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UnAnything Wiki
UnAnything Wiki
Bert with the Dun Dun Dun Guy. (dun dun dun!)
Gender: Male
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Black
Species: Muppet, usually
Alive or Dead?: apparently alive??
Death: Whatever the dark, twisted outer gods want from him to fuel their sick, juxtaposition-fueled fantasies
Likes: Ernie (sometimes)
Dislikes: Christmas songs, religious iconography
Education: self educated. yuh
Powers: secret stabbing technique of the ancients
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
UnRank: 2

Bert is Ernie's best friend and husband even though Bert finds Ernie really annoying at times. He likes bottlecaps and pigeons. He moved to Sesame Street along with Ernie, and ended up meeting Cookie Monster, Big Bird, and Grover in 1969. He wants to be like Weegee because they both have eyebrows. He also appears in the Grand Theft Sesame Street along with Ernie since they are teamed up together.

Ernie tried to get Bert to watch Barney but Bert refused. Bert thought Barney killed Laa-Laa with a meat clover because he also thought she was stupid along with the other Teletubbies. He also likes quiet noises, but not loud noises because one time Elmo came and scared the pigeons away which made Bert angry. One time he and Ernie decided to do bad stuff like stealing candy from babies. He is currently 1000 years old right now.


  • Despite not being an Undefeatable, Bert, along with Ernie, are immune to Weegee's stare due to a ritual they did as kids.