Cats reenacting Star Wars.
Star Wars was a war in A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far Far Away. It was a war between the Jedi Knights and the Galactic Empire. It is commonly split into 6 movies. Some may argue that there are more than 6 movies, however that is simply not the case. If you ever encounter one of these people, give them a good slap on the face and a bullet in the chest.
Star Wars used to be a great series, but ever since 2014 (especially 2017-present), Star Wars became complete shit because of the talentless hacks working for Didney.
Episodes I-VI[]
Episode I[]
The story starts, unsurprisingly, with the galactic republic in economic decline. Taxation has provoked the trade federation to make a blockade around Naboo. Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi to negotiate with the federation, but they mess everything up and the federation tries to kill them and invades Naboo with a droid army. So, the "negotiators" run away. Typical. On Naboo, Qi-Gon saves an alien gungan from being run over by a tank. He instantly regrets this though, as the gungan turns out to be the idiotic and irritating Jar Jar Binks, who decides to follow them aroud and be no help at all. They try to lose him by going to the Otoh Gunga, as Jar Jar isn't allowed there, but instead they get sent to Theed. In Theed, they rescue Queen Amidala, and with an obnoxious droid called R2-D2, the leave for the planet of Tatooine, which bears a strong resemblance to Australia and Teufort, and is run by an obese alien called Jabba the Hutt. While Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Jar-Jar, and Amidala's surprisingly familiar maid Padme look around, they meet a bug-like alien called Watto, and his minion, a 9-year-old called Anakin Skywalker, who has created a droid called C-3PO who is constantly caused misery by everyone else.
Knowing that training another apprentice is likely to help him get a promotion, and also wanting a droid to cause misery, Qui-Gon persuades Watto to gamble Anakin in the Podracing. Anakin wins the Podrace, and Qui-Gon wins Anakin and C-3PO, who is now doomed to a life of pain and suffering, not least from R2-D2. As they return to the ship however, they are attacked by Darth Mall, an apprentice of an evil villian called The Hood. Mall attacks them with his dual bladed lightsaber, but they escape. Qui-Gon knows nothing about Mall, but suspects him to be a Sith. He tells the rest of the jedi council about his escapades, but they doubt Mall was a Sith and tell Qui-Gon if he wants to train Anikan, he can do it himself. Amidala meanwhile, is convinced by Senator Paltapine to try a get a stronger chancellor to power, but the galactic senate don't care, so she and the jedi return to Naboo.
There, they find out Padme is actually Queen Amidala, and Queen Amidala was just some maid in disguise. The Gungan make an alliance with Naboo, some idiot makes Jar Jar a general, and they all head out for war. Queen Padme captures the Federation viceroy, Nute Gunray, Anakin and R2 manage to pilot a Naboo ship and shut down the droids, and Qui-Gon and Obi-wan fight Darth Mall. Mall fatally wounds Qui-Gon, who pleads Obi-Wan to train Anakin, then dies. Obi Wan then kills Mall with Qui-Gon's lightsaber, and takes Qui Gon's body.
After the battle, Qui-Gon is given a jedi funeral, Obi-Wan is becomes a Jedi knight, the Jedi council gives Obi-Wan their granting to train Anakin, Gunray is put on trial, and Queen Padme gives a symbol of friendship to the Gungans.
Episodes II-VI[]
Just like episode I, episodes II-VI are masterpieces. That's all you need to know.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars[]
Star Wars: The Clone Wars is an extremely overrated 2008 reboot of the much superior Star Wars: Clone Wars 2003. Star Wars: The Clone Ways retcons previous Star Wars material, including Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones and many Star Wars books for example. Ahsoka Tano is extremely overrated, and lots of people treat her like a God who is better than Chuck Norris. The Jedi Council would have NEVER trusted Anakin enough to have an apprentice, especially during the fucking CLONE WARS. Even the legendary George Lucas himself wanted Ahsoka to DIE. Oh, and season 7 sucks the most.
TL;DR: Star Wars: Clone Wars 2003 is MOAR canon than Star Wars: The Clone Wars 2008. Cry about it, n00b.
Didney Star Wars[]
In 2012, George Lucas sold Star Wars to Didney. Things were seemingly normal until 2014, where Didney rebranded the Star Wars Expanded UnUniverse as Star Wars Legends so they can create their new Star Wars canon. At least 90% of Didney's Star Wars "Canon" is poorly written, has SJW bullshit, has lots of Mary Sues, is a massive insult to George Lucas' work, and that's only the tip of the iceberg. It's obvious that George Lucas regrets selling Star Wars and trusting Didney in the first place.
TL;DR: Both George Lucas' Star Wars and Star Wars Legends are the REAL Star Wars canon.
Episode VII: The Force Awakens[]
This is literally just a shitty rip-off of episode IV but with different characters.
Episode VIII: The Last Jedi[]
This movie was created by a manbaby on Twitter who wanted to ruin Luke Skywalker's legacy.
Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker[]
Don't get us started.
Trivia[]
- Bully Maguire used to be in Star Wars, but Didney removed him for making a gay joke, and that's because Didney is way too sensitive.