary - 0oz
  • Infant - 4oz
  • Short - 8oz
  • Tall - 12oz
  • Grande - 16oz
  • Venti - 20oz
  • Extra Venti - 25oz
  • Trenta - 31oz
  • Viking - 35oz
  • Cow - 40oz
  • Your Mom - 100oz
  • OVER 9000 - 9001oz
  • Baby Yoshi - 10000oz
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