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Kaptain Skurvy

Skurvy enhances literacy in young Children

Gender: Male
Hair color: Bald
Eye color: Black
Species: Crocodile
Home: Some oceans
AKA: Kannon
Likes: Making some influential pirate metal songs, his younger brother Klumpy
Dislikes: Donkey Kong, Vocaloid singers, Rainbowitis, most of the Teletubbies, King K. Rool and his doohickey
Education: Lying, Lootin, Stealin, Squidward Community College
Occupation: Pillager, Musician
Known For: being the descendant of Quint Skurvy.
UnRank: 7,300

Cquote1 Aargh, ye be wantin to take this to Port Royale? Well I'll snub ya landlubbers! Cquote2
Skurvy, before loading his hand-cannon with malicious intent in the past
Kaptain Skurvy

Kaptain Skurvy is a former pillager, curent musician, and forever pirate in heart and famous older brother of Klump Skurvy. He used to steal things, but not really that much anymore. He still has a minor vendetta with Donkey Kong and some of the other Kongs due to their robbery of the most funny little trinket in the UnWorld, the Crystal Coconut.

Even with his robber past behind him, Skurvy still lives in a pirate ship with his quirky crew of cosplayers, which only consists of cousins Kutlass and Green Kroc. He actually hosted one of the PirateCons (2001). Though most of the time Skurvy just has a panel there, where he teaches people about the letter R.


Early Life

592px-Kannon jumping

Kaptain Skurvy when he got a bit longer in the tooth.

Kaptain Skurvy and Klump Skurvy were both natural cajun folk, living in the sickly Bubblegoop Swamp. Their father, Francis Skurvy, told them stories about their great-great-great-grandpappy Quint Skurvy. Quint was an old pirate known for stealing shiny treasures, soon finding the Crystal Coconut. Quint loved it like a brother before it was cruelly stolen by Cranky Kong, to which he went full-metal pillager until his demise. This got Skurvy interested in his family's pirate lore, but Klump angry at all Kongs, so Klump tried to commit arson by launching missiles at Donkey Kong Country at 3:30 AM, but due to high winds, the missiles redirected back to the quagmire and burnt them out of house and home. But Skurvy was banished instead because he was orange, and that's the color of fire and explosions.

Finding a New Home

Skurvy was actually too lazy to search for a new home, so instead he took the mighty vessel Quint himself owned, floating in some lazy swamp water at a pirate sanctuary. He completely stole it to sail out into the far ocean through a nearby estuary. He then stopped at Somalia to convince his cousins, Kutlass and Green Kroc, to join his swashbuckling brigade. Since Skurvy charms people, it worked.

War Against Kongs

Kannon DKC2 enemy

Skurvy's epic hand-cannon!

The first thing Skurvy did? Sail to Donkey Kong Country to reclaim his birth rite, The Crystal Coconut! Hand-cannon in tow, he marched over to Cranky's Cabin to reclaim the Crystal Coconut, but Cranky threatened to call the authorities. Skurvy shot the old ape, knocking the wind out of the simian long enough to take the coconut. Just as Skurvy approached the door, Donkey Kong kicked down the door hard enough to send him flying back to the ship! Skurvy tried to get the Crystal Coconut back many times, but eventually gave up.

Working in the Music Industry



Skurvy's Undefeatable resume WARNING: LOUD

Skurvy and crew decided to submit resumes for being Undefeatables, but these went well as expected. So Skurvy went into the music industry to make some killer jams. The crew of pirate musicians danced into the HQ of Captain 0 Records with a giant treasure chest, he asked the guy owning the place (it wasn't Captain 0, it's called the way it is because it was at Captain 0 Land) if he could get signed a record label. This worked and Skurvy began to sing his grand songs for the entire UnMultiverse to jam out to! Legend has it that he went to Squidward Community College to learn how to make music.

All of his songs have been considered good, but three are considered his greatest hits. Unfortunately, everyone has their downfalls...

Skurvy: Life on the Line

...After he made his third grand hit, The Mirror Never Lies, Skurvy decided to end his music career on a high note, life was blissful and calm for Skurvy even when he became a weird pink color from old age. But on one faithful day, Skurvy was drinking Chocolate Milk using a green straw straight from his hand-cannon (yucky!) whilst dancing to Michael Jackson's "Bad", only to get flashbacks of his Crystal Coconut escapades, causing him to scream about how maggots should ravage the Kong's remains when they keel over. This was a combination capable of one gaining type 2 Rainbowitis, the inflammation of one's rainbow. Too this day, Skurvy is still fighting the terminal illness, taking as many Shawts as he can to escape Rainbowitis.

Skurvy's Top Hits


Screenshot 2020-08-28 at 2.12.15 PM

Yaar, this be Kaptain Skurvy's ship!

  • Skurvy hates most of the Teletubby Army, yet can stand the local scary one, Alt 2.0, this is because she added Pirate Scorn to her shame upon his request. (Not that UnAmericans or even Somalians play it.)
  • Skurvy appears in some Teletubbies 2015 episodes just to insult the Teletubbies and go wild.
    • Skurvy's relationship with the Teletubbies might actually be getting better even if he is a good guy and they aren't, as he helps them fight the Kongs in a newer Season 6 episode.
  • Skurvy absolutely despises King K. Rool because he believes King K. Rool ripped him off when making the King K. Rool Cannon. Not to mention Skurvy is nice, and K. Rool is mean.
    • We can actually make an entire book on why Skurvy hates King K. Rool, such as holding his younger brother Klump hostage and then disposing him just because he accidentally blew himself up.
  • Kaptain actually is his first name.
    • Despite this, most people still just call him Skurvy.
  • Skurvy would scarf the peaks of Kilimanjaro if he had enough room on the ship.
  • Kaptain Skurvy has an obsession with waxing the deck of his ship, this is why he and his crew were sliding so much in the Pirate Scorn video.
Final Smash Description
Now It's My Little Cannon, Against Little ol' You! (Let's See Who Wins) Skurvy takes out a giant cannon which shoots a huge kannonball at the puny lil' target!
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