It took three years to find a banner without graffiti. Stupid Stormcloaks...
- Not to be confused with the Imp Legion.
The Imperial Legion aka The Mongrel Dogs of The Empire is a group of no-good empire-loving chocolate-worshiping boot-licking arrow-flinging milk-drinking Talos-hating yellow-bellied elf-hugging cowardly poopy heads. They are also the strongest military force in Skyrim, and one of the most feared forces in all of Tamriel. Well, not exactly. The Imperial Legion got the crap beaten out of it during the Skyrim Civil War, and now there are only four guys left in the entire legion (and three of them are drunk).
The Imperial Legion has been effectively replaced by the Daedric Army led by Sheogorath.
History[]
Creation and First Blood[]
The First Imperial Legion was formed a million years ago by King Worroa the 235th in order to combat the dragon problem. Except nobody wanted to fight the dragons. So Worroa assembled a team: William "B.J." Blazkowicz, Crash Bandicoot, Dr. Who, Squirtle, Captain America, Dr. Zoidberg, and Freak with the Hood. The brave warriors and Zoidberg rushed into battle, slaying dragons left and right. But then they all got lit on fire and quit. Worroa fired arrows into the air, and the dragon's knees were forever destroyed.
Rebirth of the Legion[]
In the year 374 BC, the Emperor of Tamriel created the Second Imperial Legion, with thousands of brave Nords (and other less important species). The legion was used to expand the empire and protect its interests. This worked for a while, but eventually the legion decided mead was better than fighting, and they all got drunk instead.
The Skyrim-Loompaland War and Skyrim Civil War[]
In the mid 14th century, Loompaland declared war on Skyrim. The Imperial Legion rose to its defense, attacking all of the Oompa Loompas and killing a bunch of innocent civilians. Though the legion managed to win the war, they were so weak they agreed to sign a "peace treaty" that coincidentally gave King Torygg a bunch of money. Willy Wonka gained power over Skyrim and the Empire was weak.
The Stormcloaks erupted in rebellion, dedicated to pushing Wonka and his Oompa Loompas out of Skyrim. After years of bloody combat, the Daedric Army attacked and defeated both armies. The Imperial Legion was destroyed.
Beliefs[]
It is the belief of the Imperial Legion that treaty between Skyrim and Loompaland be upheld. Talos is not to be worshiped, the Oompa Loompas are allies of Skyrim, and chocolate is sacred. These beliefs are clearly stupid, but try telling that to an Imperial.