Valves logo & Mascot
Valve (formerly Brainwashing Valve) is a company that makes shames and sells them to all of the other companies. Valve is dedicated to World Domination through the use of shame-based mind control. So far, it's working. Fortunately, their only method of control is Idiot Manipulation, so some smart people are immune. Unfortunately, 99.999999% of humans are idiots, so most are not immune. Valve was founded by Gabe Newell.
History[]
Valve first started out as a company that built various mind control and brainwashing devices. They made lotsa money doing this. Then they spend this money on their greatest creation yet: a video shame that brainwashes the player. In other words, they made a typical video shame. They decided to call it Full-Life. This shame became very popular, and Valve became famous as a shaming company. Deciding to go with this, they cut the word "Brainwashing" out of their name. They still brainwash people though.
They licensed their Full-Life engine to some developers, under the prevision that whatever they made had to have guns, and Valve owned the IP. Some popular shames that came out of this were Team Fortress Classic and Counter-Strike. People really liked Counter-Strike because you got to play as terrorists, and people liked Team Fortress because you got to play as the Spy.
They wanted to make even more money, so they made sequels to their shames, but they wanted to keep all the profits and cut out the middlemen. Thus, they developed their state of the art Steam engine. It was a server room powered by water that you could download shames from if you had an Internet connection. The first shame that was released on Steam was Full-Life 2, and then Counter-Strike: Sauce, and then Team Fortress 2. Team Fortress 2 was the most notable Valve shame of the 2000s because they figured out the secret formula: Loot Boxes. They included loot boxen in their next Counter-Strike sequels: Counter-Strike: You are Offensive and Counter-Strike 2, which ruined multiplayer shames and made them billions of dollars.
They made some more shames after that, but Steam was so profitable they they just sat on their yannies, raking in money every year doing nothing.
Full-Life 3[]
For some reason, people are really obsessed about the one shame Valve never made: Full-Life 3. People built temples to worship the third coming of Gordon Freeman, however Gaben himself nuked these temples, telling everybody that there will never be a sequel. Actually, Gaben said he didn't do that. He said that the Imposter disguised himself as Gaben to made him look bad. Gaben has never spoken about this incident since.
List of Valve Shames[]
Full-Life[]
- Full-Life
- Full-Life: Opposing Force
- Full-Life: Blue Shift
- Full-Life: Decay
- Full-Life Sauce
- Full-Life 2
- Full Life 2: I forgot where the coast was
- Full-Life 2: Episode 1
- Full-Life 2: Episode 1 Episode 1
- Full-Life Alex
- Count to Three with Gordon Freeman
- Full-Life I cannot count to III
Full-Life Deathmatch[]
- Full Life Deathmatch
- Full Life Deathmatch Sauce
- Deathmatch Classic
- Full Life Deathmatch 2
Counter-Strike[]
- Counter-Strike
- Counter-Strike: Condition Zero
- Counter-Strike: Condition Zero Deleted Scenes
- Counter-Strike: Sauce
- Counter-Strike: You are Offensive
- Counter-Strike 2
Team Fortress[]
- Team Fortress Classic
- Team Fortress 2
Portal[]
- Portal
- Portal 2
- The Lab
- Aperture Hand Lab
- Aperture Desk Job
Dota[]
- Dota
- Dota 2
- Dota Underlords
- Artifact
Left 4 Dead[]
- Left 4 Dead
- Left 5 Dead
Shames nobody cares about[]
- Ricochet
- Day of Defeat
- Day of Defeat Sauce
Trivia[]
In 1985, Valve sued the French company TF1 (Which was founded by Spy). The next year, TF1 was renamed from Team Fortress 1 to Télévision Française 1.