- Also see the shiny thing on the morning sky.
"Skulls mean bad medicine!" -Yoshi
Moon, AKA The Moon, and The ugly thing in the night sky, is one of the most evil things that lives in space. It is something that devil worshipers like, and it also allows monsters to come out.
The scientific community believes that a "deep hatred for the Moon" is the single unifying trait of all intelligent life. This is obvious, as the Moon is incredibly ugly and fat and nobody likes it, except for the Moon itself. This is clear and indisputable proof that the Moon is incredibly stupid as well. It is the unbiased opinion of this writer that we would all be better off if we got rid of the Moon entirely.
History[]
This isn't even the most creepy image of the Moon.
When God was creating the UnUniverse, he said "What can I use to scare people with?" Then he created the Moon and said, "That oughta do it." For thousands of years, people were scared of the Moon. People thought it was evil. This was further reinforced by its mention in the Ancient Texts, which recorded the forced exodus of wolves from the Moon to Earth. Slue Foot Sue, Pecos Bill's wife, accidentally went there, but the Moon didn't do anything as she bounced off of it. Of course, no one believed them.
Then, all of the sudden, the Bowser Army arrived around 3,000 years ago and conquered the Moon to show everyone how evil he and his army was and how badass they were for conquering the Moon. That was, until he realized the Moon has no air, and thus retreated back to Earth for purposes of diaphragmatic oxygen fillings to increase the systema respiratorium's effectiveness. But they never came back, so abandoned the moon for a few millennia. People still feared the Moon, even if Bowser had left it there was still a creepy with the giant skull and stuff on it.
That all changed in 1969, when an astronaut from the United States of UnAmerica landed on the Moon and proved it was not scary or made of cheese by eating a piece of it, and left with his skin and bones intact (but not his teeth), thus ending the Moon's reign of terror.
In 1987, the United States of UnAmerica attempted to destroy the Moon. This attempt failed spectacularly, succeeding only in creating a deep cut, through which a steady stream of molten nacho cheese would erupt.
In 2013, Chuck Norris actually destroyed the Moon with a Nokia phone, but people got mad they couldn't surf the web or whatever without a moon, so he put it back together.
Legacy of Princess Serenity[]
A random alien named Princess Serenity landed on the Moon, and claimed it as hers. She decided to bring a few more friends and each one took over the planets of the Solar System (except for Earth). They partially helped in the The Fish War. However, a clan called the Black Moon clan killed most of the aliens there, and then disappeared like that. They also killed Princess Serenity while doing so, so yeah.
Attacking Link[]
The most famous image of the Moon.
Much later, the Moon decided to have its revenge by crushing the only living descendant of the aforementioned astronaut, a little boy named Link. He was visiting the town of Termina when the Moon came crashing down upon it. Link, however, tooted a few notes on his magic ocarina, which caused the Moon to go back into the sky, where it came from.
Laser Eclipse[]
- Main article: Dr. Eggman's Announcement
Even later, the Moon would be partially decimated by a huge piss laser, which was fired by the (prototype) Death Egg. This was done at the will of Dr. Eggman, who wanted to show off its power to make people bow before him in terror. His plan backfired, as the people began to panic and not pay any attention to some bad guy with a silly mustache like him. The laser cannon was later shut down by Super Sonic and Super Shadow, after an angry Godzilla had used Chaos Control to fuse with the cannon itself. Meanwhile, the Moon had repaired itself, showing off its incredible resilience.
Attempt At Destruction[]
Under the orders of God, President Wahooley approved the construction of a colossal chainsaw, with the hopes of using it to cut the Moon in half and sell it as cheese to pay off the US national debt. This chainsaw, constructed with the assistance of every single nation on the planet, measured roughly 1.5 times the UnWorld's diameter in length, was composed mostly of steel bound by duct tape, and was powered by a treadmill motor. Upon its completion in late 1986, Joe was chosen as its pilot.
The destruction of the Moon was planned to take place on an unrecorded Thursday sometime in 1987. According to mission logs, Joe attempted to start up the chainsaw, but broke its starter cord in the process. Onboard sensors recorded its blades reaching several hundred RPM, before snapping and being launched towards the Earth.
Despite being several million kilograms in weight, the chain was somehow deflected by a trampoline that was left out in someone's back yard. Its course was altered back towards the Moon, destroying the chainsaw in the process and cutting a massive swath in the Sea of Tranquility.
Within minutes, massive quantities of nacho cheese erupted from this hole [it was later discovered that the Moon's mantle and core were, in fact, composed of cheese], filling the sea of tranquility to the point that it became a true sea. Nacho Fries was later established here.
Real Eclipse[]
On August 21, 2017, the Moon passed between the Earth and the Sun. For some reason (possibly because it will be the last one in North America for 7 years [and that one will be the last for a long time]), people got hyped over it, but it's done the same thing before. Several evil geniuses in the UnWorld version of Earth, including Bowser and Dr. Robotnik, attempted to hold the eclipse for ransom, but forgot just how heavy the Moon is, and failed. Rumor has it they are planning on holding the eclipse for ransom again for April 2024, but they don't know this still won't be enough. We aren't going to tell them, though.
Terraformation[]
The moon after terraformation.
The moon was terraformed in 2063 to accommodate the cheese miners theres’ needs. They wanted a fresh atmosphere. Then their families came and established cities there.
Lunarians[]
The Lunarians led by princess Watatsuki No Yorihime (KKHTA) invaded the moon and killed all the cheese miners they would later turn the moon into their home. Yorihime is now planning to commit a massive atrocity to the unworld by causing the Moonlight Descent Ceremony