We all knows what 3 bells meenz?!
—Patchy the Pirate
FREE ICE CREAM!
—Random Child's Voice
NO!!! YOU STUPID PIECES OF- Oops! I mean, silly libbers
—Patchy the Pirate
Patchy the Pirate, waiting to cut you off
Patchy the Pirate is a pirate that loves unbaked cookie dough. He is also a priest in the high Church of SpongeBob SquarePants. Nobody really goes to this Church except for Patchy and his parrot, Potty. Patchy is also a huge SpongeBob fanboy, while Potty just watches it for the money. patchy is also the guy who runs the Pirate Bay.
He was impersonated by another loser named Robbie Rotten.
History[]
Patchy the Pirate lives in Encino, California. He lived there ever since college, with his roommates, The King, Morshu, and Dr. Hax. Unfortunately, due to Patchy's extreme unbaked cookie dough addiction, The King soon moved back to Hyrule and Dr. Hax committed suicide. Morshu was the only one who stayed with Patchy, although his relationship with Patchy was dire and he even attempted to hire Weegee to kill patchy a few thousand times.
After OVER 9000 years of suffering in college, Patchy was finally able to squeeze in some spare change to buy his own house, and some SpongeBob products. However, since he wasted so much money on his extreme SpongeBob addiction, he was not able to afford a real car, and instead, bought a wooden boat, which travels at maximum speeds of 2 miles per day. Patchy somehow believes that this is doing Spongebob really good.
The End of Patchy[]
Patchy experienced the end a few times. However, there's only two times that anybody can really remember. Well, here they are.
One time Patchy was stuck in traffic and while listening to some music on his dash-in hi-fi, he destroyed his ultra-rare-back-on-track. After losing a lot of his Power Level due to his boredom, he arrived home, only to discover that the apocalypse had occurred while he was stuck in traffic.
Another time, Patchy was playing in the play ground when he spotted some old guy with a rare SpongeBob video tape. He quickly beat up the old guy and stole the SpongeBob video tape. He arrived home all excited and shoved the video tape down his VCR. He then got some popcorn, soda, pickle garlic and was ready to watch, when his head almost exploded due to the awesomeness of the video's introduction. The episode showed Spongebob on the toilet until Gary saw his Pi**** and Spongebob killed himself. Patchy got cursed and died.