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Pepperman is a WANTED article!

This means it is among the best UnAnything has to offer! It has been WANTED as of July 2023! Treat it with respect! Go here to see all WANTED articles.

Pepperman is a WANTED article!

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This means it is among the best UnAnything has to offer! It has been WANTED as of July 2023! Treat it with respect! Go here to see all WANTED articles.

I WOULD RATHER BE A SLAVE THAN A TOPPING ON PIZZA!

Pepperman

Run Sneazers!

The Pepperman, showing Peppino WHO'S THE PEPPINIEST OF DEM ALL!!!!

Pepperman is a big fat vegetable classified as living food, and was born to a family of Pepper People, but has since gone through plastic face surgery to make himself TOXIC to turtles as well as more handsome and epic. He is one of Peppino's greatest rivals, like a greatest achievement but for the worthy. He does not mess around; if Pepperman catches you eating a pepper or any of the Pepper People you will instantly get 3-5 servings of a spicy knuckle sandwich, even if you're unbeatable he won't hesitate to enact old testament vegan punishments on you.

History

Childhood

The Pepperman was born as a Pepper Person in Florida to two pepper parents who lived in a big mansion. They decided to name him "Buwug" because his parents couldn't afford to have a little bug eat their finances. Growing up, he wasn't very happy with his body, maybe it was because he was a human with a pepper on his head unlike everyone else in his class. This caused him a lot of stress for many years. So in grade 5 he decided to chop off his own left arm off to uhhh.....we don't know why he did this. But he saw into his flesh and it was Peppery. He then started running. Running from who? Nobody knows, but we think it was a heard of wild Angry Birds during Death Season, the Nazis, or perhaps from his own insecurities. But somehow he stumbled the Sacred Time Knob which de-evolved him into being a weird pepper thing with a face. From this point forth he would be known as Pepperkid.

Teenage Years

During his teenager years, he would constantly be eaten over and over again by school bullies because he drew Sonic OCs. This made him shrink and made his pepper powers very weak, cuz he had to keep respawning and he was losing body mass very fast. He got so weak and small in fact that they never renamed him Pepperteenager, instead opting for Peppertoddler, Pepperbaby, and Pepperfetus. At some point his pepper powers were so low that the god of all peppers Pepsiman decided to turn him into a tiny pepperoni for disgracing all peppers.

Pepperoni Years

As a pepperoni, Pepperembryo would eat back at those caterpillars, flies, and other worthless insects for a living (as well as to survive) but he eventually found one he could smoke weed with. That caterpillar was the Smoking Dig-It. He saw how cool the caterpillar man was with his weed, and so began offering Bulborb Larvae in exchange for joints. For a while he started to become cool again and made it big enough to smoke with Ralsei. Eventually the weed made him get so much higher (so high) that out of nowhere he got promoted to being the left eye of Pizzaface. That was epic for a few years.

Adult Years

Pizzaface got tired of Pepperman and so turned him back into his old self, complete with a redesign and [[BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER]]. Pepperman felt affirmed by this and so... uh... (yeah that's a story for another day). After that had happened Pepperman wanted to taste more, so he went to wherever the hell Pizza was being sold at and he stumbled upon Peppino's Pizzeria, which at the time was experiencing a pepper shortage, and so Peppino enslaved Pepperman, mincing and dicing him for about 50 days until Pepsiman came back to get a Coke from Peppino's Pizzaplex. When he saw what was going on in the kitchen he laughed and told him to cry for his boyfriend to come save him. But the crying made him grow into Pepper Plantman, the ultimate form of Pepperman, who then killed Pepsiman and Peppino, but they both respawned and killed him back. But he didn't come back to life because he then got to go to Heaven for smoking weed just like the Lᴏʀᴅ intended.

Pepper Superman in heaven would go back down to Earth because they're homophobic in heaven. He cried back to his boyfriend Pizzaface about what evils happened in Peppino-gate. Pizzaface then gave Pepperman a job as a Professional Peppino Killer, because he also hated Peppino for trying to eat him alive as well. In one of fake pizza towers Pizzaface set up he stationed Pepperman as the final boss of the game, the one to win because Peppino can't possibly have a power level high enough to be OVER 9000, which is what the power level of Pepperman was. However, Peppino showed everyone that day he had a power level of OVER OVER 9000, which was about 10x greater than the amount of sexual assault charges Bill Cosby had in 2015 alone. He was outpepped by the Ino. Pepperman was mugged by him and he was horribly injured that day; he got PWNED so hard and so badly he was unable to show his Pizzaface to Pizzaface EVER again. He resigned as a mutant and decided to go back to being a Pepper Person, rejoining his family and potentially meeting a woman to have pepperkids with. Though some say before he went square, he went on a personal journey to hunt out Texas Red in the American west.

Part of a series on Pizza Culture[ / ]
Food [ / ]
Pizza Toppings [ / ]
Pizza Restaurants [ / ]
Domino's - Pizza Hut - Little Caesars - Mario's Pizza - Freddy Fazbear's Pizza - Captain 0's Pizza - Peppino Pizza - Mark's Pizzeria - PizzeRizzo - Papa's Pizzeria - Robbie Rotten's Pizza
Other Pizza Places [ / ]
Pizza Breakers [ / ]
Noids (The Noid - Mikoid - Mr. Green - Fast - Cappy - Noise - Pizzano - Steve
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