Crimes

What happens to you after years in prison.

Stop! You violated the law. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit.

—Cyrodiil guards

You do the crime, you do the time
(Yeah? No.)

By UnDefiniton, Crimes are acts that are considered unlegal in the place you are at. Unlegal meaning that people do not like it. The most common punishment for crimes in the UnUniverse is for an entity known as the Police to throw you in a place known as jail. Jailhouses are not the full extent of it, they can do other stuff depending on how awesome it will be!

Here are the crimes you shall not do unless you have a Escape Jail Card. However, if you don't you will go to Brazil, or you will be arrested by the Police, or will your local authorities, OR ELSE YOU WILL DIE!, or all of the above. This is serious crap, so don't do the following:

• Murder: this crime is killing people, the Teletubbies and Ganon do this all the time.
  • Cross-Reality Murder: trying to kill people in the Real World. Done by most people here.
  • Vehicular Manslaughter: Running people over with a car.
• Rape: attacking others to s*x them. Outlawed and punishable by DIE.
• Wasting: the deliberate, malicious and copious wasting of probably, presumably, most likely important stuff. SpongeBob SquarePants wastes water all the time, but he's in a place where it's all water, so it's complicated.
• Horny: this is only a crime because the police thought they were being really funny, but it’s not usually enforced by official law agencies. You're always horny.
• Theft: stealing duh, EA steals from the parents of children makes microtransactions all the time.
  • Jewelry heist: doing theft of jewels, gems, or precious metals, Morgoth and Peepy did this once. (Actually, you should probably assume that Peepy did all these crimes.)
  • Lockpicking: opening a lock with a pick, You do this when you play Oblivion or Skyrim.
  • Gleeping: This is just another word for stealing in elementary school cant. Arthur claimed to be a gleeper once but he was just being a poser.
  • Stealing a Balloon: Self Explanatory. You are only in jail for 3.14 Seconds if it's free Balloon Day.
• Copyright Infringement: Stealing other people's ideas and making a rip off of it. Done by Chuck Norriseegee all the time. Viacom abuses the system so that he can veto protections on YouTube Poops that feature Fakegees.
• Resisting arrest: when you're getting arrested and you fight back. You do this when you play Oblivion or Skyrim.
• Arson: basically burning places and buildings down. Cancer’s crab minions did this to ESRB's bases before they moved to Area 51.
• Zodiac awakening: Even if it's by accident, it's a crime to awaken a monster possessing zodiacal properties because they’re a bunch of whinging plebs who wanted reasons to sleep all day. committed by both Alt 1.0 (accidental) and Waluigi (ambiguous). Gorefield makes it a habit to break this law every time he gets up in the morning.
• Fraud: making money off of people by deception, Satoshi Nakamoto did this by inventing Bitcoin.
  • 419: sending lies through email and convincing the recipient to wire you money. Nigerian royalty does this.
  • UnDollar chopping: when someone else is running a 419 and you email the mark and pretend to be the person that the original fraudster wanted you to send money to (this is wrong because it is basically just another kind of 419), Nkem Owoh does this.
  • Tax fraud: when you don't pay all your taxes. Yoshi commits tax fraud. Libertarians make it sound like they do this but they are posers.
  • Zodiac 419: only commited by Gemini, The Fighting Twins to Alt 1.0 because Nguyen is still mad that she woke him from his zodiac slumber. Other than it being commited by a zodiac beast, it's the same as normal 419.
• Conspiracy to commit wire fraud: when you make a plan with other people to send messages through telecommunications and convince recipients by deception to send you money. Sam Bankman-Fried and Elizabeth Holmes have committed this.
• Blowing stuff up: this is illegal if you’re not a stupidhero, committed by Creepers and Syria.
• Cannbalism: a global taboo of eating a creature of the same species as you. Commited by the Teletubbies, Malleo and occasionally Horrortime tubby
• Coffin Dancing: Being a part of the Coffin Dance group, or dancing with people's bodies. Only legal in Ghana.
• Doing Nothing: This is only a crime in Nazi Germany, because Police Nazis hate you and everyone else.
• Animal Abuse: Hurting Animals. Police get especially mad if you kill a kitten. The UnAnything Team once threatened to slowly kill a kitten on some page, and someone tried to burn Happycat once, which lead to a riot of people at that person's door in the morning along with numerous prank calls that blasted NEDM at 110 decibels, presumably from one of his relatives.
• Pirating: Distributing copies of a digital file that shouldn't be distributed, huge fine and 10 years in prison, unless you're a master criminal like Vesta. Kaptain Skurvy never did this, despite being a pirate.
• Doorknob licking: This is an act in which one applies one's tongue to doorknobs. It is only illegal on certain planets. Someone (possibly an employee) probably did this at the Krusty Krab once. Note: Krusty Krab is located in Bikini Bottom, where it is legal.

Countries sometimes have their own specific laws. Some of these include:

• Singapore has banned gum.
• North Korea has too many to list.
• China doesn't like it when you talk smack about 'em.
• In the USUA:
  • In Utah, it is forbidden to cause a catastrophe. Librights are currently attempting to repeal this.
  • In New Mexico, if you're legally Stupid, you aren't allowed to vote.
  • In Louisiana, it is illegal to wrestle Bear.
  • In Kentucky, handling reptiles is forbidden in churches.
  • It is illegal to dye fowl or rabbits in Chicago.
  • Cannibalism is (mostly) illegal in Idaho.
  • California prohibits the consumption of frogs that die in frog-jumping contests.

So the next time you think of doing any of these WHICH I KNOW IS IN ON A DAILY BASIS!, do not because these are all illegal, you know.

Trivia

• There is no crime in Moominvalley. Oops, the Nazis took control and now just existence is a crime there.
• Despite the existence of Yakuza, Tokyo has a low crime rate.
• Crimes are to not be confused with the rules of the UnAnything Wiki.
• Different people use the words "unlegal" and "illegal" to describe crime, depending on where they're from. For example, "unlegal" is used widely throughout the Northwest and Latin UnAmerica, while in Europe-influenced areas, it's more common to hear "illegal".