Mario, after he takes a sip of coffee.
Coffee, OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
—Mordecai and Rigby
Coffee is a super-powerful dangerous concoction that is served around the UnWorld. It is made from coffee seeds, which come from coffee trees, which means that coffee grows on trees. If only coffee were our currency...
Coffee was first invented as early as the year 8378348356 BC when Chuck Norris first invented coffee by taking a random bean, grinding it with his teeth, and boiling it with pure fury. It melted and he called it coffee.
Coffee was first discovered by us mortals in 1284 when King Harkinian's ancestor accidentally dropped his seed collection into his torture device. It mashed up the seeds, but he discovered that he could make an amazing drink with the coffee seeds. He started manufacturing this "coffee juice" around the world, and Hyrule was considered the wealthiest country in the world.
Eventually, everyone figured out how to make coffee, and nobody cared anymore. Now, coffee is much cheaper, but still dangerous if you do not know how to handle it (that's why most people turn to Mr. Coffee). Mordecai and Rigby drank coffee from a giant coffee bean just to work harder to get money, but the coffee bean gave them tea in the end to make them go to sleep.
Coffee has become so popular, an entire religion has spawned around it. Coffee Worship is a religion where Somebody likes coffee so much that he idolizes it and treats it like a god. Coffee, though inanimate, likes this very much. This also explains how coffee is the #1 consumed drink worldwide and how it was once Fuhrer of Germany.
People usually argue against whether coffee should be bold or italic. The UnAnything Wiki will not be taking sides on this, but you should know we like our coffee to be made with Plotholium by Black Frost.
Power[]
Coffee is among the most dangerous drinks in the world. If one drinks coffee, they will receive a powerful energy boost. Some use this to run on walls, win races, go crazy, and talk really fast. If one takes too much coffee, he/she may run through walls (which hurts more than it sounds). If one takes WAY too much, this unfortunate and stupid individual may explode, burst into flame, splatter against something, or simply drop dead.