Now it's my little cannon, against little ol' you... let's see who wins.
Kaptain Skurvy has deemed that this article is out of line with the generally accepted UnAnything Wiki canon. Please edit this article to have it fit in the wiki's canonical timeline or see the relevant discussion on the talk page. Otherwise, another lizard might come in with a much larger, more dangerous cannon and suck it up!
Now it's my little cannon, against little ol' you... let's see who wins.
Kaptain Skurvy has deemed that this article is out of line with the generally accepted UnAnything Wiki canon. Please edit this article to have it fit in the wiki's canonical timeline or see the relevant discussion on the talk page. Otherwise, another lizard might come in with a much larger, more dangerous cannon and suck it up!
It's her!
She's so mysterious, but nice! Hee hee!
—Charlotte Smilaw, after meeting Vendetta Williams for the first time
Charlotte Smilaw is one of the most powerlessful and nicest Russian General Secretaries of all time. She is also one of the most famous Soviet leaders in history. Her First Secretary was Vladimir Lenin, who would later become the General Secretary following Vendetta Williams's death prior to the War of 1812. She would later come back to become General President of a united Russia after the End of Days.
Appearance[]
Charlotte is a super old short woman. She suffers from dwarfism because of a set of curses inflicted upon her by the Nintendo's Witch, Ashley, and Magica de Spell. Those witches were bored one day during the year 1764, so they looked into a potential future where a blue girl does good stuff in the world, and everything turns out good in the end. To prevent a good future, they curse Charlotte in her mother's womb to be unable to have children, be less than 2.5 feet tall, and become blue. What the witches did not know was that that blue girl they saw in their vision was not Charlotte.
Before she became blue, she was born with normal Russian skin color (literally white, and not because she was born in the snow). She became blue when she was 14 years old, when her rich family owned an acid factory. During one touring session, she deliberately jumped into an acid vat, thinking it was a pool of water or something. The workers were slow to pull her out, but she experienced endless pleasure the following 3 years, and after the delight she was condemned to having blue skin for the rest of her life. There was a rumor that she was a Russian local, which was proven to be true.
Personality[]
Charlotte is (was) a blissfully unaware optimist who treats literally everyone with kindness. She believes that all people are good, great even. This is because she cannot see evil, hear evil, speak evil, or know evil. She is polite to everyone, especially her soldiers (who are like gummy worms or something) who work for the good of mankind. She doesn't interrupt, pester, or be intentionally annoying to anyone. She is willing to sacrifice her physical well-being for others since her emotional well-being could not be brought down. She was a dictator and loved by the people.
She is highly sociable and a kind idiot. She isn't aware that she can really annoy people, like asocials and super shy nervous people, who don't want to be put on a metaphorical pedestal anywhere or any when.
She does treat her family differently, though, since, for some reason, she clearly knows that her family members are evil. She tried to make sure that they didn't do evil things by being more kind than usual and trying to prevent them from making war and stuff.
Her awareness of evil would change when she hit her head.
Early History[]
Charlotte arrives at the Communist Council meeting
Charlotte was born in North Moscow in 1764 in a luxury powder snow birthing chamber. She didn't need to work because her family was rich. Her parents didn't try to teach her to become something; she did it on her own. She met Vendetta Williams at one of her parents' acid factories in Germany and thought she was interesting.
It took a whole 9 years to become First Secretary of the Communist Party. However, only 2 months after she became First Secretary, General Secretary Tryostronix wasn't assassinated, but he disappeared somewhere, leaving a power vacuum. This meant that, at only 26 years old, Charlotte became the leader of the Soviet Union.
Over 10 short feeling years, Charlotte ruled Soviet Russia with a plushy, soft hand. She followed her own principles in bringing the most happiness possible to the people. During this time, she married her bestest best bestfriend who happened to be evil. She thought she could take the evil out of her best friend and find the goodness within.
On a cold October night in 1812 in Berlin, she and her partner stared at the beautiful (in her eyes) city. Charlotte went to go buy her partner a gift but when she returned to the balcony, she saw that her partner had been shot in the torso several times and killed. The weight of this event caused her to resign as General Secretary of the Communist Party of Soviet Russia and disappear.
Marriage[]
Getting a Marriage Monster wedding
Charlotte married her evil best friend, and you wonder who it is, don't you? Well, there's only one other character ever mentioned, so it's obviously Vendetta Williams, the tyrannical Führer of Germany. Remember when the witches made her unable to have kids? They simply made her gay. That's it. Marrying Vendetta made her a member of the Nazi Party while also being the General Secretary of the Soviet Union at the same time, but that isn't the interesting part.
How she and Vendetta were able to hit it off so well despite being complete opposites in personality is not hard to understand. Surprising, I know. First, they became friends over how much they loved hamsters, then they became girlfriends over how much they loved hamsters, then they became married because they connected so much with each other due to the fact that they loved hamsters. Hamsters, specifically yellow ones, are things that Vendetta loves, and she loves nothing and hates everything else. Everyone around Vendetta hated hamsters which is why when she found someone who actually loved hamsters, she married her.
Vendetta made a surprise, a big surprise, perhaps the last surprise Charlotte would ever have: a marriage proposal on Thanksgiving, in a thicc and juicy turkey tank.
Charlotte Smilaw is also known as Charlotte Williams because of the marriage.
Later History[]
The death of her beloved Vendetta made her so grief stricken that she went catatonic for about 1352 years. When she woke up, she hit her head really hard on some metal pole and got a concussion. That concussion made her pregnant or something like that, and she gave birth to Marguerite Williams, becoming a mother and making Vendetta a great x15 grandmother and mother to Marguerite at the same time. This is because the Williams family had 17 (or so) generations between Vendetta and Marguerite.
Charlotte tried to raise Marguerite to become not evil, fearing that her daughter would get murdered if she became as evil as Vendetta. The concussion changed her personality a little; she became stricter and more threatening. She always gave warnings to Marguerite, that Marguerite would die if she became evil like her other mother. She even raised her voice against Marguerite sometimes. But all of her efforts were pointless because Marguerite had brain damage caused by Charlotte's concussion, meaning that the first thing Marguerite thought of was the thing that she would do, as in taking over the world; her first thought.
World War III[]
When Marguerite started World War III, Charlotte convinced the General Secretary of the Soviet Union during the beginning to not fight against Marguerite because death and suffering or something. Charlotte spent the entirety of WWIII trying to get Marguerite to stop sending soldiers to invade other countries, but Marguerite didn't care how many people died, she wanted to take over the world, so she ignored her mother's cries. Charlotte, realizing that she couldn't reason with Marguerite, tried asking the leaders of other countries to surrender to prevent the deaths of millions, but all of them said that surrendering was not an option and were willing to fight to the end. This gave her a reputation of being a coward, or even being on Marguerite's side, for a little while.
After WWIII[]
Charlie arrives at the modern Russian council meeting along with Gorbachev
Of course, Marguerite would die, and the War would be over. Charlotte was sad again and was close to giving up due to the all the death, but she realized that she must work in order to prevent so much death. She became the General President of a unified Russia and was a member in the New NEW NEW World Order discussions, who suggested what would bring the most peace to everyone all over the world.
Trivia[]
- She met Margarita Cillia. She reminded her of Marguerite, but less evil and more gross.
- Charlotte's last name backwards spells "Williams". Don't fact check that for even a second.
- Also, her last name is pronounced "smei-law" which can be pronounced like "smee-law" or "smeye-law"