Furbies

Purple-nurple doo-ay! Love me!

—A furby, blurting out the most nonsensical phrase known to mankind

*A dangerous Globodermis Strigimimus out in the wild Family: Hyperphagia*

Furbies are, first and foremost, evil things that devour children's souls. They can eat any person though, and their flesh and bones too. They are also one of Teletubbies's minions and allies back when they used to rule the UnWorld. Furby is also one of Kirby's disguises.

They are alien creatures led by Satan, Teletubbies, Dr. Phil (who hypnotizes little children into thinking they like a furby with in depth talks about noththing that no one listens to or understands he also uses the reflection of his giant ugly fat head), Oprah Winfrey, Timmy Turner, Fire Slimes, Tourettes Guy and his good friend, Al Gore who disguise themselves as cute toys for unsuspecting children. The only way to kill a Furby is to microwave it.

Furbys come from the planet Zoltron, on the outer edges of the milky way galaxy. In the 1960's, the U.S. government sent a space team to Zoltron to collect Furbies for use in government reconnaissance. Most historians now believe this was, like the amnesty bill, a result of faulty intelligence and a really stupid idea.

Furbies Unleashed[]

Furbies were reinvented in 1997 by evil Hasbro agent Oprah Winfrey who had previously become the leader of the United Federation of Furbies. 3 kids were found dead the following Christmas. Their toys were suspected to be the culprit in their murders.

Physiology[]

Furbies are small bird-like things resembeling the things from the movie Gremlins, with a taste for human flesh. Furbies have large ears, which are used for eavesdropping upon everything around them and reporting it to King Furballshotzin of the planet Furballfickux. Some can fly. The "fluffiness" of Furbies is a biological adaptation which developed generate affection from humans, specially females, which enjoy Furbies rubbing their coconuts. Beware, Furby coconut rubbing is extremely addictive. The only recorded event occurred with a certain gertus cordus (gerta) who I'm afraid is still being rubbed by a furby as she cannot live without it. Furbies come in many colors; generally, furbies with a cool color scheme are female, and Furbies with a warm color scheme are generally male. Brown and black Furbies are considered to be transvestites.

Furbies have beaks. They use these beaks to separate Nitrogen from the atmosphere.

Furbies have eyes... they can see EVERYTHING.

If one was to turn around the beak of a Furby, one would find a long appendage attached to the "tongue", and antennae of sorts used to send any information they have gained for the demise of earth to the signal receivers on their home planet.

All Furbies are born with male and female reproductive systems. However , as their personality develops, depending on what that personality is like, they will shut down one of their systems. Others choose to stay that way or reactivate the other later on. Thanks to this ability, Furbies when they feel like they need to can fertilize themselves. Furbies during a gender change will change colors to reflect the gender typically associated with that personality .

Communication[]

They communicate to each other through the shapes above their eyes. They are fluent in Furbish, a language closely related to Telugu.

There aren't enough words in Furbish for effective communication. Their English vocabulary grows as they spend more time with humans.

Furbish, though, is surpassed by the true language of the Furbies. It has no name pronounceable by humans, and sounds remarkably similar to static. It is primarily composed of buzzing, beeping, clicking, and whirring noises, some of which are intelligible to electronic devices, such as vacuum cleaners, and make them asplode.

Souls and your Furby[]

A fact some people refuse to believe (Since they are hypnotized by Furbies) is that Furbys will consume your Soul. They Don't need it, they'll do it just for fun. They discovered three ways of stealing human souls:

Injecting - By singing stupid songs, they slowly steal your soul and inject stupid juice into your brain.

Slowly stalking you at night then pouncing.

By using a "bad touch", don't tell anybody, or else uncle furby will kill you.

A Furby can steal the souls of 12 people in only one day.

The Furby Empire[]

Currently, the only earth-based furby kingdom is the one of Uganda, which is at war with the Booga Booga kingdom over controversies about Furbies stealing Booga Booga land.

Furbies in Foreign Policy[]

During WWII, Rudolph Smitler instituted a ban on Furbies (even though he is allied with them) because they were related to Mogwais. Smitler hated Mogwais for their begging of food. He declared that anyone who harboured Furbies would be condemned to die by taking one of his multivitamins with a martini. Smitler's multivitamins consisted of cocaine, morphine, oxycoton, and marajuana.

In more current events, Furbies are used at Guantanamo Bay Detention Center to interrogate terrorists. They are trained at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

Microwaves and Furbies[]

Microwaves of any sort have an interesting effect on the Furby, causing it to go insane, speak Furbish and screech and call people within the area lewd names. The Furby's vain attempt at trying to take your soul, sanity and anything else you might have. This is a common execution method for Furby haters, or "the Enlightened". It is a common misconception that simply taking the batteries will work. This is not true. They simply use batteries as a way to fool you.

Air Horns and Furbies[]

Furbys are over powered by many things, save for anything that has to do with your soul, dictating, George Bush, or your mom. Airhorns cause Furbies to go insane and spit gibberish from their beaks. Do not be fooled, they are perfectly fine, and only use this trick to attempt to steal your soul. Furby's also bomb people to kill them. They are known for eating everything in sight, including people, and babies.

Soldier Furbies[]

The Russians genetically engineered furbies and used them to annihilate and control people. Von Gotte Kai, early Prime Minister of Russia, decided to use them as weapons for dominating small parts of Europe and tiny parts of Asia. The Soldier Furbies through mass propaganda and murder helped the commies to take over some of Europe. After the fall of The Red Towers, the Soldier Furbies retreated to an island.

Robot furbies[]

To help boost their strength, starting 2012, Furbies produced The robot furbies, which came in 3 generations.

Furby 2012[]

They were produced in 2012, because of December 21st, 2012. They wanted to contribute to whatever mayhem that they would believe to happen that day. All 2012 furbies have slanted eyes because they are evil, like the rest of the furbies. Thankfully none of this happened but they were left with a bunch of robotic versions of themselves.

Furby Boom[]

The Furbies couldn’t get enough of building more robots so in 2013, they made Furby Booms. The Boom in the name means they can explode and are specialized in explosives. All Furby Booms eyes are shaped like flames because fire is associated with hell. A crystal version was made in 2014. It also likes rock music because some people view that as evil.

Furby connect[]

Furby connect released in 2016. These took on a cuter appearance so they could have a better potential of gaining owner trust. To commemorate the year-coming of Teletubbies, these came with an antenna on top.

Furby 2023[]

This time they made them cute so people will actually love them. They were also designed to compete with Alexa. They are the most dangerous type of furby.

Trivia[]

The Furbies’ main rivals are the Hatchimals. The Hatchimals are recruited by the The Loud House for similar purposes.
There are several towns in UnPanem named after the Furbies and are largely populated by them. There also was also one in Canada before it got dissolved by the government for being too evil. However its bay, which the town was named after, Furby Cove, did not get its name changed. Also, the ones in UnPanem haven’t been dissolved due to UnPanem having ties with the Teletubbies.