Not to be confused with Olive
Oliver Cromwell: the notorious English leader who banned everything fun and funny. He was a man who believed that joy and laughter were sinful, and that the only path to righteousness was through strict piety and devotion. But let's be real, this guy was a total buzzkill. From banning dancing to outlawing beer, Cromwell's rule was characterized by a lack of joy and a whole lot of oppression. In this article, we're going to take a closer look at the life of Oliver Cromwell, and roast him for his ridiculous beliefs and actions. So, grab a beer (if you're allowed to) and get ready to laugh (if you're allowed to).
History[]
Oliver Cromwell was born into a wealthy family in Huntingdonshire, England. As a young man, he was known for his love of music, dancing, and theater. He was a fun-loving and carefree young man, who enjoyed making people laugh and bringing joy to those around him.
However, when he was in his early twenties, Cromwell had a religious awakening. He became convinced that God was calling him to a life of piety and devotion, and he renounced his former ways. He became a strict Puritan, and he began to see all forms of entertainment and pleasure as sinful.
Cromwell became increasingly involved in politics, and he rose to prominence as a leader in the English Civil War. He believed that God was on his side, and he fought fiercely to defend his beliefs and his country.
After the war ended, Cromwell was appointed Lord Protector of England, a position he held until his death. He began to impose his strict beliefs on the people of England, banning everything from dancing to drinking to theater.
Over time, Cromwell's rule became increasingly unpopular, and the people of England began to chafe under his strict laws. However, Cromwell was convinced that he was doing God's work, and he refused to back down.
As he began to expand his influence beyond England, Cromwell's strict laws became even more oppressive. He banned fun and funny in random nations, believing that he was bringing them closer to God.
However, as the people of these countries began to rebel against him, Cromwell began to realize that his strict beliefs were not sustainable. He began to question his own actions, and he wondered if perhaps he had been too harsh in his rule.
One day, Cromwell decided that he wanted to expand his influence beyond England. He began to conquer random countries, one by one, and impose his strict rules on their citizens.
In France, he banned wine and cheese, declaring them to be decadent and sinful. In Italy, he outlawed pasta and pizza, claiming that they were too indulgent. In Germany, he banned beer and sausages, arguing that they were unhealthy and ungodly.
As Cromwell continued to conquer and ban, the people of these countries began to grow increasingly unhappy. They missed their favorite foods and drinks, and they longed for the freedom to enjoy themselves.
Finally, the people of these countries had enough. In the end, Cromwell was overthrown and banned from ever returning to the countries he had conquered. He died a broken man, realizing too late that perhaps there was room for joy and laughter in a life of piety and devotion. Cromwell was left to ponder his mistakes, realizing that perhaps banning everything fun or funny wasn't the best way to lead a country. From then on, he decided to embrace joy and laughter, and he spent the rest of his days as a jolly old man, telling jokes and making people smile.
Irish Attrocities[]
Oliver hated Ireland. He had a plan to go there with all six Infinity Stones and wipe out half the population. He first got hold of the Reality Stone in a pub with Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Rosalina and Pauline, where he broke a bottle, and out came the stone, which he grabbed and used against everyone, turning their bottles into foam, allowing him to get by, but they still nearly killed him, so he inflated them so they do them no harm. They then popped leaving only their face. He then met Viktor Jazz, who he arrested for playing music.
He then turned the pub into a staircase that led him to the Soul Stone, where he had to sacrifice someone he loved, but he changed realities, and got the stone, and sent his soul to the afterlife, where he repossessed himself in Paris to break a wall to get the Mind Stone, which he used to mind control someone to tell him where the Time Stone is, and it was in them. He then time traveled 100 years to get the last sign of the Space Stone. He then used Space and Time to go to Australia and get the Power Stone. He then went to Ireland, and snapped half of the Irish population out of existence. He then sent the stones to the 9th Dimension.
Trivia[]
- He has Kronos inside of him.
- There is also a locomotive named after him.
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