The gun I use is a piece of garbage
—Lotton the Wizard
ARE YOU TIRED OF PEOPLE KICKING YOU IN THE BALLS? IF SO, INVEST IN SOME GROIN ARMOR!
—Lotton the Wizard
Lotton, also known as Lotton the Wizard, is a sigma Rizz master who wears body armor everywhere. He is known for being a massive narcissist and always thinks he should make a cool entrance. He's basically a massive laughingstock with a heart of gold. He is one of the few people who have completed every Sonic Blood and Call of Ducky game and is known as the comic relief in the podcast known as That's Disgusting!. He is the friend of Shenhua and Sawyer the Cleaner, and they live together as freelancers. Sadly, because of Shenhua's involvement in the Hong Kong Triad, Lotton is basically a member by association. Despite his nickname being "The Wizard", he doesn't know any Magic; all he knows is Rizz. He wears body armor everywhere and is the inventor of groin body armor, a metal plate that protects your Pingas from being kicked or shot at.
The legend of THE WIZARD[]
Little is known about Lotton's childhood, but because of his personality, we could probably say that he watched too many Fatman Movies and wanted to become a superhero. That didn't happen because he was too focused on becoming skilled in the dangerous art of Rizz. After years of learning the forbidden Rizz Magic, Lotton could now easily charm the ladies. Sadly, he is afraid to talk to women. However, he was also afraid of people shooting him, so he bought a lot of body armor. He put Kevlar all over his body and then bought two Mauser pistols, despite knowing that the C96 is a piece of actual garbage in the pistol world. After that, he began his time as a mercenary for hire.
He arrived in Roanapur and went to the Yellow Flag to join the other bounty hunters, explaining why he prefers milk to Beer—alcohol makes him very sick because he's a lightweight. When the hunters went after a girl named Jane, nothing significant happened with Lotton during the hunt except for him making a dramatic entrance with a long speech before being shot off a rooftop by Revy. He rolled down like a ball, but survived due to his attire consisting of bulletproof everything. After the battle, he got up and aided the fatally wounded Shenhua and a very anxious Sawyer, who was going through a mental breakdown because of losing the only thing that allowed her to speak.
Due to this rare act of kindness in a shithole like Roanapur, Shenhua commented that he "was not the type to DIE" and would be better as a host in a bordello. Lotton claimed that he was too clumsy for that, and thus a great friendship began between the Rizz master, the Taiwanese assassin, and the psychopath. Later, Lotton would again save the two from death by a very, very, very pissed off Roberta, but at the cost of him getting kicked in the Pingas by the enraged maid. He did save his buddies, but at the cost of losing the ability to have kids. JUST KIDDING. His balls were unscathed as he was wearing his newest invention, the Pingas armor—a set of armor you put around your groin, so you don't get kicked in the Pingas. Yet again, he was made fun of by the person who shot him. Revy is a meanie butt face.
After that incident was dealt with by the Undefeatables, and when the Hong Kong Triad paid the trio for their subpar job, Lotton, along with Sawyer, decided to stay with Shenhua and live inside her house. They became freelancers in the process. Lotton currently resides in Shenhua's house, playing games with Sawyer and learning ways to Rizz up women.
Trivia[]
- He's the best character on That's Disgusting!.
- He has never shot a bullet out of his piece of shit pistols.
- Sawyer the Cleaner gave him a gift, which was a cross necklace that she used to own. Lotton now wears it.