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Captain 37's Hotel is an awesome place. The hotel has OVER 9000 rooms. 

Hotel

An outside view of the hotel, although this is only 0.006% of the hotel.

If you were a sandwich, then the hotel would eat you.

Amenities

  • Over 5 million floors, with each jam-packed with lotsa rooms! However, there is no 4th floor because we didn't want to offend the Chinese. And did I mention, there are only 15 elevators?
  • This hotel offers all sorts of rooms for ANY sort of guy, whether you're a tourist, a businessman, or just a guy who likes to sleep in hotels! Our rooms range from tiny rooms with only 1 bed and a window to FULL SUITES with 4 bedrooms and 10 bathrooms! Call 1-800-CAPTN37 for prices.
  • Three pools - indoor, outdoor, AND kiddie! However, the kiddie pool is permanently closed because Umpie-Pumpie pooped in it and it ASPLODED.
  • A FULLY RENOVATED LOBBY, complete with couches, a computer running Windows 11, couches, couches, couches, a weird TV that only shows the news and the weather, couches, and more couches!
  • Free continental BREAKFAST! for everyone! This includes soggy bagels, Toast, rotten fruit, something that rhymes with "mold mereal", and powdered scrambled eggs on Sundays. Yay.
  • TV running 528 channels of Squadala Cable! We have CBeebies, Crap Network, C-Span, and 381 channels in Indian languages that nobody watches ALL FOR FREE!
    • Our TV also has movies ON DEMAND! Check your hotel TV for what movies are airing at the moment. We can't tell you in advance because we haven't got the rights to yet. Sorry :::::::::((((((((((((((((((
  • An exercise center on the 582nd floor.
  • An arcade in the basement with 3 machines with shames: a machine with some weird name like "Emerald Arcade Classics" that doesn't work, some fighting game that also doesn't work, and Pop'n Music. So, I guess Alt 2.0 and Alt 1.0 live here too. Yaaaaaay!
  • A full-service restaurant located on the 939th floor, serving LUNCH and DINNER on a daily basis.
  • A gift shop that sells random toys, clothing, stale snacks and even martinis and other alcoholic beverages if you want to get crazy.

Reserved floors/rooms

You - Floor 1, Room 1

Me - Floor 2, Room 2

Nobody - Floor 4, Room 1

4chan Sniper - Floor 4, Room 4

Captain 37 - Floor 6, Room 17

Squadala Man - Floor 9, Room 3

Portal Central - Floor 12

The Nazis - Floor 14, Room 9

Portal To The Stupidverse - Floor 16

Miss Zarves - Floor 18

The Story People - Floor 23, Room 83

Wonky Donkey - Floor 25, Room 3

Snowball - Floor 66, Room 6

Vagineer - Floor 66, Room 5

Scunt - Floor 69, Room 5

Billy Herrington - Floor 69, Room 69

WaSnowball - Floor 6, Room 66

WaWaSnowball - Floor 666, Room 1

Satan - Floor 666, Room 66

Giygas - Floor 666, Room 666

Azure - Floor 420, Room 69

Alt 2.0 - Floor 36, Room 43

Thanos - Floor 47, Room 69

The King - Floor 924, Room 2

Screen Gems - Floor 1,000, Room 1

Aradia Megido - Floor 403, Room 2

Baseball - Floor 403, Room 1

WaWaWaWaTinky-Winky - Floor 666, Room 2

Optimus Prime - Floor 1,000,000, Room 500

Megatron - Floor 1,000,000, Room 1,000

Bruticus Maximus - Floor 5,000,000, Room 25

Painis Cupcake - Floor 100, Room 10

SoupCock Porkpie - Floor 75, Room 10

Piss Cakehole - Floor 50, Room 20

Ass Pancakes - Floor 25, Room 20

Zero - Floor 30, Room 66

0 Chimpanze - Floor 20, Room 44

Yottatron - Floor 10, Room 24

Dunecat - Floor 235, Room 14

Steve - Floor 10,000, Room 34

Bonzi Buddy - Floor 32, Room 34

WaBonzi Buddy - Floor 290, Room 52

WaWaBonzi Buddy - Floor 21, Room 94

Mr. Key - Floor 25, Room 3

WaWaWaBonzi Buddy - Floor 9000, Room 54

Chuck Norriseegee - Floor 8416, Room 912

Slimes - Floor 70 , all rooms

and a bunch of other guys that aren't famous enough to be on this list.

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