Romney giving a speech of deech.
I love Big Bird, but we need to kill him.
—Mitt Romney on Big Bird
Mitt Romney has a nice smile. He is an evil, greedy bastard, who is good friends with Mr. Krabs. He was born in the pits of Hell, and raised by the Devil himself. Mitt Romney enjoys harming poor people and giving the rich free money.
Early Life[]
Mitt was born in the pits of Hell, and raised as a Mormon. Later, he moved to Utah to hunt wolves. Got'em.
Politics[]
Mitt Romney is a Republican and tried to become the next president of the United States of UnAmerica in 2012 with Barack Obama as his main opponent. He has been campaigning all throughout UnAmerica. He has tried to boost his popularity by eating babies and ordering for the exile of Big Bird, but it has not been successful. In the end, Mitt Romney lost both the electoral vote and the popularity vote, although the early declaration of Obama's victory by electoral vote has stirred some controversy as Romney was still ahead in popular vote at the the moment. However, Obama won the popularity vote too in the end. Now, nobody cares about Mitt Romney.
Bar Days[]
In his days with Bain Capital, he would always go to the Red River Bar and fight mentally challenged people. He would also hustle pool (like he needs more money.)
Current Exploits[]
Mitt Romney has currently been abducted by joined the Supreme Cork, a law-making (and enforcing) organization located on a giant cork in space. There, he applies his political expertise to brewing coffee for the rest of the organization. Unlike most of the Supreme Cork's members, Mitt Romney works stays there full-time.