The man with the hat

Notch is the entity of the universe known as Minecraft. He has never once trimmed his finger nails, so he just used them to rip a portal into Minecraft. After generating this universe, he decided he's just hang out and watch over the land. Occasionally he makes new creations with his entity-powers (called updates), but for the most part the only time he ever makes an appearance is on Twitter.

Notch was first created in Spritopia when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked fate to make Mario awesome. Notch's creation in Spritopia was one of the many unforeseen consequences of such a hard roundhouse kick. Notch spent 2,600 years just hanging out in Spritopia.

As he grew older, his fingernails grew longer, he began to discover his entity-powers. He used these powers to temporarily convert things in Spritopia to three dimensions. After many more years, his fingernails became so long that he was able to rip a portal straight to another dimension. This dimension was known as Minecraft.


As the entity of Minecraft, Notch has some incredible powers. He can basically do anything he wants to the entire universe. He can generate any block, item, or creature. He could create a whole new pocket dimension within the universe, or simply bring the whole thing to the ground. He also has a fancy cape and an apple.


He actully created minecraft so he could hypnotize kids ages 6-9 into thinking that minecraft was the only thing in the world. Here is my conversation with a 8-year-old.

Me: Hey kid, did you know what plants vs zombies is?

Kid: Yeah, its from MINDcraf!

Me: No! Its not minecraft! its a game!

Kid: There's a Plants vs zombies mod for MINDcraf!

Me: Arrgh! NO its not from mindcraft! ITS A NOTHER GAME!

Kid: There are other games that aren't MINDcraf?

Me: Of course!

Kid: I thought everyone thought those games were BORNING and played MINDcraf instead.

Me: (pulls gun out of pocket)

Kid: thats a gun...

Me: yes (points gun at kid)

Kid: Its from MINDcraf!

Me: (Pulls trigger)


  • Due to a recent incident with a Creeper, Notch's fingernails were blown off his hand.
  • Though Notch takes credit for creating Minecraft, he only created the space itself. It was Steve who actually built all the stuff in Minecraft. Notch wouldn't even give Steve supplies, so he had to "borrow" them from Earth.
  • Notch practices Sheogorathism. Nobody knows why.
  • Notch rules Minecraft!!!
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