The Old Ones.
An Old One.
The Old Ones is the original Teletubbies and founding fathers of the Teletubby Army. They are also the stuff of nightmares. Stephen King and Chuck Norris have encountered them but have survived, and as for the former, it is what inspired him to make his horror novels. The Old Ones aren't your average Teletubbies. They have nightmarish abilities that can not be truly described.
The Old Ones have the power to make children magically disappear. They have caused 171,893,798.685,349,677,688,699,509 child disappearances. Don't be too curious and ask us what type of magic they use. If you do, we will kill a kitten. Slowly and painfully.
The names of the Old Ones were unknown for centuries. Centuries and centuries. But our master detectives have revealed that they are named Tinky, Dip, Laa, and PoPo. The Teletubbies' names are derivatives of the Old Ones' names. This is because Mother Teletubby is dumb.
History[]
Nobody knows how the Old Ones were spawned. Legend has it that they were formed deep in the Teletubby Land Acid Lake before Teletubby Land was even founded, and migrated out of the lake one winter when it froze over. That's when they founded Teletubby Land. Although, this theory cannot be proven, as winters have to be especially cold to get the lake to freeze over.
Films[]
The series' title card
They made several films, but some were lost due to being, well, old, the Teletubbies have since made it their incentive to find all of them so that they can use them to hypnotize adults and old farts. This project is called, "Project Old."
Fully Surviving Films[]
- PoPo's Hurt (Found in a school nurse's office somewhere within a municipal town in Ohio (hah hah very funny). When asked about it by SGT. Miles, she said "I don't remember [the tape] having any of that content on it".)
- Concentration Camp Tour (Locked in the Tubby Tower behind an arbitrary sequence of control panel inputs, of which Tinky Winky pressed by accident because he's Tinky Winky.)
- Eating Babies
- An Invention (Found in Tubby Tower right before the Teletubby Land Massacre, Po slept with the tape that night, ensuring it survived the bombings because the Teletubbies' beds are made out of whatever.)
- Goose Hunt
- Tubbies
- Laa's Ball (audio located via OldOnesEpisodes.txt.)
- Tinky's Adventure (reconstructed using damaged VHS. 10 seconds missing from the middle. Fortunately, it’s just Tinky drinking Tubby Custard, and absolutely nobody cares to spend their time watching an Old One eat.)
- Temple Raid (found on The Magic Windmill's base.)
- Pyrotechnics (found inside a tuft of grass.)
- Meet Thump! (found in a hidden chamber within the Teletubby Land Acid Tunnels, making it one of the latest ones to be discovered.)
- Hydrogen Bomb Test (Found in the Tubby Zeppelin with a note saying "beware the negative ones".)
- Wa (found in the Tubby Zeppelin as well, in the anti-gravity room.)
Partially Lost Films[]
- Tinky's Arrest (found but the original closed captioning was lost.)
- The Airplane (5 1/2 minutes of it is stored in Alt 2.0's data, she says she's downloading it, but the chances of her finishing that download are next to none because... well, it's Alt 2.0.)
- Survival (last 10 seconds lost due to the quality of the VHS tape it is on.)
- Guns (Converted into a jpeg; recovered into a .mov but original closed captioning was lost.)
- Dip's Game (no closed captioning.)
- Swearing (the audio mutes sometimes at random, each run being different: the Teletubbies have worked to reconstruct the whole episode.)
- This Is What Hell Looks Like (2 hours cut from 10-hour runtime.)
- Catted (original audio lost.)
- Sacrifice For The Dark Lord Bob Saget (No audio, yet.)
- How to Rob a Bank: The Serendipitous Way (was originally mainly found, but how many frames have been wrecked by children drawing on the tape.)
- Seaside Destruction (Only known to exist as a smaller part of a larger, currently private documentary. A scene where the Old Ones fortify the primordial waters of Teletubby Land cuts midway through to a scene where Dip is in a warship.)
- The Trash Compacter (VHS has only three seconds of the episode, and it was just the title screen.)
Not found but confirmed[]
- Ugly Monkeys (Confirmed to be in the Teletubby Land Volcano, but nobody exactly knows where to look first because it's literally an active volcano. For all we know, it's probably melted by now.)
- Child Burgers (Literally embedded in a massive stone in Teletubby Land's Outskirts for all to see. The Teletubbies have considered using pyrotechnic skillz to get it out, but nothing says the tape itself will survive such a stunt. As of now, the rock in question is protected by the Grand Tubby Government to ensure nobody confiscates it.)
Unknown Location[]
- Goose Hunt, Part 2
- Dropped in the Desert
Fully Lost Films[]
- Laa's Ball Pops (N. Trance and Serial Designation V are not to be trusted with media preservation.)
Teletubby Generations
None
(These guys are the first you can't go further back than them!)
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