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INFLATION?! YOU HAVE THE POWER OF GOD IN YOUR FINGERTIPS, AND YOU CHOSE TO WATCH INFLATION?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?! Cranky Kong, to You
Cranky Kong retroactively creating 2020-era Internet meme culture.
Cranky Kong is so far the oldest of any of the Monkey Creatures. He is the greater than great ancestor of Donkey Kong and former husband to Wrinkly Kong who died of This Person Thinks He Or She Is A Monorail. He is also a minor character in later seasons of the 2015 Teletubbies show.
He was around back when kids didn't eat gross things for likes on the Internet. He wasn't even around for the memes, the core of our entire existence. He somehow survives without being hooked on to it, instead, he has to take a vaccination every week to survive.
Eventually, five months before the events of the End of Days, he ended up becoming so old that he got Rainbowitis, he somehow survived, but ended up being paralysed and is now restricted to a machine he controls with his mind, which also has access to Social Media so he can form a new generation of memes.
Cranky with his Do Re Mi cold cash
Cranky Kong eventually inherited Wrinkly Kong's money and uses it to buy his all-time favorite food, Chewy Chews. You will often see him spending all of his Do Re Mi cold cash on this stuff, he has so much money he even has an attack where he throws a pile in the air to squash people.
Musical Career[]
Cover art of the EP A Hologram is Like a Telegram. The presence of Cranky Kong's high school photo has no relation to the song and is just there. Kinda like when Didney flaunts Wal Didney in inappropriate scenarios.
After he inherited Wrinkly Kong's money, Cranky Kong rented a recording studio somewhere in Vine Valley, Donkey Kong Country. He intended to use it for the recording of podcasts, however, this project fell through when Sackboy briefly copyrighted the word, "pod" (this wouldn't last). Since Cranky Kong didn't want it to go to waste, he got some of his monkey colleagues, all uncredited, together in order to make some cool music. Inspired by a time he watched a Star Wars movie whilst under the effects of nitrous oxide, they recorded the song, "A Hologram is Like a Telegram", about the limits of holographic projections, specifically in the context of button pressing.
The song would be released on an EP of the same name, alongside another song called, "I'm Gonna be a Star", about Cranky Kong, alongside Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, being casted into a movie. I'm Gonna Be a Star saw mild success, but A Hologram is Like a Telegram became an unexpected club hit in South Korea. Cranky Kong also got the song in Pop'n Music, after threatening to spill water on Alt 2.0.