Captain 37's Hotel is an awesome place. The hotel has OVER 9000 rooms. 

An outside view of the hotel, although this is only 0.006% of the hotel.

If you were a sandwich, then the hotel would eat you.

Amenities

  • Over 5 million floors, with each jam-packed with lotsa rooms! However, there is no 4th floor because we didn't want to offend the Chinese. And did I mention, there are only 15 elevators?
  • This hotel offers all sorts of rooms for ANY sort of guy, whether you're a tourist, a businessman, or just a guy who likes to sleep in hotels! Our rooms range from tiny rooms with only 1 bed and a window to FULL SUITES with 4 bedrooms and 10 bathrooms! Call 1-800-CAPTN37 for prices.
  • Three pools - indoor, outdoor, AND kiddie! However, the kiddie pool is temporarily closed because Umpie-Pumpie pooped in it and all of our cleaning equipment ASPLODED.
  • A FULLY RENOVATED LOBBY, complete with couches, a computer running Windows 11, couches, couches, couches, a weird TV that only shows the news and the weather, couches, and more couches!
  • Free continental BREAKFAST! for everyone! This includes soggy bagels, Toast, rotten fruit, something that rhymes with "mold mereal", and powdered scrambled eggs on Sundays. Yay.
  • TV running 528 channels of Weegee Cable! We have CBeebies, Crap Network, C-Span, and 381 channels in Indian languages that nobody watches ALL FOR FREE!
    • Our TV also has movies ON DEMAND! Check your hotel TV for what movies are airing at the moment. We can't tell you in advance because we haven't got the rights to yet. Sorry :::::::::((((((((((((((((((
  • An exercise center on the 582nd floor.
  • An arcade in the basement with 3 machines with shames: a machine with some weird name like "Emerald Arcade Classics" that doesn't work, some fighting game that also doesn't work, and Pop'n Music. So, I guess Alt 2.0 and Alt 1.0 live here too. Yaaaaaay!
  • A full-service restaurant located on the 939th floor, serving LUNCH and DINNER on a daily basis.
  • A gift shop that sells random toys, clothing, stale snacks and even martinis and other alcoholic beverages if you want to get crazy.

Reserved floors/rooms

You - Floor 1, Room 1
Me - Floor 2, Room 2
Nobody - Floor 4, Room 1
4chan Sniper - Floor 4, Room 4
Captain 37 - Floor 6, Room 17
Squadala Man - Floor 9, Room 3
Portal Central - Floor 12
The Nazis - Floor 14, Room 88
Portal To The Stupidverse - Floor 16
Miss Zarves - Floor 18
The Story People - Floor 23, Room 83
Wonky Donkey - Floor 25, Room 3
Snowball - Floor 66, Room 6
Vagineer - Floor 66, Room 5
Scunt - Floor 69, Room 5
Billy Herrington - Floor 69, Room 69
WaSnowball - Floor 6, Room 66
WaWaSnowball - Floor 666, Room 1
Satan - Floor 666, Room 66
Giygas - Floor 666, Room 666
Azure - Floor 420, Room 69
Docking station for the Big Ship o' Doom - Floor 420
Alt 2.0 - Floor 36, Room 43
Thanos - Floor 47, Room 69
The King - Floor 924, Room 2
Screen Gems - Floor 1,000, Room 1
Aradia Megido - Floor 403, Room 2
Baseball - Floor 403, Room 1
WaWaWaWaTinky-Winky - Floor 666, Room 2
Optimus Prime - Floor 1,000,000, Room 500
Megatron - Floor 1,000,000, Room 1,000
Bruticus Maximus - Floor 5,000,000, Room 25
Painis Cupcake - Floor 100, Room 10
SoupCock Porkpie - Floor 75, Room 10
Piss Cakehole - Floor 50, Room 20
Ass Pancakes - Floor 25, Room 20
Zero - Floor 30, Room 66
0 Chimpanze - Floor 20, Room 44
Yottatron - Floor 10, Room 24
Dunecat - Floor 235, Room 14
Steve - Floor 10,000, Room 34
Bonzi Buddy - Floor 32, Room 34
WaBonzi Buddy - Floor 290, Room 52
WaWaBonzi Buddy - Floor 21, Room 94
Mr. Key - Floor 25, Room 3
WaWaWaBonzi Buddy - Floor 9000, Room 54
Chuck Norriseegee - Floor 9000, Room 1006
A literal black hole - Floor 8416, Room 912
Slimes - mostly on floor 70

and a bunch of other guys that aren't famous enough to be on this list.

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