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It's Britney, bitch!
—Britney's epic (but now annoying) quote
Britney Jean Spears is an American singer, songwriter, and dancer. She used to be one of the greatest artists in the UnWorld, but has gotten worse overtime.
Biography
Early Life
Britney was born on December 2, 1981 in UnAmerica. We don't know much about her childhood. What we know is that she was at one point part of a weird TV show called The Mickey Mouse Club. Despite its name, the show had nothing to do with Mickey Mouse, and was instead created by the Teletubbies to brainwash children. Their plan failed miserably, as the show was so crappy and cringeworthy that no one wanted to watch it. This eventually led to Britney and the other children getting permanently kicked out of the show.
Britney the Princess of Pop
In 1998, Britney claimed she was the hottest thing ever, and decided to share her sexyness with the world. However, Britney was only 16 at the time, meaning she couldn't become a stripper or a porn actress. That still didn't stop her from getting a noticeable boob job.
A while later, she decided to sign a contract with a record label, so that she could turn herself into an oversexualized popstar who sings dumb songs. Her first song, ...Baby One More Time, is about Britney wanting to get beat up to death by her boyfriend (hence the "Hit me baby one more time" lyrics) (Britney's a masochist). The song's music video is literally child sexualization, but no one seemed to care about it.
For some reason, everyone loved her songs despite their below-average lyrics and recycled instrumentals. This overwhelming wave of fame turned her into an international pop star.
Britney Goes Insane
In 2007, Britney got even crazier! One night, she shaved her hair off and started running around with an umbrella, wreaking havoc wherever she went. Some paparazzi took pictures of her, but they're so awful we'd rather not show them to you. Britney brutally murdered the poor paparazzi shortly after they took those photos.
After she was finally weakened by the force of 100 controlled shocks, Britney was taken to a mysterious warehouse where a totally competent doctor decided to give her heavy drugs to make her calm down. Britney loved the drugs so much, she became a drug-addict from that point onwards.
Britney Becomes Awful
After her unexplainable breakdown, people got tired of Britney, and can you blame them? I mean, that jerk was always on the news because of something stupid she had recently done! People couldn't even make fun of her, due to fear of getting murdered by either Britney or her crazy fans (believe it or not, Britney still had fans even after her rampage. Those fans are almost as crazy as she is).
The following year, Britney's father got pissed off by his daughter's inhumane behavior, so he decided to put her under a conservatorship, so that he could take full control over Britney and figure out what was wrong with her. His plan was successful, and Britney got finally locked up forever.
Britney's fans, being the idiots they are, weren't fine with that, so they showed up in front of the guy's house and started screaming: "FREE BRITNEY, YOU IDIOT! We know she's okay and mentally-stable, despite the facts she does drugs on a daily basis". The fans' endless screams eventually re-awakened Britney's wild nature, which led to her killing her father. This led to the conservatorship ending after just a year. The world was doomed once again...
Britney Today
Present day Britney is as awful as you may expect, as the drugs she keeps on taking have officially melted her brain. Britney's voice got worse over time, which led to it going from annoying to ear-piercing. Her dancing skills got worse as well, leading to her now dancing like a drunken 3 year old. To add insult to injury, she decided to go through even more plastic surgery, which turned her face into an ugly mess.
Britney's so high, she can't perform anymore, so she now spends her time doing drugs and posting questionable stuff on her Instagram. Her fans praise said stuff, which says a lot about them.
Her presence on Earth has become unbearable. The UnWorld hopes she'll die soon.
Trivia
- Throughout the years, Britney has tried OVER 9000 different types of drugs, some of which still haven't been discovered yet.
- Britney is officially part of the "once beautiful but now ugly af women" list.
- Britney has had multiple boyfriends and husbands, all of which dated/married her just to get her money and run away. Britney is easily exploitable thanks to her low IQ, which is why she keeps dating these men to this day.
- Britney used to have 2 sons. They both killed themselves out of shame.