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Paul Bunyan-2
Paulbunyan

The Giant of giants, only rivaled by some undefeatables.

"TIMBER!"-a common quote Paul Bunyan says.

Intro

Paul Bunyan is just some giant dude who lived way back in the 1800s in the Unworld, and there stories of him in the Real World. He helped to log off much of North America, particularly the United States, and had a giant blue ox he called Babe.

This video below covers a lot as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4ZdQnkE3Xg

Life and influence on UnWorld

He was an unusual sized baby, and weighed 80 pounds within a year of life. His parents were surprisingly normal sized people, and they tried to raise Paul as best as they could. Well, they had to leave Maine because Pennywise was being a jerk and that Paul accidentally hiccuped in his sleep so badly that the Atlantic Ocean was churning madly and sank many ships.

When he was grown, he was 4 miles high, and at least 7000 tons in weight (nobody cared to weigh him though, but it's a good estimate). It was hard for him to wear clothes, of course, which needed to be imported from another realm and his prized ax handle was made from a redwood tree-though some say a gigantic oak. He had a logging crew with a bunch of eccentric people, some gigantic, others regular sized, and all with a huge appetite. Women worked in there, but usually it was men. There was this one job where he went for a swim and saw Patrick Star, but decided to only softly tell Patchy the Pirate about him, because everyone else would think he was nutty.

Back in the early days of his career, in the Big Onion River company, there was a river full of garlic for no reason. He took moss, plugged it up, sent the garlic to French and Italian restaurants and the moss to Spain, hence the origin of Spanish moss. Evolution took over and it became grey. About the same time, they needed a way to feed the humans, except for Paul who didn't need food from Earth, so in Moline, Illionis a big griddle was bought. People put ham-fat and bacon on their shoes and greased the griddle so it would cook flapjacks.

Then he got caught in a timestream in the sky by accident and was sent to Siberia, prehistoric times. There was a massive blizzard, so powerful, even he was picked up and blown around. After flying high in the sky, he crashed and fell asleep in what is now Hudson Bay. All the water came in so he woke up. Not knowing how to get back, he asked Chuck to roundhouse kick him forward in time, and got back to 1860. For millennia afterwards the Neanderthalers would have stories about a mysterious giant, a god they said, that appeared and vanished with a storm.

One day in 1877 he and his logging crew had to go down to the Border in order to meet some Redwoods. Along the way he met Thimper, and drug his ax that was so huge, it's blade itself reflected the sun's rays and made it unbearable for the regulars, and it scorched the land so badly that even archaeologists, when looking back, see the land as desert all the way back to the Ice Age. That's why he put it in the ground and made the Grand Canyon.

Shortly beforehand, he got a message from the King of Sweden to clear the Dakotas. The largest logging camp ever made was erected, with just the chow-wagon taking half a day to get to one end of the table of the mess hall. After the land was cleared and the trees shipped, a corn kernal was planted. It shot so high and grew so quick, that the great lakes were drained and it touched outerspace. It was killed by tying a railroad rail around it and it took four days to fall. When it fell, it made a woosh of air that caused a tsunami in Japan and tornadoes across the midwest, with mountains being turned into the black hills from being smashed. Did I forget to say that he actually built the Rocky Mountains with ease? Watch the video.

Late in life, he retired to Alaska, where he and his ox Babe still live in the Unworld. The logging crew got new jobs or became traveling workers, aka hobos.

While he heard about Chuck Norris he never decided to attack him, as it would cause the universe to tear apart. He was undefeated by the Teletubbies as they retreated from his cabin, and even the Boohbah are nothing to him, nor are Hitler clones. He doesn't ride on Thomas the Train as he's too big, but can reality warp with his axe, though rarely and under special circumstance.

Trivia

  1. While Paul is not as powerful as Jesus, Chuck, Superman, Grand Dad, or Mr T, and he did not live before humanity, he technically is almost as powerful. Really, he is an anomaly. His major drawback is that he need human things, like air and water. However, for him, his needs (waste removal, food, clothes, and water use) are met by another realm that was opened up in his time. He can also die like a regular human, but on a much bigger scale.
  2. He is immune to WeeGee's stare, but only because he's too tall to notice or care. Plus if he did stare back, the size of his eyes alone would cause Weegee's reflection to backfire and cause a Weegee clone, and the process would go on forever. Similarly, he has REMARKABLE eyesight and hearing, despite his size.
  3. His pet ox, Babe, is blue from the winter of the blue snow, and made many lakes with his hoofprints in Minnesota. He was so massive, that he was around 1-2 miles long, with 1800 feet between the tips of the horns, and horseshoes were heavy enough to cause the blacksmith Ole to sink 6 feet in rock!
  4. He is so strong, that he can literally smash mountains apart with his fist, and lift islands from the ocean floor. He also threw a stone hard biscuit that Sourdough Sam made at a bobcat, missed, and it is still flying even as of 2018. It even caused ozone to form around the food. Any mechanical weapon can be torn apart by his bare hands, except for Thomas the Tank Engine, and most bombs and lasers are like scratches or small burns. Nuclear blasts, they are something else, but Paul can escape via asking the door of the the other realm to appear and open. He is so tall, when he walks he causes small earthquakes, which is why he walks lightly unless he's in the middle of the wilderness. He can also see across a state with no trouble, and his laughter is like thunder. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=182&v=21wKryhrf2k this is an example of when he gets upset, but nowhere near the amount of damage caused by a shout.
  5. He had a shotgun in order to shoot some large moose, and the bullet went so far, it shot his backside, as it went around the world! It also caused a rip in the sky, which allowed sunlight to come through again after the world went dark. Everyone was using firelight or candlelight, except for a few select who used special powers to see.
  6. DO NOT GET HIM TRIGGERED. It's rare, but causing that to happen can cause wild fires with his voice from all the foul language, and a shout will cause a sonic boom that'll flatten anything and almost anyone for tens of miles around.
  7. He is one of the, if not the tallest characters in all of this wiki, besides God, but usually prefers to stay out of conflict other than what is related to his business. And it seemed, that very few decided to mess with Paul, even the very evil ones, for good reason. Even the devil, who knew that Paul had sin because he was human, was most likely thankful for God allowing grace and good manners to come to Paul, or so they say, as otherwise sin would take over him and the world would be destroyed too soon. One of the few characters to mess with Paul, was Pecos Bill, but Pecos was standoff-ish like Paul and almost beat Paul as well. Rather, it ended in a stalemate, as too much geography was being destroyed and neither could defeat each other.
  8. Some said he could wiggle his toes and cause hurricanes. This is not true. He did have a good heart however, so if he could, he wouldn't.
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