- Hot coffee! Hot coffee!
- —Jack Thompson
- "Bully" is a Columbine simulator.
- —Jack Thompson
- <Needs completion> I will hunt you down, and I will kill you.
- —Jack Thompson towards video game violence
Jack Thompson is an evil attorney who tries to ban video shames to so-called "protect the children", but really wants lot'sa money from the company he sues so he can become a richer idiot than he already is, and he actually hates children (wut a big damned liar). Alot of guys hate him because he tries to ban their favorite video games, and make fun of him online. He is also addicted to drinking hot coffee. He is a Stupider. He lives in the life- swirling Stupid City now. He is a minion of NEDMgee because the only shames NEDMgee likes are his own shames.
Jack Thompson was born in his neighbor's house for unknown reasons. When he was seven, he learned about violent media and shames, heard someone got killed because this guy played a violent video shame (which was obviously a lie). When he was 15, he opposed shames and tried to get a protest to ban them, but instead got an angry mob surrounding him and kicking the hell outta' him with bats, books, and keyboards (because he is a stupid nerd). After graduating from high school, Jack Thompson threatened to sue Nintendo for how "violent" their Mario shames are to get their money. In response to this Nintendo counter-sued him and got $999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,997 from him (what a loser).
Later Life and Career
When Jack Thompson turned 29, he applied for law attorney (or secretly, a cash stealer). He sued many companies that made violent shames, but kept on failing at winning the case, and had his butt kicked constantly by the companies that made the shames. After many failed attempts at winning, people started to insult and taunt him for his inept and evil attorney strategies.
Time in a Mental Institution
Jack Thomspon was once sent to a mental institution for trying to bomb Nintendo for releasing MadWord. He was due to spend a month there. A week after he was captured, he broke out of the institution wrapped in a straight-jacket. A day passed, and the doctors realised he escaped, so they called in D. João VI with his cricket-bat to take down Jack Thompson. D. João VI searched for one day, and found him crying in a bar, so he ran after him, and hit him with the cricket-bat, knocking Jack Thompson out. He was returned an hour later, and was released after his time wuz up.
Jack has a deep hatred for Edgar Schneider, because he is one of the most successful lawyers ever, and also is the coolest. The main reason Jack hates Edgar is because Edgar likes Shames and believes everyone should play them. This, of course, goes against his crackpot theories on Shames. Edgar has attempted to kill Jack, but so far all attempts have failed.
He lives in a big house with his mother who treats him like an eight-year-old and spanks him with a fly swatter, and his only friends are Mr. Teddy, Computer, and his Diary. He also works with BAFTA (Best Abominations For Toddler Assassinating) and BBC (Bye Bye Children), as well as the evil Teletubbies.
Videos of Jack Thompson's PWNAGES
Yup. Jack Thompson gets his butt PWN3D alot of times by random guys. Here are some videos of him getting owned.