Bond. James Bond.

James Bond (better known as Bond James Bond) is a super-cool martini-sipping suit-wearing womanizing secret agent that costs the UnUnited Kingdom billions of UnDollars every year. He is incredibly destructive and likes to make stuff asplode. He also likes to shoot stuff and kill things.

James Bond first started his secret agent career when he was a child. Most kids his age did stupid dares like the Cinnamon Challenge or dancing without any pants. But James Bond dared people to break into top secret government facilities that promised to shoot intruders on sight. Everybody chickened out, so Bond did it himself. He killed all of the guards and blew up the base. The local intelligence agency was impressed, so they hired him.


  • His greatest accomplishment to date was starring in Goldeneye 007, arguably the best shooter shame of all time.
  • James Bond is cooler than you.
  • His name is Bond. James Bond.
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