vspph vphdph vphcph
—Jυlιμς CαεςαΓ, trying to say VΣΠΦ VΦDΦ VΦCΦ
ΜΣΜΣΠΤΘ ΜΘ℞Φ
—July Kaiser, trying to say msmsptth mthrph
I love MFNSTER ENERGY!
—IVLIVS CÆSAR, who loves mφnsters
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All that remains of him today.
Julius Caesar was a dude from Ancient Greece. He spoke GRΣΣΚ really well and was the original senator. He served in the Roman senate from 0 to 40 BCE, before Joe Biden blasted him off the senate and took it over to make it his own. He tried stabbing him 23 times with a kitchen knife, but Biden used a sleepy wave on him which made him very eepy, and his wife took his knife from him and used to make him a sandvich. Julius Caesar was also a Cultural Marxist. He wanted Marx to control the culture.
Currently, only 12 guys care about him, and Andrew Tate is one of them.
History[]
Ancient History[]
Julius Caesar is a part of history. He was born OVER 2000 years ago, and probablied died then too. Nobody remembers him except for the losers, who he was the king of all of. He liked Burger King and ate there all the time, until their cows started singing Mad Cow Disease so he drove to the Roman Empire to build it. He made it out of "plumbous" and lead, and constructed the houses out of wolfram and tungsten. When that proved too expensive, he turned to his personal philosopher Plato on what to do, and told him to make houses out of Play-Doh.
After his cat was crucifixed by Roman soldiers, he decided to fix everything. He went to Sweden and secured himself 122 wives. He said "gyatt damn" at them and arranged marriages between them and his soldiers, making their population explode when he sent the wives back with the Baby Boomers. They crowned him the King of the Roman Senate, kicking Freak with the Hood out and creating the first democracy.
Wars[]
Julius Caesar started lotsa stupid wars when he was Prime Minister of Rome, such as: The War of the Roses, The War of The Many Deaths, and The War on Stupidity (which he lost to the barbarians who were extra stupid, which is stupid).
War of the Roses[]
Julies Caesar saw that Notch replaced all his roses with poppies, so he slapped his face. Notch used a Glitchify on Julius which made him lose a total of 5 levels. When he tried to raise his eyebrow at him, Notch deflowered Julius Caesar and burned his flowers. He sent a piece of bread on cheese as a peace treaty, and Notch forgave him so gave him a rose bush and a skelly block.
War of The Many Deaths[]
He stabbed many people. The Fishmen helped him stab people. This was later turned into a website called Stabyourself.net
War on Raccoons[]
He is a sponsor of Jumbo Cola.
Julius Caesar was so dumb, that he thought the blood of Raccoons could make him stronger than God, so that when he beat God in an arm wrestling contest, he'd get to keep the UnUniverse for himself. He built giant trash cans with meat grinders at the bottom, but those drew in many Lloyds who were not raccoons, so sent scores of roman soldiers to find and capture raccoons. Tom Nuke was secretly turning his men into Raccoons, and sending them to the Soviet Union to become red communists. The war stopped after Julius Caesar smoked weed.
War of the Ain't Nobody Got Time for That[]
Awesome Troll called his glasses stupid, so he called him stupid back. Awesome Troll then called his mom stupid, and they got into a 5,000 year insult match. It was only stopped when a big fat american said "SHUT THE FLIP UP!" after they both died. They were revived and sent back in time, and Julius Caesar cursed him by making him a mime.
War on Stupidity[]
Julius Caesar thought he could take on Germany, and so he ate all their Bratwursts and tried to make them starve to death. When they made more bratwurst, he outlawed it. The Germans almost starved to death, but he called Medusa's child Crona extra ugly, so his mommy made his face the ugliest face by doing her super snake attack which turns faces ugly. He turned into stone, so the barbarians killed all the Romen who killed Jesus so became holy, thus founding the Holy Roman Empire with Albert Einstein.
Statue Days[]
Medusa made Julius Caesar his personal servant. She forced him to make chocolate milk, which was impossible since nobody knows what the heck that is. She ate his stone body, and left the head as some weird sort of "solumn vow". He was stolen by The British Museum. Currently, he is screaming behind a glass tube braided with glass diamonds. He died after he drowned in his own carbon monoxide. He was revived a few times after that, but he died for the last time when he tried to swear at a kid and his lungs collapsed.