The Old Ones have the power to make children magically disappear. They have caused 171,893,798.685,349,677,688,699,509 child disappearances. Don't be too curious and ask us what type of magic they use. If you do, we will kill a kitten. Slowly and painfully.
The names of the Old Ones were unknown for centuries. Centuries and centuries. But our master detectives have revealed that they are named Tinky, Dip, Laa, and PoPo. The Teletubbies' names are derivatives of the Old Ones' names. This is because Mother Teletubby is dumb.
Nobody knows how the Old Ones were spawned. Legend has it that they were formed deep in the Teletubby Land Acid Lake before Teletubby Land was even founded, and migrated out of the lake one winter when it froze over. That's when they founded Teletubby Land. Although, this theory cannot be proven, as winters have to be especially cold to get the lake to freeze over.
They made several films, but some were lost due to being, well, old, the Teletubbies have since made it their incentive to find all of them so that they can use them to hypnotize adults and old farts. This project is called, "Project Old."
Fully Surviving Films
- PoPo's Hurt
- Concentration Camp Tour (Found when the Teletubbies were messing around with the control panels in the tower, they ended up typing a secret code that revealed this.)
- Eating Babies
- An Invention (found in Tubby Tower and saved by Po right before the Teletubby Land Massacre which destroyed the tower)
- Goose Hunt
- Laa's Ball (audio located via OldOnesEpisodes.txt)
- Tinky's Adventure (reconstructed using damaged VHS. 10 seconds missing from the middle. Fortunately, it’s just Tinky drinking Tubby Custard)
- Temple Raid (found on The Magic Windmill base)
- Pyrotechnics (found inside a tuft of grass)
- Meet Thump! (found in the Teletubby Land Acid Tunnels, making it one of the latest ones to be discovered)
- Hydrogen Bomb Test (Found in the Tubby Ship with a note saying "beware the negative ones")
Partially Lost Films
- Tinky's Arrest (found but the original closed captioning was lost)
- The Airplane (5 minutes of it is stored in Alt 2.0's data, she says she's downloading it)
- Survival (last 10 seconds lost due to the quality of the VHS tape it is on)
- Guns (Only an image was found, featuring PoPo shooting Tinky)
- Dip's Game (no closed captioning)
- Swearing (the audio mutes sometimes at random, each run being different: the Teletubbies have worked to reconstruct the whole episode
- This Is What Hell Looks Like (2 hours cut from 10-hour runtime)
- Catted (original audio lost)
- Sacrifice For The Dark Lord Bob Saget (No audio, yet)
- How to Rob a Bank with Buck Teeth and a Leather Jacket (was originally mainly found, but how many frames have been wrecked by children drawing on the tape)
- Seaside Destruction (a scene where the Old One's place mines in the water suddenly glitch out and skip to a scene where Dip is in a warship)
- The Trash Compacter (VHS has only three seconds of the episode, and it was just the title screen)
Not found but confirmed
- Ugly Monkeys (confirmed to be in the Teletubby Land Volcano)
- Child Burgers (technically it was found, but it was pretty much lodged into a giant rock, they would've used Bombs, but they feared that they would destroy the tape, too)
- Goose Hunt, Part 2
- Dropped in the Desert
Fully Lost Films
- Laa's Ball Pops
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