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UnAnything Wiki
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Oh, what's wrong? Can't take a little constructive criticism?

Jasper, standing over somebody's dead body

Jasper Rolls is a mysterious theater critic who simultaneously enjoys and despises bad plays, kind of like the Angry Video Game Nerd or Nostalgia Critic. The difference is, unlike James and Doug, Jasper sometimes murders actors who he especially dislikes, usually by putting on a corset and a mask and trying to convince them he's the Phantom Of The Opera. Nobody knows why he does this, but he seems to get some form of enjoyment out of it.

He's actually close friends with J.B. and Balan (the three of them were all theater nerds), but the other two have a healthy fear of him. He's a complete stranger to other Top Hat Mafia members, though, so he is liable to murder them if they decide to attempt writing a play with no experience. He easily gets bored or frustrated, though, so you better watch your back while performing, even if you're good at it.

Whenever he's not perched up in a balcony seat and making fun of the actors, he slinks back to his home, which is located somewhere in Wadd (due to getting kicked out of his previous place). Nightmarionne doesn't mind him that much, mostly because they both have a shared interest in goth stuff, even if Jasper only uses it as a disguise. As long as he pays his rent and doesn't have one of those days, he can stay. He's also a member of the Goths, mostly because of his landlord.

He currently lives with his room-mates Becky Houndstooth and Bonita Soleil.

Trivia[]

  • Jasper's head is not connected to his body, so guillotines (or any form of decapitation) do not work on him. Nobody knows why he's like this.
  • He sleeps like a cat, curled up. He also gets mad if you try to touch him.
  • He owns an Atari Jaguar and a CD-i, which are in his prized, dust-free collection.
  • Psychonauts have tried to contain him before, however, they failed. Now they're chill with him due to Judgment Boy bribing them.
  • He thinks The Milkman is just an excuse for Boyd to commit arson, and has set up a 250,000 UnDollar bounty on him, dead or alive.
  • Juno was nearly shanked by him once.
  • He has fought with Dedan before. Why? Petty stuff.
  • He knows how to play the double bass/upright bass/cello/"that thing Les Claypool is playing in the Mr. Krinkle music video"
  • He actually kinda misses Gloria Von Gouton, and has consoled "Hip Choice" while he was grieving her loss before.
  • He has deemed Lock his son ever since he just showed up at the Goth base one day.
  • Since Justin Trudeau is the prime minister now, Jasper has been banned from going to Canada. It doesn't stop him, though, as shown in an episode of Di Lung's Stupid Ghost-Hunting Show.
  • Watatsuki No Yorihime (KKHTA) hates him, Bonita, Becky, and Nick for stopping her from turning That's Discussing! into propaganda (again, Pepper Jackie did it first). Oh yeah, also because he took one of her eyes and sold it on the dark web.
  • Nick keeps calling him "mommy" for some reason.
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