- Oh yeah? Well there's no "you" either! So I guess if I'm not on the team and you're not on the team, then nobody's on the goddamn team. The team sucks!
- —After being told there's no "I" in team.
Dexter Grif is a loser on Red Team that has nothing better to do than eat, sleep, and sleep. He was positioned in Blood Gulch for several years, but eventually went on a bunch of wacky adventures because of events that interfered with his sleeping schedule. Among other things, he watched while his friends defeated a rogue Artificial Idiocy unit, he pretended to help take down a major conspiracy, and he took over Germany with a big bomb in order to write laws saying he didn't have to do work.