|Scientific name:||Guffawnius erectus cepa|
|Habitat:||Bodies of water|
|Natural range:||The whole UnUniverse|
|Time alive:||5000 BCE - The end and beyond...|
|Tastes like:||Vermilion Snapper (red), Mahi-mahi (blue), Nori Senbei (green), Shark Fin Soup (purple)|
|Conservation status:||WAY TO PLENTIFUL!|
|Ah! I am m-me! This is the first time.|
|—Something literally every Oho Jee says as soon as it's born, it does not cry.|
The Oho Jees are an onion-shaped, weird as Hell race of I don't even know that waddle around the UnUniverse. They used to be native to tropical areas like Brazil, but now have made settlements anywhere there is water: ponds, lakes, rivers, swamplands, estuaries, in the abyss, and even within drainage pipes, where they clog up the sewage flowing out. The word "Oho Jee" comes from the phrase "Oh, jeez!".
Oho Jees are considered what happens when you promote Whatdaheckaredosethings to a race rather than a puny species. In that it makes a weirder than weird thing that was made on drugs. Every single thing about the Oho Jee is abnormal. From the Carl Weezer hair to it's bird beak, Oho Jees have proven to be more anomalous than the fact that Potatoes possess godly powers in this lost world. Why they even got conceived is entirely up to the biggest brains out there.
How do they tick?
Oho Jees walk around and talk to people with poor english, then they say weird things and recite verses of The Necronomicon to make you ill. They come in different types which flip out over certain things:
- Red ones have spasms when near fire
- Blue ones gain aneurysms after witnessing electricity
- Green ones keel over when they see acid
- Purple ones turn inside-out at the sight of poison
They are known to attack people near them when seeing these things, even biting guys and injecting venom that turns them into Oho Jees. Oho Jee skin has a texture similar to denim, so molted Oho Jee skin is used for some clothing items. Oho Jees also have a taste for souls.
Oho Jees are sapient, but people still kill and eat them. If you don't cook an Oho Jee it releases stomach acids that eat you inside out, so be careful out there.
Remove feet, beak and hair, cook at 45 degrees so that the acid evaporates from it's holes, and finally stuff it with stuffing. Makes for good roast turkey, but only serve it if you are planning a big joke or are a neanderthal.
|The Mario Gang|
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