Standard Coffee Worship propaganda

Your standard Coffee Worshipers

Coffee Worship is a set of beliefs involving coffee and all of its majesty. Coffee worship is a very common religion, with millions of members throughout the UnWorld. It is particularly prevalent in first world countries such as UnAmerica. This religion has caused coffee to become a staple in the diet of humans.


Coffee Worship was first started when coffee was discovered in 1284. After this discovery, people realized coffee was incredibly powerful. Being the logical and scientific creatures we are, humanity decided the only conclusion was that coffee was some form of god. Then, using similar logic, humans determined that the only way to honor this god was to drink it.

News quickly spread about the great mighty coffee. The first official religious meeting was held in 1302. The Coffee Worshipers became an official religion with actual idiots following it. Temples called Starbucks were built to honor coffee. Furthermore, statues were built in honor of coffee and people began finishing every sentence with the word "cappuccino".

Like all religions, loyalty died down over the next several hundred years. Though still a prevalent religion, people no longer follow the scripture written by the coffee popes. Instead, people just follow the rules they want (such as "drink coffee every morning", and "spend lots of money on coffee when you could buy it cheaper"), but ignored other rules such as bathing in coffee and regularly sacrificing people in coffee volcanoes.

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