The notch is gone!
The iPhone 14 is a phone. According to the dumb law, a new iPhone must be made every year (IPhone SE is exempt) Compared to the 13, it’s exactly the same (except it's much smaller, the notch was replaced (see next sentence) and the mini is fucking dead). Instead of a notch, the Pro models have a pill. Apple calls this the dynamic island. Damn, they missed out on the opportunity to call it the iLand.
Tim Cook needs money because they’re at risk of being rich if they don’t make new iPhones every year. And until Apple shuts down that’s how it'll go forever.
The ad for the phone has a goofy ahh song that sounds like it’s saying the racism word, we won’t say it because I don’t want to get banned but I’m pretty sure you can guess.
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Because Tim Cook wasn't a total bozo, he revived himself and stuck the parts of his revival machine into the iPhone 14, so it can revive people (a fact that not very many people know about because it was never advertised). This also made the processor faster, such that it can play videos without taking forever to load, like it should be. Some people called this feature "on par with Windows Infinity", but then Microsoft Sam led his army of Microsoft voices and started a war over whether Mac or PC was better. Unsurprisingly, Tux just sat back and laughed.
These things can even detect car crashes, call your mom to pick you up via satellite and detect Moar Krabs so you can hide your jellyfish jelly. The satellite is also useful if for example your stuck in the edges of the Teletubby Land Acid Lake grabbing on for dear life so you can call 112 even with no reception
All things considered, the iPhone 14 was one of the few good iPhones, despite causing a war and occasionally summoning demons when locked.
It is AWESOME!, unlike it’s predecessors.
For “environmental concerns” they still don’t have a charging brick. Even Samsung doesn’t have a charger anymore.