Electronic Arts

Electronic Arts (called EA by the lazy people) is a foolish little company that thinks it can be a shaming company. They were founded by Satan, who regrets having created such a terrible company. Through a combination of overpricing, poor-quality shames, Pay to Win, and DLC, EA has set out to destroy the shaming industry as a whole. In 2012 and 2013, they were ranked as the "Worst Company in UnAmerica".

EA Shames

• The Sims: Having no relation to The Simpsons shame, The Sims lets players control ordinary humans in their ordinary houses, living the rich and interesting lives that the players don't have.
  • SimCity: The player manages a city of Sims. Rather than being a shame, SimCity is ranked among the Seven Sins of EA.
• Battlefield: A carbon copy of Call of Ducky, but without Ducky. Who would want to play that?!
• Madden: This aptly-named football simulator will madden its players with boring shameplay, mediocre graphics, alleged curse, and commentary written by Captain Obvious.
• FIFA: The soccer simulator that comes out on different consoles every year as the same shame. It literally does not change in any respect, not unlike the blackness of EA's heart.
• Titanfall: An actually decent shame that pits soldiers in mech suits against each other. Of course, when EA developed the shame, they realized that it was too good for their standards, so they removed the single player mode.
• Mass Effect: A shepherd flies into space and engages in undercover relations (i.e. a relationship under the covers) with every alien ever.

The Seven Sins of EA

EA may have done some terrible things, such as inserting DLC and microtransactions in their shames, but these sins truly set them apart as a soulless, unethical corporation.

• EA decided to quit paying for licensed weapons and keep using them anyway
• Fellow shaming company THQ alleges EA feigned interest in a potential buyout in order to snag the UFC license away
• EA shuts down Victory Games, Command and Conquer canceled
• EA to close EA Partners division after a number of lay-offs
• EA creates a contest called Code Wars to steal fresh ideas from competitive indie developers
• EA is coming under fire for DLC and being sued over Battlefield
• and...SIMCITY

How to Get a Job at EA (Not That You'd Want To)

To acquire a job at Electronic Arts, you must be known for your Electronic Smarts. You'll be summoned to play some Electronic Darts, but it's actually an interview with Electronic Farts. They'll drive up to you in some Electronic Carts, then sell your soul at one of their Electronic Marts. You can still earn a place in their Electronic Hearts if you buy and feed them some Electronic Tarts. You'll receive and assemble some Electronic Parts, and now you're employed at Electronic Arts!

References

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