F, in a state of random depression and indigestion.
F (sometimes called f by weenies) is a guy who is in charge of all warfare and military operations within ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. He has a cousin named 屌.F is also the Supreme Commander of Unimportant and Irrelevant Tasks, which is for some reason important and relevant enough to be in this article. He is currently the most powerful letter in Alphabeta, besides A himself.
F was originally not a letter at all. He was not even a number. He was, in fact, a Snuffleupagus of Ancient Rom. However, he did not know how to use that weird nose thing, and was kicked out. The Bad People turned him into the weird thing he is today.
He became a Roman Warrior, and fought bravely in battle for over three hundred seconds. His incredible battle record got the attention of the letters (most soldiers only last two hundred seconds). He was brought in as the letter F, and quickly became a military adviser of A.
Thousands of years later, he is still a letter. Today he is the supreme commander of warfare, and unimportant and irrelevant tasks. This makes him very powerful, as he has control of bombs. F is known for using the F Bomb against enemy countries, and proudly declares that he invented it (it was actually Andrew Jackson).
And for that infamous cartoonist, MIKE SALCEDO! We will never talk about that...