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UnAnything Wiki
UnAnything Wiki
" As a kid, I would just crawl into Bowser's anus "
Full name: Joel Varg Johansson
Gender: male
Sexuality: heterosexual
Hair color: dark brown mullet
Eye color: greenish
UnBirthday: August 29, 1993
Species: human
Home: Sweden (formerly), Kvitøya
Alive or Dead?: alive, but very cold
AKA: King Joel Johansson the 1st, Joel Johansson the duke of Sweden, Hoel
Likes: Chicken Nuggets, some memes, other memes, and Pepsi
Dislikes: Dave Strider
Education: Catholic school from 1st grade to 3rd
Occupation: IKEAe worker (formerly), Ruler of Sweden/Scandinavia (formerly), Let's Player
Religion: agnostic
Known For: for not understanding techmology, playing vidya shames, and being swedish

Joel (fullname: Joel Varg Johansson) is a guy who worked at a furniture store and got pissed so became ruler of Sweden.

Lets go a bit more in depth then that...

Ok, so basically: Joel was born in the 90's to his father, Kermit the frog.

He became addicted to Pepsi at age 1. His Pepsi addiction worsened and worsened until the point where he was in and out of a catholic school until 3rd grade. 

He has not been able to get clean, and the addiction has completely destroyed his family.

He got a job at IKEA but after being abducted by aliens (in reality he was just mildly trolled by Homestuck Trolls but is too much of a sissy to admit it) and given PTSD he thought enough was enough and just like that became the then emporer of Sweden.

It was during this point he annexed Norway after nuking it, which caught the attention of a stinky man named Vinny.

Vinny, who owned his own country, was also a let's player, got Joel to join his legion of politician let's players.

Over the next few years while working together, Joel would grow a massive hatred towards fellow politician/let's player Dave Strider but also a slight affection towards him.

It was a love-hate relationship but primarily hate (on Joel's side at least).

Following the Unfinity War and the death of Thannos (not Thanos! they're different!) Thor took over all of Scandinavia and formed the Asgardian Empire.

Vinny didn't like this so declared war, which scared Joel shitless because he didn’t want to die so he fled to the freezing Scandinavian artic island of Kvitøya.

The island is currently a disputed territory between Russia and the Asgardian Empire, but Joel is the only person who lives there so it's hard to dispute.

the island of Kvitøya as seen on Google

Joel currently makes a living by live streaming himself play Video Shames for money, and then swimming all the way past the Asgardian Empire to the Baltic Union where he buys Pepsi and chicken nuggets, which he lives off of and nothing else.

As for Dave, despite being the person Joel hates the most, he’s the only one who keeps contact with Joel.

Joel's current home, on Kvitøya