Segata Sanshiro is a martial artist of colossal power, hired by SEGA in 1993 to run around Japan and force everyone to play SEGA shames. The ploy didn't work, as Shigeru Miyamoto had brainwashed the entire country with his Marios and his Zeldas. After working for SEGA, Segata went on to do great things, from stopping a giant missile to fighting Chuck Norris himself (although he was technically fighting a clone of Chuck Norris, but still). Since he fought a clone of Chuck Norris, Segata is thought to be dead, though this is unconfirmed.

Segata Sanshiro
Segata sanshiro

Segata Sanshiro, with his mother console on his back.

Gender: Male
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Scary
Species: Human
Home: Japan (formerly), 2nd Dimension (currently)
Death: Fighting C4
Likes: SEGA, fighting
Dislikes: Irrelevance
Education: Life-long studies of martial arts
Occupation: Martial Artist
Known For: Being the scourge of Japan, saving the world from a missile, fighting Sonic, holding his own against a clone of Chuck Norris
UnRank: 90,021,995


Segata Sanshiro was (somehow) born from a SEGA Shaming System 2. We don't know how that works, and it's really best not to think about the implications of this, but there's the truth. Segata always carried his mother console on his back, and it taught him how to fend for himself in the rural lands of Japan. It is here that he learned martial arts by attacking local samurai and, every now and then, a couple ninjas. Segata's signature cry was "Sega Satan, shiro!", which roughly translates to "Play SEGA or you're Satan!". This cry was taught to him by his mother, and he never questioned its meaning.

Working for SEGA

Segata eventually found SEGA's Japanese headquarters, where he was hired as head promoter, security guard, and general badass. He punched and kicked his way across Japan, forcing everyone in his way to play the SEGA Shaming System 2. Eventually, Nintendo had enough of his shenanigans and sent a giant missile towards SEGA Headquarters, which Segata was tasked with stopping.

First Presumed Death

Segata Sanshiro ran up the side of the SEGA Headquarters building to catch the missile before it hit the roof. As it collided with Segata's hands, he managed to push it upward, flying it into space. Unfortunately, this is where he perished...or so it seemed.

Fighting Sonic

As it turned out, the missile flew into another dimension,
Segata sanshiro sonic and all stars

Segata Sanshiro (center, above the car) rides a missile through an alternate dimension.

where Sonic and his friends were having a race. Segata's missile blew up the track, so Sonic and the gang was left with nothing to do. Fortunately, Sonic decided to turn the race into a fighting tournament, which Segata was happy to participate in. Sonic and Segata fought each other at the peak of their ability, although Sonic didn't use the Chaos Emeralds to transform into any of his forms. By some inexplicable turn of events, Sonic won, and Segata felt "no shame in this". It's likely that Segata was still weak from riding a missile through space and blowing it up against a race track. Regardless, Segata left with honor and arrived in the 2nd Dimension, where he was hired by a weird organization called the YouTube Illuminati to fight Chuck Norris himself. Of course, the two-bit hacks that hired Segata also hired a fake Chuck Norris. It was actually his explosive clone, C4, who was hiding in the 2nd Dimension at the time. Thus began Segata Sanshiro's last stand.
Segata sanshiro vs sonic

Segata Sanshiro loses to Sonic (somehow).

Second Presumed Death

Segata and C4 fought nobly, but in the end, C4 appeared to self-destruct inside a black hole, taking Segata with him. The two of them faded into the stars, apparently having some possibility of still being alive. Today, both Segata and C4 are presumed missing.
Chuck Norris VS Segata Sanshiro DEATH BATTLE!

Chuck Norris VS Segata Sanshiro DEATH BATTLE!

Fighting The Real Chuck Norris

However, Segata was later found unharmed after the tsunami and nuclear disaster in 2012. In 2019, he (along with Weegee and Mr. T) fought the real Chuck Norris, along with Unicron and Asplode Tinky Winky, in an epic battle. It ended in a tie.

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