Squadala Cable is a television service that used to be provided by Bowser, but is now provided by Squadala Man. It provides cable for the Squadala Empire, Africa, the Middle East, and parts of the Weegee Empire. It is known for its heavy bias towards Weegee and his allies.

Squadala Cable was created after the citizens of the Squadala Empire complained that they didn't get any television out there. Squadala Man responded by summoning his greatest technical agents, politicians, and spies. They created Squadala Cable, a television broadcasting system specifically made for the Squadala Empire. One of their only competitors is Billy Mays Satellite.


There are four main government channels:

  • Squadala Channel - A channel where all of the shows are about Squadala Man.
  • The Birds Are Singing About News - A channel that tells things as if Ganon, Morshu, Link, etc. are the greatest people in the UnOmniverse
  • Die Kids - A channel for brainwashing children
  • Koradi Military History - A channel about the Squadala Army and how awesome it is

There are also some other channels provided by other companies:


Every channel and stuff runs through the Squadala Cable that goes from the headquarters in Squadala City to every house and apartment. Sometimes people like to be evil, especially in The Middle East, and cut the cable and lotsa people lose their TV. Squadala Man took care of this by setting up lotsa guards with magnums around the cable.


Squadala Cable costs 0 UnDollars every month. Before the Squadala Army took over, it was 100 Squadollars (1 Squadollar = 1 UnDollar).


Back in the Squadala Empire days, everyone who owned a TV in the Squadala Empire was required to pay 50 Squadollars every month to Squadala Cable to keep it running, even if they didn't watch Squadala Cable. Some people thought this was stupid, but they were thrown into jail.

Nowadays, Squadala Cable is funded by a counterfeiting operation that produces fake Rupees, Bowser Bucks, and Ducky Dollars to destroy the economy of Squadala Man's enemy countries.

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