SCUD Launchas are vehicles that hold the Specialized Concretizing Ultra Death missile, a bomb with so much payload that it could destroy MY MOM!
The trucks themselves were made by the Cold Soviet Industries, a company that makes smaller versions of car-type weapons from Soviet Russia. SCUD Launchas are a smaller version of the Tophamgrad, a cousin of Diesel 10. The absolutely massive thing about them being so small is that they can be produced so much. The Soviet Union has about a million of these and the Squadala Empire has 765 thousand. The Wall have a lot of these.
This is a personal vehicle for a bunch of people because how well the accommodations and amenities serve YOU, the driver. Comfort and air conditioning are some of the ways that the Soviets show that they care about the People.
The Names[]
Before the history of these things, knowing what the name means is an important part of a complete Complete COMPLETE breakfast.
The acronym spells out the word "scud". To scud is to horridly scrape flesh across concrete, causing so much blood that the body part where it got scudded turns dark red permanently. Also, it means go fast like a fighter jet which the missile is really good at doing.
The SCUD is called the Specialized Concretizing Ultra Death because it is specially built so that it causes people to get scudded so much that they die an ultra-death, a death so painful that the victims' screams make whoever is unfortunate enough to be against the users of this object of destruction surrender immediately, or DIE DIE DIE DIE, A MILLION TIMES DIE.
The name of the truck, SCUD Launcha, is because the thing launches SCUDs. Why else would it be called the SCUD Launcha? That's right! The launch rail can be sat in like a lawn chair! But nobody should sit on the rail for long, or else it will... become vertical.
What this SCUD is Made of[]
The SCUD missile was developed to be a concretizing weapon of mass destruction made by the Cold Soviet Industries, commissioned by Stalin. The thing was to bring real fear into the hearts of the Union's enemies.
To make the concretizing formula, it needed to be able to asplode but a little differently. Soviet scientists figured out that the bombshell needed to be 8,420 kilograms and it needed to contain 4,000 kg of calcium, 1,200 kg of Tubby Custard, and 2,000 kg of bomb dust, all encased in a long lozenge-shaped case of stalinium metal, all submerged in concrete.
Making The First Missile[]
Making the first SCUD missile was really difficult because they had to make new technology for this thing and about 30 people would die because collecting all of the ingredients would give some of the collectors ultraEbola, especially getting the Tubby Custard.
Step One[]
They had three options in collecting 4,000 kg of calcium, either they get a bunch of cows, milk them dry, and harvest their bones. The problem with that was that there were no cows in Russia and going across into Europe or N'Murica would cost too much unmoney. They could find a load of Boners, scoop out their marrow, and grind them into calcium. They could also help with the erector rail! The problem with that was the fact that Skellies are endangered and harvesting their bones is illegal with dastardly consequences. They could find a bunch Dry Bones and domesticate them, so they could have an infinite calcium source. The problem was nothing. There were plenty Dry Bones of dead turtles who wandered into the freezing Russia, so they domesticated them.
Step Two[]
Tripping on Acid[]
That was step 2 of building the missile complete, now they needed Tubby Custard, the hazardous asploding solution to some things.
To get 1,200 kg of Tubby Custard, the Cold Soviets needed to into the depths of the Teletubby Land Acid Lake and collect the pink stuff. Knowing that acid means kill, they designed an aquatic suit that could supposedly not melt inside the acid filled death hole. Once they finished the suit, they used an old people to test it out because they aren't exactly benefitting the Union with their presence. The old guy inside the suit thought he was getting calamari to eat, and then they shoved him into the acid lake and the Kraken of the Lake took the guys who shoved the guy into the lake, dissolving them or something like that. That is the reason why they decided to just try to steal the Tubby Custard from the Teletubbies themselves.
The Big Con[]
The plan the Cold Soviet Industries decided on was disguising as Teletubby Land Bunnies so no one would suspect anything.
Some employees and mercenaries who were survivalists dressed up as Teletubby Land Bunnies and sneaked into the Home Dome, hoping that the Teletubbies were out torturing people for no reason. The Home Dome automated security system detected a huge amount of stupidity coming from some of the disguised bunnies and lasered them. The best impostors kept their cool there, but the worst imposters panicked and also experienced the heat death of the UnUniverse a little early. A poster in the place said to "Gather Your Friend's Ashes and Bring Them to the Clinic for Restructuring!!" That's epic, so the best impostors gathered the ashes of the dead ones and took them to the Home Dome Clinic. They put the ashes into the thing that said put the ashes here. Nothing happened, they got trolled and they got warned that the Teletubbies are on their way.
They sneak all the way to the room where the Tubby Custard Machine is, losing some guys along the way, of course. They turn on the Custard Machine and collect all the Custard with a giant vacuum. But then, the Teletubbies appear and start killing all of them. One of them escaped not because he was an expert super fighter, but because he had a deal with the Teletubbies. He was Stalin, and his deal with the Teletubbies was for the purpose of letting them purge some guys who Stalin knew were enemies of the State. What did they do? Those guys were secret allies of Hitler's Clone, UnUnited Kingdom, and UnUSA sent to collect information about the SCUD Launcha. How'd Stalin know this? He has a special sense for things like this, which is also why so many Communist Party officials got purged, he can just sense the betrayal in someone's right forearm, for the betrayal nerves live there.
So, Stalin got the Tubbulous Custardion and the hard parts were now over. All was left was collecting 2,000 kg of bomb dust.
Step Three (this won't be long)[]
To collect the bomb dust, the Cold Soviets had to go to the UnAmerica-Mexico border. They bought all of that stuff from the guy who fell on his side and Pablo Pablo Escobar Man, the dust machine that could generate the bomb dust, for a price.
This dust would allow the missile to asplode asplode asplode asplode.
First Testing[]
The first test was a success, and that is all anyone ever needs to know a lot about that. But, of course, it was a terrible attack on the civilians of the Squadala Empire! No one would remember this because the victims lived in a place where no one else lived within a 1,000-mile diameter. But the Cat in The Hat remembers, and he is yet to take vengeance for those people, as his excuse to destroy Communism once and for all.
Squadala civilians get aspolode-asplode-asplode-asploded, 1969 colorized.
The aftermath of the attack left the testers entirely speechless for the rest of their lives; there was so much blood! Stalin wasn't affected by it; he has feelings of steel, for he is the Steel Man. But this time...
I am become Blood God, for a world for bloodshed.
—Joseph Stalin, reacting to the carnage, imitating Oppenheimer.
Nobody knew what he meant by that because the Blood God is only known by guys who go into that niche.
Designing the Truck[]
The truck was to be able to launch the SCUD at a target even if the truck wasn't facing it, so it had to be a vertical launch system. It also wasn't supposed to get stuck because of a bridge in the way, so it needed to be able to take the missile rail down. They made the truck have a split cabin so the thing could be even shorter. These were all revolutionary design choices as no one else ever thought about making a missile truck with split down the middle.
The truck is made with a 5% stalinium alloy bumper so it had the ability to ram into things and still blow stuff up even when it didn't have the SCUD.
Practical Uses[]
This is one of the most practical civilian trucks ever created. It has plenty of space, plenty of power, and gives users the ability to defend themselves, not against the apocalypse but against their neighbors and idiots on the road.
This thing could carry all the groceries anyone could ever need! The amount of butter this truck can fit on it can give a whole neighborhood diabetes!
This is a very good tool for use in home defense. If someone is invading your house, you have four or more options that involve the SCUD missile.
Collecting the blood of people has never been easier! Just aim the missile at a mall and watch all the blood fall into your hands, hair, and head! You don't even need to worry about the UnPolice, because they have already shot you dead at that point!
Users[]
- Soviet Russia - the SCUD Launcha has a lot of practical uses
- Squadala Empire - made a deal with Soviet Russia
- The Wall - mass concretizing has been made super fast
- Teletubbies - another thing to add to the arsenal
- Elmo Gang - need to kill their enemies
- POOP - really useful for killing dictators
- UnAmerica - first resort option and for civilian defense
- Abraham Lincoln - he needed to fly across the UnWorld very epically
Wars[]
All of them after 1969. Like, 42 of them?