Marguerite sucks! We gotta leave this place!
Kaiser Wilhstar IV (the Fourth) was the Führer of the Germoney Planet Clusters from June 25, 4000 through June 26, 4001, which is the least amount of time someone has been Führer of Germany. He came close to expanding Nazi rule into space, but was assassinated by Kayloo, who became the next Führer. He also wasn't the Kaiser of Germany; Kaiser's just his first name.
Early life[]
Kaiser when baby with Marguerite being evil in the background, of course
Born To Die, But Not Before Them. Actually, With Them.[]
Before Kaiser became a prominent guy in Marguerite Williams' Nazi Party, he was born in Germany during World War III. Like most babies born in Germany in during WWIII, his parents were part of Marguerite's War Babies Battalion, where every baby born is immediately taken to the frontlines of war with an M24 Stielhandgranate attached to their backs, it was either that or going to the Starving Labor Battalion, which was just a repurposed Soviet gulag from East Germany.
Kaiser was born "Kaiser" to two parents who just kept making babies to keep up with the quota. Every brother and sister of Kaiser were blown up by the hand grenades stuck to their backs. Kaiser was the last born before his mother became infertile, and just like every baby born in the War Babies Battalion, a grenade was stuck to his back, and he was sent to the front lines. Luckily for him, the grenade didn't go off because the guys who planted the grenade on him forgot to put the Pacifist Organization of Overaggressive Protection (P.O.O.P.) detector on him.
Doesn't Die[]
Since he didn't die, he crawled back to Germany, from Pac-Land, through the Indian Ocean and across Asia.
Well now there's just got to be an epic story about how he got to Pac-Land, right? Right! It was truly epic (no it wasn't). (Like every baby in the battalion thing,) Kaiser got a grenade strapped to his back and he was put on a rocket full of other bomb babies. He got to know the other babies using the misunderstood and forgotten baby language. He met Henri, a bomb baby with a bomb stuck to him, just like Kaiser. Kaiser met Hermann, another bomb baby inside the rocket. Henri shared his stupid whatevers; he wanted to become a guy who would be able to speak German like a true Deutschlandian. Hermann wanted to name a turtle species after himself. He literally wanted to own the species, like, call the species the Hermann's tortoise. Those dreams never came true. Kaiser told them that he wanted to go back to Germany, and every other baby laughed at him (or did they cry?) because that's impossible for a baby to do. This is known as being unaware because the babies who told Kaiser that a baby couldn't return to Germany were also babies, and a baby cannot name a species after himself or eat 42 cheeseburgers or anything else. This, this is a memory that Kaiser doesn't forget because of how stupid it was. How could babies talk? He doubts that was even real because babies can't talk, only yell.
Kaiser baby in the baby rocket thing
The rocket came from the south of Pac-Land due to a miscalculation that caused the rocket to go to Brazil and go so far north that the rocket made it to the south of Pac-Land over the ocean. The rocket started dropping (like pooping) out all of the babies with grenades stuck to their backs and stuff. Kaiser was the last to be popped out. This would be the last he ever sees of those other babies since all of them landed in the ocean around Pac-Land. Also, all the other babies dieded, if a certain someone couldn't tell from the last sentence. Kaiser managed to survive by using the baby grip superpower that all babies have to hold onto the porthole hatch that made all the other babies get dropped. He held onto the hatch opening until the rocket finally crashed into some forest trees rather gracefully because it had a parachute.
Kaiser landed and hopped out of the rocket to see some giant reverse nocturnal scuttle bugs that are arboreal and swing across trees. He easily killed them using his baby grip to crush the necks of those isopods.
He survived in that forest for his entire infancy by doing that all the time.
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM PLANKTON[]
Adventure of Wilhstar and Others[]
Now is a perfect time to interrupt this article and talk about Kaiser's journey to Germany.
As a young, aspiring boy in Pac-Land who has not been killed by an explode device, Kaiser has not any clue in hot hade where in der absolute fug he is. He knows he's in not Germany because he knows he's not in Germany. So, he has to find out how to get back to is Germany.
Of Kiwi and[]
In Pac-Land, Kaiser had to cut through some foliage forests because he couldn't realize that there was an open savanna to the right of him. He eventually noticed that his vision was really good and a kiwi poked his eye. That kiwi was the one blocking his rightoid vision and now he is actually blind in that spot forever. That kiwi said you're welcome to Kaiser and introduced himself as Dithtectus, a kiwi bird from Pac-Land.
Dithtectus and Kaiser told each other their wants and stipid life stories. Dithtectus wants to escape Pac-Land because of WWIII and more importantly, giant reverse nocturnal scuttle bugs that are arboreal and swing across trees, a terrible species that is supa dangerous to kiwis like Dithtectus. And Kaiser wants to get to Germany.
They walk in some Pac-Landian savanna with no trees and road next to it. They walk for at least 7.6 hours in the blistering moonlight until a mass-produced-in-ChinaHambourghini train comes along and scoops them up and takes them to their big benefactor: the nearest pool of lava. They're here because Dithtectus needed to use his dithering to create his epig lava creation. It was a volcanic potty that drives. With the Dithtectus Toilet Tiktactus, Kaiser and Dithtectus were able to get to the northern coast of Pac-Land by going so far south that they arrived on a boat that was leaving to China.
Gaddum Noobs it's a[]
Kaiser and Dithtectus arrive in China where they witness a Noob get pwned by a Noob who gets destroyed by the Noob. Dithtectus, sensing that this ninja Noob guy is not as dangerous as giant reverse nocturnal scuttle bugs that are arboreal and swing across trees, approaches him with good gusto and the Noob jumpscared him. Dithtectus was lacking any fring, so the living-dead Noob told him about the evil hentai and he was clearly paranoid.
So, Kaiser and Dithtectus and Noob tell their stories and stupor wants and needs. Noob Saibot tells them that he needs to kill the hentai before the hentai kills him even though he is skull dead already. Noob knows he needs help to find the way of the anti-hentai scroll of power that is hidden somewhere in Asia, so Kaiser and Dithtectus have to follow him everywhere. They search XLCity after searching all other parts of China and find the TV EEEE Shop where the display TVs show a Zee TV bureaucrat doing crime in India. The news guy announces very clearly in capital letters that the Zee TV bureaucrat is knows what the anti-hentai scroll of power that is hidden is. So, Kaiser and Dithtectus and Noob Saibot go to India.
O Zeesus[]
That Zee TV bureaucrat was still doing crime in India when they got there. She was currently doing the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad crime of pouring dog water in the sewer bucket, since people needed to drink out of that. Kaiser and Dithtectus and Noob Saibot drive the potty toilet car into the Zee TV bureaucrat, and they all escape the police.
That Zee TV bureaucrat was none other than Sailor Zee TV, an epoc icon of Indian sub-sub-under culture. Noob Saibot asked her for the clues to find the anti-hentai scroll and she told him that they must go to someplace, India, an ancient, super old Squadala Empire territory that housed a temple that housed the anti-hentai scroll of power. Dithtectus happens to know where that is, so he drives everyone there.
Get that scroll[]
At the place, they are attacked by hentai! This hentai was known as Hana Kyuo, a girl with cat ears on her hair. She's going to kill them super easily! Dithtectus uses his lava potty toilet mobile to try to drive in the hentai with no plan. It failed and he was knocked out. Sailor Zee TV used her TV power to try to hypnotize the hentai, but the hentai just reflected the hypnotism back to Sailor Zee TV. So, Sailor Zee TV was knocked out. Noob Saibot froze because he was more scared of hentai than he realized, so he was knocked out.
All of that gave Kaiser (rember ihm?) the time to grab the way of the anti-hentai scroll of power and use it on the hentai, Hana Kyuo. This temporarily defeated the hentai for a long enough moment so that Kaiser and everyone else could escape India.
Parting ways who cares[]
Kaiser says goodbye to everyone and goes to Germany and he would never see them again because who gives a flying ratcrap batcrap poduncle hubbard about Dithtectus the kiwi, Noob Saibot, or Sailor Zee TV.
Back to the Main[]
In Germany, he saw an astronaut once and he said aloud, that he wanted to be a space guy. However, he was visited by a reborn Adolf "I KILL YOU!" Hitler, who jumpscared Kaiser with his iconic, "I AM ADOLF HITLA." Hitler came to Kaiser because Hitler liked his name and wanted to teach him how to epically rap and bust it down Führer-style. Hitler, who is also dope on ze mic, warned Kaiser of a certain Communist.
Hitler pops in uninvited.
After Sphincter's teachings, Kaiser was suddenly jumpscared by Joseph "YOU WILL DIE" Stalin, well known rapist, who hit Kaiser with his proven, "Look into my eyes you perverted witch!" Kaiser was blown away, literally. He was launched Team Rocket style and landed into the 29th Reich Chancellery, where Führer Marguerite lived. It was a good thing this happened the second it did, because if it happened any earlier, he would be executed immediately. This is also why Kaiser hates Communists, which makes no sense.
Motion picture before Kaiser gets launched.
"Who art du to crak into my house, you seethrred cockinroach?" Asked the Führer. "I abskuhbabdlubgliksmup," replied Kaiser, being a victim of launch. Marguerite looked at him like a disapproving 4-year-old girl. "I am Kaiser Wilhstar IV," Kaiser said. "Ooh ye, Kawser Filhelm the Fort. I need du to get back to dur post as duh polical guy of my party. Hurry up." Marg can barely speak.
And that is how he became the political guy of the Nazi Party. Because Marguerite is an idiot.
Before Führership[]
Before Kaiser became Führer, he was a political guy in Marguerite Williams' Nazi Party. He and a bunch of other Germans resided in an alternate dimension, without the fear of living in Marguerite's Germany. He did this by building a portal to an alternate version of Earth where the world was in relative peace because people haven't evolved yet. He would use this alternate Earth to build giant spaceships that could contain the population of Germany in 3970 about 40 times, since WWIII was killing a whole bunch of Germans. He didn't just stay in the alternate Earth because he wanted to help the German people on Earth escape from Marguerite, a brutal tyrant, and the Third World War, which became the most devastating war in human history.
Just in case Marguerite or some other guys wanted to destroy these transport ships, he commissioned the construction of the Robotic Outerspace Battleship (R.O.B.) to defend everyone.
When the war was seemingly developing not to Marguerite's favor and the Pacifist Organization of Overaggressive Protection (POOP) were approaching Germany rapidly, Kaiser got all of the giant spaceships through the portal to Germany, which destroyed the 29th Reich Chancellery, but who cares. Kaiser gathered all of the Germans (and some others) he could find and got them onto the ships. They took off without giving a notice to Marguerite, fleeing the total destruction of Germany. Marguerite was mad that Kaiser didn't just use the R.O.B. to destroy POOP and was extremely depressed that she got left behind.
As Führer[]
Kaiser declared himself Führer of Germany on June 25, 4000 when he was informed of Marguerite's death and the end of WWIII. As Führer of Germany, his first action was to officially change the name of Germany to the Germoney Planet Clusters, in prediction that Germoney would become a galaxy-wide owner of planets and to tell that he was rich as heck. He formed the Completely Integrated Intergalactic Nazis of the Highest Order (CIINHO), which was to replace the Nazi Party, with the difference being that it was "completely integrated," as in, it wasn't exclusive to Germans or white people, as long as they were Nazis or anti-Communist. Weird.
He made drugs legal for recreational use. This led to the formation of the Fully Automated Luxury Space Communists (FALSC)(who were still Nazis, but Kaiser hated that they had "Communists" in the name), who thought that they could get away with it because they smoked some ketamine, but Kaiser created an anti-Communist policy that was to kill or enslave all the Communists in or out the Germoney transport ships, so they all were dieded or enslaved. He used the R.O.B. to laser Communists to death and destroy communist planets.
Death & Fulfillment[]
Kaiser thought he would be the Permanente Führer of the Germany, but he wouldn't see his dream of German planet clusters since, after one year of being Führer, he was murdered by Kayloo on June 26, 4001. He killed him because Kaiser renamed Germany to the Germoney Planet Clusters, which was stupid. Though Kaiser wouldn't see his dream, Kayloo led Germany to become a galaxy-wide owner of several planets filled with trillions of people and Chuck E. Cheese's. Kayloo also dissolved the CIINHO. Things only got better for space Germany when Kayloo was grounded banished to Hyrule and Happycat became the Führer for the rest of existence.
Trivia[]
- It is rumored that Kaiser shagged Stalin's wife and imprisoned his son. Though there is no video evidence of these claims, and Stalin's wife and son have been dead for over 2 millennia.
- It is also rumored that Kaiser is Darth Vader, but the only evidence of this is that Hitler called Kaiser "Vader." Also, Vader taught Kaiser spacey astronaut engineer stuff.
- This is the second longest character page on this wiki, just behind Wario.