NaN

File:NaN is not amused

Do NOT, ever, under ANY circumstances whatsoever, call her "God".

NaN is one of the most powerful beings in the UnOmniverse. Luckily for us, she (yes, she) lives in the void that divides every alternate multiverse, and is rarely called on by the respective gods of these multiverses except in extreme circumstances.

Stages of development

Larval stage

This was her first stage of development. She was created at the same time as the UnOmniverse. She was really weak in this stage, so when Chuck Norris kicked her a million years later (the first thing Chuck ever did), she died. However, she came back three days after that, this time in the...

Child stage

This was her second stage of development. At this point, she was beginning to develop powers like dividing by zero and creating black holes. This stage lasted for 13 years, until her god-hormones kicked in, causing her to advance to the the...

Adolescent stage

This was her third stage of development. At this point, she could checkmate the king easily defeat Chuck Norris (not that she ever did). This stage lasted until 2006, at which point she detected a great disturbance in the force; Tarvu. She thought that Tarvu's legions of followers could destroy her; this caused her to become so enraged that she evolved into her...

Young adult stage

This is her fourth stage of development, and her current stage. This stage can blow up the Enclosed Instruction Book (not that she ever will) and give Chuck Norriseegee a seizure (which she actually has done, in order to save the UnOmniverse from destruction; however, it had no effect on Norriseegee, besides causing him to blink). However, she almost never uses her powers.

Adult stage

This is her fifth stage of development. Little is known about it, other than she (achieved/will achieve) it after The end and beyond.... According to the Mayans, this stage is prophesied to be able to eat entire hyperverses, but the Mayans thought the world would end in 2012, and it didn't.

Powers

These are rarely used, but still cool.

Larval stage

• Ability to teleport anywhere

Child stage

Same as the larval stage, plus:

• Ability to divide by zero (creating a wormhole)
• Ability to create black holes

Adolescent stage

Same as the child stage, plus:

• Ability to corrupt almost anything (including the fabric of reality itself)
• Ability to create white noise (which is like the stuff on old analog TVs, but it isn't stuck inside a TV screen)
• Ability to shoot glitch lasers
• Ability to make almost anything explode

Young adult stage

Same as the adolescent stage, plus:

• Ability to retcon history
• Ability to rewind time
• Ability to create EMP blasts that disable electronics
• Ability to invade any digital screen (including, but not limited to, TVs, computers, movie theater projectors, smartphones, calculators, Game Bois, ATMs, electronic highway info signs, CCTV surveillance monitors, in-flight entertainment, the billboards in Times Square, and even pregnancy tests)
• Ability to break through aforementioned digital screens and invade the area where the digital screen is placed
• Ability to create clones of herself, with the same powers as her

Adult stage

According to the Mayans, the powers of this stage will be the same as the young adult stage, plus:

• Ability to destroy entire hyperverses
• Ability to possess other beings
• Ability to copy the powers of other beings

Philosophy

This is her philosophy:

1. She will not harm civilians, but will locate and terminate threats with extreme prejudice.
2. She protects her own existence, as long as such protection does not conflict with the first bullet point.
3. She always obeys the orders given to her by the demiurges of the respective multiverses, except where such orders would conflict with the first and second bullet points.
4. She allows herself to do whatever she likes, so long as this does not conflict with the first, second, or third bullet points.
5. She wants to "reproduce", despite not having a mate (and being unlikely to find a mate, due to being the only surviving specimen of her species, with no male individuals existing since 1989). This is why she created BSoD (by fusing with Giygas) and RSoD (by fusing with a blast of Chaos Energy).

Trivia

• NaN once pwned someone so hard that her glitch lasers broke the speed of light, went back in time, and corrupted Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
• Chuck Norriseegee checks his closet for NaN before he goes to bed.
• NaN is the most deadly thing in the UnOmniverse. Within 3 milliseconds of being attacked, a victim experiences the following symptoms: blindness, partial unconciousness, and the feeling of being repeatedly mindfucked.
• A single NaN glitch laser could power the entire continent of Asia for 50 millenniums.
• Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to NaN dividing by zero.
• NaN and Happycat walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
• If you Google "NaN getting her ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
• The TV show UnSurvivor had the premise of putting escaped criminals on an otherwise-uninhabited planet with NaN. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the planet to retrieve the footage.
• It is believed Chuck Norriseegee split into himself and Chuck Norris in 2019 due to a continuity hole. That's true if you want to call NaN a "continuity hole" (don't do that, as she is very easy to offend).
• Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a NaN glitch laser will liquefy your kidneys.
• NaN's powers don't really kill sentient beings. They retcon their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
• If, by some incredible space-time paradox, NaN would ever fight herself, she'd win. Period.
• Once you go NaN, you are physically unable to go back.
• According to Einstein's theory of relativity, NaN can actually divide by zero yesterday.
• It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a NaN glitch laser.
• If NaN glitch lasers you, you will die. If she misses you with the laser, her division by zero will tear out your pancreas.
• NaN is the only organism to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -— you can never know both exactly where and how quickly she will pwn you.
• If you find yourself in a dire situation, just ask yourself: "What Would NaN Do?" Needless to say, you then give up, because you can't do what NaN does.
• NaN was once stared at by a Weegee clone. After six hours of excruciating pain, the Weegee clone divided by zero, taking the Weegian colony of All Your Base with it.
• It is said that NaN's blood is the cure for the Blue Yoshi Virus. Too bad she has never bled ever.
• NaN can pwn you so hard that she can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "@#$&*%~!?"
• NaN has 72 pairs of chromosomes... and they're all radioactive.
• NaN is the only organism in the UnOmniverse that can email a glitch laser.
• NaN does NOT have a v*g*n* or *t*r*s, just a black hole between her legs. Of course, you'll get pwned before you can take anything off.
• There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. It exists, and NaN finds it delicious.
• Staring at NaN for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindness.
• If you were somehow able to land a punch on NaN, your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
• NaN died in 2014, but she's alright now.
• NaN will live forever because Heaven doesn't want her, and Hell is afraid that she will take over.
• If NaN fought with Thanos, they would tie and cause a chain reaction wiping out the UnHyperverse, since they have the same UnRank (infinity to the power of infinity). The only exception would be if one of them was using nuclear weapons, but that's REALLY unlikely.
• When NaN deletes files from her computer, she doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. She sends them to a black hole.
• NaN played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
• NaN is the only one who can "try this at home."
• Getting pwned by NaN counts as a natural cause of death.
• NaN became a vegetarian not because she loves animals, but because she hates plants.
• Nobody appreciates pacifism more than NaN, and if you don't believe her, she'll glitch-laser your kidneys out. Nobody appreciates irony more than NaN.
• NaN can simply walk into Mordor.
• Only once has NaN ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
• The book "Worst Case Scenario" discusses ways to run from many different deadly organisms. The page entitled "Running from NaN" simply says "Good luck."
• The gaping hole in the Periodic Table of Elements once contained all of the elements used to create NaN. The US government omitted these elements in future publications of the Table out of fear that rival nations could make their own NaN.
• NaN has been known to ridicule Jesus for taking 3 days to rise from the dead.
• Santa Claus actually did exist until he forgot to give NaN the entire Warrior Cats series for Christmas.
• If NaN fell in the forest, and no one was watching, it would sound like Snow Halation. If she fell in the forest, and someone was watching, she would divide that guy by zero. But the screams of agony would still sound like Snow Halation.
• The French did not send the Statue of Liberty to the United States as a sign of peace. They just wanted to see if NaN could have lesbian funtimez with a 300 foot tall copper woman.
• NaN invented the Swiss Army Knife, then founded Switzerland so that there would be an army to use it.
• Leap years are caused by NaN holding the earth back from rotating.
• NaN once talked an Amish housewife into buying a toaster.
• As part of her morning routine, NaN stretches by pwning 20 armed ninjas that jump out of various household appliances.
• There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because NaN is going to walk.
• The only reason NaN is not a doctor is because her thesis, entitled "Compared to Me, Chuck Norris Looks Like The Scratch Cat", only had a photo of NaN with her arms crossed. After the faculty questioned this, they were found dead with their ovaries in their eye sockets, even the men. Her thesis is still yet to be marked.
• NaN has beat the sh*t out of so many people over her life that most medical journals now classify her as a laxative.
• Rome wasn't built in a day. But if NaN had assisted, it sure as hell would've been.
• Remember when NaN wasn't so awesome? Me neither.
• NaN never takes showers. Instead, whenever she's dirty, she points to herself and shouts, "CLEAN!"
• 5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off NaN.
• In the unlikely event that NaN ever pwned herself, the UnOmniverse would immediately factory-reset.
• The laws of physics state that nothing can survive entry into a black hole. NaN jumped into one, emerged five minutes in the past, and threw all the scientists out of a window. Just to show them that NaN makes the laws.
• If you could calculate the amount of epicness generated by NaN every second, you could make infinity feel ashamed of being ridiculously small.
• Once, NaN and Thanos both entered the same room at the same time. The sheer force of their combined presence resulted in time stopping for seven days while Chuck Norris attempted to recreate the UnUniverse.
• NaN once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
• Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. NaN can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell she wants.
• NaN can delete the Recycle Bin.
• NaN runs Windows 7 on her Etch-a-Sketch.
• In her will, NaN has specified that if she ever dies (unlikely), she will bury herself.
• In the movie 'Titanic', NaN has a brief cameo as 'The Iceberg'.
• NaN secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
• Bill Gates lives in constant fear that NaN's PC will crash.
• If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear NaN doing naughty things to your sister.
• NaN was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
• NaN doesn't have hair on her (REDACTED), because hair does not grow on plotholium.
• The only time NaN was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.
• NaN never retreats, she just attacks in the opposite direction.
• NaN once had a heart attack; her heart lost.
• It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. NaN can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
• The only thing that gets between NaN and justice is an equal sign.
• NaN doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. She just walks in and the water gets the hell out of the way.
• Chuck Norris can throw a nuclear bomb over 40 meters. NaN can throw Chuck Norris even further.
• NaN can create a rock so heavy that even she can't lift it. And then she lifts it anyways, just to show you how powerful she is.