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UnAnything Wiki

Lou, Captain Lou Albano


Super Mario Brothers Super Show Credits - Do the Mario!

Lou Albano in action!

" Do the Mario! "
  —Captain Lou Albano, whenever he does his dance move.
" You go to hell before you die. "
  —Captain Lou Albano, PSA on Philly 57.

Captain Lou Albano was a man hired by Nintendo to impersonate Mario and do a weird dance. He was originally a a janitor in Nintendo HQ. He is estimated to be a Level One Super Fat Warrior. He might have even fought in the War of 2012, but he was probably just dancing on the battlefield.

His UnRank is 10,000. Despite his name, he is not a number captain.


Captain Albano was born and raised in Japan. He was originally a janitor hired by Nintendo to clean Satoru Iwata's personal bathroom. As honorable of a position as this was, Albano wanted more. One day, he walked into the busy Iwata's office, and started dancing on his desk. Albano was so impressed, he fired Mario and had Albano replace him.

Little did Iwata know that Albano was actually an agent of Fake Bowser. Fake Bowser had Albano invent a new dance, which Albano called Do the Mario. He even got to star in his own TV Show. However, Iwata figured it out and he fired Albano.

But Albano no longer needed Nintendo, for he had become one of the weirdest dancers in the UnWorld. He eventually used his new power to fulfill Fake Bowser's ultimate plan... the destruction of Bowser! Albano defeated Bowser in a dancing contest, but this accomplished absolutely nothing. Fake Bowser abandoned Albano, and Bowser fried him to a crisp. All was lost until Napoleon Bonaparte came. Bonaparte had been a huge fan of the Captain's TV show, and he revived him. Captain Albano has been dancing with joy ever since.


Captain Albano has an infamous ability to be the only person who can successfully Do the Mario. He can also make a mean Turtle Soup, but Nobody cares about that because his dancing level is OVER 9000!!! But he can make a mean turtle soup! No, really! It's mean. It called me a poopyhead. I will never forgive that turtle soup for that.