Pretty Cure? Did they test it on themselves?
What the fuck is a pretty cure?! Are they ripping me off?!
POWERFULL BITCH, Wario Can See This
Pretty Cure are a group of Magical Girls who have risen to prominence in recent years. They aren't just any normal rip-off of Sailor Moon though, they are straight up, the most ambitious and largest of these groups, with a whopping 80 members and counting! Why there are so many guys in this group is unknown, but goddamn you know for a fact that the only way to defeat them is to use the power of the entire Sailor Guardians (Eternal Sailor Moon included), give them each Dinner Blasters, and a Spoon to top it off. They are incredibly powerful because of this, though they aren't a sub-group of the Undefeatables as they can't even open a door.
It's PUSH, not PULL, dumbasses...
They are best known for their involvement with Max Heart, which set off the Japanese magical girl rights movement and ultimately led to the March 2006 ban on sex-based combat. Though, that didn't stop Kill la Kill from existing, didn't it? Oh, and if you couldn't tell already, these guys are evil and are enemies with Sailor Moon and the Crystal Alliance.
History[]
Honoka and Nagisa (Cures Black and White) were originally drafted into the magical girl program on February 1, 2004. Due to an unforseen error in the power assignment department, their transformations were accidentally linked, giving them the ridiculously easily exploitable weakness that they had to be together to do anything at all; this had the unexpected side effect of making them so powerful it's not even funny. The first series in the franchise, in the first episode, a gorilla came out of nowhere and beat the shit out of the monster while saying "screw you!!!!!!". Over time, this became a larger and larger franchise, where more groups of Pretty Cures popped up and have the exact same problems (and powers) than the originals. None of these shows are as good as Sailor Moon.
In 4004, all of the Pretty Cures face Cancer The Crab in an epic final showdown. Cancer, having no cure, easily makes them all DIE.
Abilities[]
Oh no
Pretty Cure have a multitude of special abilities which they use to save the world. The source of their power is the bows on their chests. They have to have the bow. YOU CAN'T FIGHT EVIL WITHOUT YOUR BOW. For safekeeping, when they are not transformed, they give the bows to Muppet and Mapquest, a pair of talking cellphones who have the ability to disguise themselves as Cute Little Mascot Critters who they gotta help since their Magical Fantasy Land thingy is being terrorized some some evil bad meanie-head they gotta kill.
Some of Pretty Cure's abilities include:
- Marble Screw: A move where they do some sort of "dance" and blast a giant LAZ0R. If your in their firing range of this move, Your Screwed. Even the most Gay of Bowsers are vulnerable to this attack, due to a strange quirk of physics that makes this particular pairing inexplicably far hotter than it has any right to be.
- Rainbow Therapy: Nagisa, being heterosexual, devised this technique when she realized she and Honoka would be using the Marble Screw frequently, to protect her mental stability.
- Crush Honoka's Hand Into A Bloody Mess: Frequently used by Nagisa during a Marble Screw. Honoka has yet to get the message, as she's screaming in agony due to the fact that her hand turns into a pile of ketchup.
- Rainbow Storm: Porun gets really mad and shoots out a beam of light, which everyone completely ignores. (For your continued mental health, Porun will not be explained in this article.)
- Get Right Back Up: Perhaps Pretty Cure's most useful ability. This enables them to survive literally anything without suffering any lasting harm. They can get hit so hard that they crash through three and a half large office buildings before they stop moving and not even have a few small cuts, much less broken bones, head trauma, or spine injuries. Frequently causes Nagisa to get really pissed as a side effect. Fortunately, this move does NOT work if you get hit by an Undefeatable, or crash through FOUR and a half buildings instead (but only Super Strong Giant Person can punch that hard).
- Marble Screw Max: When Nagisa and Honoka met Max Heart (see above section), they gained this ability. They used it frequently and recklessly, with the unexpected (but, in hindsight, predictable) result described above. It's more messy too...
- Extreme Luminario: Nobody is sure what this attack does, but it sure is EXTREME!!!
Pretty Cure Splash Star inherited the Get Right Back Up ability from their mothers, and also have the Twin Stream Splash, in which Mai and Saki summon large quantities of water and urine respectively to wash away enemies so they can be dealt with later.
List of Members[]
The amount of members in this group are so large that at the time we wrote this article, we are likely off by 12. So, instead of updating this page frequently (And I mean VERY frequently), we will just list the highlights:
- Cure Black: One of the two original members of the Pretty Cures. She's like Sailor Moon but more Tsundere and Tomgirlish.
- Cure White: One of the two original members of the Pretty Cures. She gets used by her partner a lot, and is more gentle and understanding. Hilda doesn't like her for being a double-rip off of her and Sailor Mercury.
- Clawroline: We're not sure why she's here. Is a leopard. Wants to clobba that there Kirby.
- Miraculous Ladybug: Why is she here as well? Well, either way, she is the only one of the group who is french, not japanese.
- Cure Custard: The idiot of the group. She likes eating Custard ( Not Tubby Custard), as the name implies. Her hair is two yellow Poofs of hair, which to say the least, are nowhere near as big as those Junko Enoshima has when her hair is like that. (spoiler alert, that means she changes wigs, which means she is actually bald)
- Cure Sheriff: The "American" of the group, and she is a cowgirl too (How racist)! She is apparently Chuck Norris's wife. Chuck Norris denies this, however. She has the abilities of a Sheriff and really likes right (the direction) stuff.
- Cure Wing: One of the only males of the group. He's only here so that the group isn't deemed sexist like Luna.
- Cure La Mer: A Mermaid. She was sued by Lucia Nanami several times after joining this group.
- Cure Mermaid: A cure who isn't a mermaid at all. This has made a lot of confusion in the group.
- Cure Happy: A girl who's always happy and enjoy good endings. She decided to make a subgroup of Pretty Cure called the Gliter Force.
(Note: Please add more Cures later on)
Some Useless Facts[]
- Chuck Norris Hates them.
- U hate them.
- Many people hate them. That's why you don't see it in UnAmerica.