Prime

The Forbidden Fruit Drink

Prime (not to be confused with Optimus Prime or his pepsified clone) is a drink "made" by some guy with an alien hat that looks like a knockoff water. It is the go-to drink of dem youngins, who allegedly gave water a sincere fuck you and drank prime like their life depended on it - though this is likely to be yet another embellished tale. It's so popular that you can find it on the shelves when Your Mom goes grocery shopping. In fact, entire economies buckled under the pressure of O Great Lean Demon. Logan Paul was not expecting his Gatorade clone to do so well so he got rich very fast. When various countries realized that some guy was, in fact, selling liquid positronium fuel stolen from nuclear reactors, and that their secret agents were not making this up for a quick laugh, they banned the drink in various countries because antimatter is generally unsafe to drink and also because of reports of, quote, "a super spooky ooze liquid that makes people turn into rabid dogs". Further experimentation is planned by the UnTeam to see what happens if rabid dogs drink it.

Logan Paul says it has these things called "electrolytes", which is probably true because everyone who drinks it shoots lightning from their fingers before having a massive heart attack from the drink's unholy energy, of which only a select few sith lords, Electric-type Pokémon and the Undefeatables have been able to master. His secret YouTube Illuminati agents then go out to collect the bodies of those Prime deems unworthy so he can use them in his videos.

Prime is marketed as a “healthy gamer supp for big strong men” because Mountain Dew was too unhealthy, but in actuality it contains highly concentrated cane sugar to neutralize gymbros to completely eradicate gyms. This, however, did not work because people don’t immediately drink the entire bottle in one gulp (unless you’re a n00b), and also because Super Strong Giant Person paid for the gyms out of pocket. Data courtesy of Monster Energy©️ has even shown that all bottles of Prime contain a super-shrunk version of the Wa-Machine 2.0.

Oh, and if that wasn’t bad enough, secret uncovered plans uncovered by Monster Energy©️ courtesy of Monster Energy©️ have shown that Prime has secret plans to roll out a wa-version of itself called Composite.

Flavors

• Grape: Tastes like medicine. Maybe that's because grape Kool-Aid tastes like medicine...or does medicine taste like grape kool-aid?
• Orange: Is orange. Makes the biggest explosions due to orange oil or something.
• Lemon Lime: Apparently tastes like every citrus fruit at once, according to victims test subjects.
• Blue Raspberry: Do not trust this. Raspberries do not come in blue. You are living in a simulation. Wake up.
• Tropical Punch: It's a tropical punch to the face. Once faced a recall due to being spiked.
• Ice Pop: The sweetest drink of all time without debate. Even Monster Energy©️ agrees that this is legally undrinkable.
• Meta Moon: Has nothing to do with the moon or Meta Knight.
• KSI: Only the UnBrits got this one. Tastes metallic.
• Strawberry Watermelon: Apparently, Strange's favourite flavour (it's the only one he didn't give a scathing remark). God had no hand in the creation of this substance.
• Lemonade: Lemons are sour, Prime Lemonade is sour. I'm sour. Someone cheer me up. They had a rare bottle with both guys looking into your soul.
• Glowberry: Glows in the dark and summons KSI. Tastes like glowberries, according to Steve. Tastes like sour apples according to everyone else.

Energy flavors

• Blue Raspberry: Didn't we already go over this? We’ll skip over most other flavors.
• Lemon Lime: Tastes like every citrus fruit, including ones that don't exist.
• Orange Mango: Like lethargy orange, but makes even bigger explosions because of the energy. The leading theory as to why there's mango is because McMeer peed in the storage tank.
• Ice Pop: Straight sugar in a can. Will ice you, then make you pop.
• Original: Tastes like the entire UnUniverse. Lethal cognitohazard; do not consume.
• Optimum: OPTIMUS PRIME. OPTIMUS PRIME. OPTIMUS PRIME.
• Glowberry:
• Cherry Freeze:

Trivia

• Prime is so energy-dense that if allowed to crystallize it is treated with the same apprehension as many azide explosives.
• It is believed that the power plants that power Stupid City run off of Prime for its extreme energy density.
• Prime likes to target the kids with their ads, the FDA hates this and is currently investigating the drink.
• Skeletron Prime drinks Prime.